Lap Band helps with the battle but the war is psychological

[sadie11 2]

There are continual posts here about how the lap band is not working, I'm not losing weight, etc. The real war is psychological.

I posted this on another thread:

You have to say goodbye to sweets, Cookies, ice cream, chips in order to lose weight even with the band. My partner and I both found that we went through a grieving period over not being able to eat like everyone else.

Now that I am through that grieving (I think) I am finding I don't seem to care much about food at all and don't crave sweets much anymore. I re-joined Weight Watchers because weighing in every week really helps me be accountable and I am losing again. I am enjoying exercise and eating Protein.

So a lot of this is psychological (and I'm a psychologist!) and it was hard for me to really and truly give up my best friend and comfort- food-- and realize what poor friend food really is for me. Talk about toxic friends - yeesh!

Look inward and stop expecting the band to fix you. Much of it is inside you and your life experience. Food was my refuge.

FYI-The band has really helped me keep off the weight I lost initially- 40 lbs- and I very grateful for that. The band does save me from gaining weight back quickly. It gives me a chance to get ahold of myself and get back on track. And that is very valuable to me.

Food has been our refuge from bitter and painful storms. Getting a lap band does not erase that pain. Food was a wonderful way to cope with abuse, neglect and pain for all of us. It helped us.

To lose weight you have to take the risk and give up that comfort. If you are still in a painful situation, giving up that comfort will be difficult if not impossible and you will not lose or you will gain it back.

My childhood will never be good- ever! The neglect will always be there. I cannot fix it with food. Food was a wonderful available coping strategy when I was 7 years old- better than acting out or aggression or simply giving up. It is a bad coping strategy now that I am 59. In fact it will kill me.

I am learning to cope with emotional discomfort, anxiety and distress. Sugar actually does make all those things feel better - the studies prove it. But it is my struggle.

The band really helps me when I have a weak moment and go ahead and try to comfort myself with food. Before the band, I would gain all or almost all of the weight back and have to start all over again.

Over the past 8 months, I have been eating anything I wanted and not gained any weight back- (okay just a little). It was a freeing experience and I guess I needed to go through the process to realize that food/sugar doesn't make me feel better. I feel more ready to give it up now.

The band has saved me from all the horrible negative feelings I would get when I gained back that hard earned weight loss.

I am feeling strong now and not interested in sugar or junk these days. Who knows how long it will last? I don't care because I have the chance keeping my weight loss while I work it out.

Look folks, getting 100 pounds overweight is a lot. It will take some time to work out your issues. Be kind to yourself and take it easy.

Several posters have lost all their weight in a year- that will not be me. I have serious issues to confront and it will take time. I got 100 lbs overweight for very good reasons.

Be kind and take your time. The band will help but you have to do the work inside and out.

This is my experience- yours may be different but I thought maybe some of you might find this helpful.

Love and success on your journey.

sadie

[Bunz1969 4]

*standing ovation*

Sadie, for me anyway, you hit the nail right on the head! For me, food was/is an abusive boyfriend that I needed to leave, but got some comfort from the relationship. I have left that way of life and now see that food is for fueling our bodies and THAT'S IT!!

It's absolutely amazing how freeing it is when your every thought is not consumed with where to eat, when to eat, what to eat, and planning trips based on where you want to eat.

I am only a week post-op and I know that there are a lot of speed bumps ahead of me, but I already feel like a switch has been flipped.

God bless you for baring your soul here. Thank You.

:smile2: Amy

[paisleypea 1]

Excellent post Sadie! very true!

I recommend the book "Food is Easy, Life is Hard" to learn how to cope with those things and to delve deep in resolving those issues. I have many too - and I imagine a LOT of us do. It's a journey.

[coloradobanding 5]

Excellent, Excellent post Sadie!!

I too am from CO and I too had Dr Brown do my surgery! Our battle sound very very similar, and I too will not be a 100lbs loser in a year; but I will be a 100lb loser eventually. Don't know when that will be, and honestly don't care, but it is coming!!

My battle is also very much psychological and feel empowered now and from your post.

I would love to chat with you, PM me if interested!

[Headhunter 6]

A very good post, indeed.

I have said many, many times on this forum that the whole weight loss issue is mostly a "mind game" for MOST people.

Counseling by a QUALIFIED and EXPERIENCED Psychotherapist who is a demonstrated specialist in Bariatric Issues SHOULD be as much a part of your WLS as the Surgeon is. It can make all the difference in whether you succeed or fail at this.

But the MOST important question of all would be:

Sadie, how did you get so lucky as to be able to hold a sedated lynx???:biggrin:

HH

[JosieK 120]

Great post sadie...i find we need to take responsibility in order to be successful....which is clearly outlined in your post

you've also stated one of the biggest hurdles to cross....the mind. it is doable and many on this site have done it. that has helped me in my journey

good luck...and keep on keepin' on

[WaistBand 0]

Awesome, awesome post!!

[HappyHomeCC 2]

Thank you Sadie. I am glad I decided to start counseling on my own prior to surgery. I am learning a lot about myself and "why" Hopefully I can use ALL the tools along with the lapband to make this a wining battle.... no matter where I go there I am and those damn demons follow me. ;o)

[RestlessMonkey 7]

This post is true to a point and I'm sure resonates with many. It's a good thing!

BUT for years I felt disfranchised because I had a happy childhood, when angry I spoke up (still do) had healthy self esteem, and still was hugely fat. I'm the fattest person I know and so when I turned to message boards and read "you are stuffing your emotions" or "food can't be your best friend" (food's never been my best friend; her name is Julie and we've been BFF's since we were 6)

I felt lost.

I did go to a therapist for about a year before I got the band, on my own. I thought I might have repressed how terrible my life had been, or how truly emotionally empty I was, to not even realize that I had issues.

Well, come to find out, I didn't have those same issues.

Mind you I HAD issues...I was a reward eater, I am self indulgent, I have my problems and don't meant that I got to 405 overnight as a fluke. BUT

We aren't one supersize fits all. If you read this and think "no, it's not the answer for me" like I used to, it doesn't mean there isn't an answer (or at least some help) in therapy for you. It just means you may have a different reason or reasons for overeating than the ones listed. You don't need to have to think of food as your friend to benefit from therapy, in other words.

Again let me be clear....for those of you with whom this post resonates I say BRAVO! Good you face it, and hope you lick it! I know it takes courage.

But for those like me who feel differently, I say...BRAVO!

Good you face it, and I hope you lick it. Your emotional baggage may be different. It may be lighter. It may be one little suitcase. :biggrin:

The point is we all have to find our own way through this and unfortunately medicine doesn't have the whole answer. The band doesn't have the whole answer. But we can find the right answers for us if we work at it.

[pvgrl 0]

Sadie, I to wish I could send you a standing ovation-I couldn't stop reading your post. I will definitely "bookmark" it somehow and refer to it when I need a kick in the *ss. Thank you for your honesty and courage-please keeping posting...

[ThePoolGirl 1]

I feel that all of the previous posts had a lot to offer. Each person does have their own demons to face. There's not one magic pill for any of us. If there was, I'd have found it on eBay by now! I think each of you had a different perspective to offer and I found myself really thinking and examining myself as I read each one. I didn't exactly find one story that made things click for me but I know it's time to explore some of my own issues. Thanks for your honesty.

TPG

[AirKuhl 1]

Great post, seems like you found your path to success!

But:

My partner and I both found that we went through a grieving period over not being able to eat like everyone else.

Don't grieve. You were NOT eating like everyone else. You ate way too much, period end of story.

Rejoice instead that NOW you are eating more like "everyone else."

[sadie11 2]

Great post, seems like you found your path to success!

But:

Don't grieve. You were NOT eating like everyone else. You ate way too much, period end of story.

Rejoice instead that NOW you are eating more like "everyone else."

Air- great re-framing- I AM eating more like everyone else. Ha - good point.

Sadie

[emjay 8]

Sadie - I too took your post and copied it to a document so I can read it anytime I need to get my head screwed on straight. food seems to be the 1 constant in my life no matter what, and so I have treated it like a friend.

I need to get my head around why I eat even though I'm not hungry, even though I feel my life is pretty damn good. Because I'm smart enough to know it's not worth it, it's just physically and mentally making the change. If there were only a magic potion...