...looking for support and TOUGH LOVE...

[myownbl 0]

Okay, so it all started out so great. I was banded on 8/11/08 and from the pre-op liquid only diet to the end of the year, I was a rock star and shed nearly 60 pounds. I've still got another 60-70 lbs to go, but I had a major life change and have completely fallen off program. "I've fallen and I can't get up!" I think I've gone to the place mentally that we all go when we fall off -- beating myself up, starting again "on Monday", and all the other self-defeating crap I've been trying to get over for the last thirty years. It's been months since I've been on this site but woke up this morning with you all on my mind. I think I just need a reality check about what it is I'm trying to do here -- just feel so lost right now and trying desperately to find my way back. I'm avoiding the scale because I know by the way my clothes are fitting that I'm up at least 8-10 pounds. How do I reconnect with that part of me that wants to keep off of my high blood pressure medication (was taken off a couple of months ago YEA!), keep the newfound energy and sense of confidence I've gained -- all of it.

Just reaching out for feedback, a hand to hold, a shoulder to cry on, and a firm shove on my backside to help me get back on track. I never expected to fall off like this -- and I want to be back on track when my one-year surgery date comes around. I think that would make me feel so much stronger from a psychological perspective for some reason.

Any feedback welcome -- and thanks to everyone who even reads my S.O.S. whether you reply or not. I'll take the positive energy however it comes...

[suepro 39]

I feel for you, its hard sometimes a bit of a roller coaster ride. Your weight problem didn't happen overnight and as putting a band inside doesn't alter whats in our heads, it is often an uphill struggle.

I was banded on 6 November 08 and am doing really well- only 7lbs off goal weight so I am sending you lots of postive thoughts accross the atlantic. You deserve some of my good luck.

You don't say whether you have restriction or not so if you haven't book yourself a fill. If you do have restriction but are eating/drinking junk, then clear out the fridge and larder and start off again on the healthy stuff. Are you exercising? If not then get out there and do some, I find it energises me.

You can lose 8-10lbs in no time if you put your mind to it. I know that you probably got banded so you would never have to diet again but you are going to have to get a grip.

Take care, keep us posted with how you are getting on.

Sue

Edited July 26, 2009 by suepro

[RestlessMonkey 7]

Darn I LOVE tough love. I was so ready to lay it on you. Then I read your post. You don't need tough love for this; it's life. You need to quit looking at the band as a diet. What foods are inappropriate in your home? Toss them. Stock up on the good stuff and eat it. If you need a fill, get one. You lost 60 and gained 10...ZOUNDS. You're still down 50. Isn't that just great? You're almost half way to goal, one year out. That is MARVELOUS! That's way better than me!

Ok: I'll be tough now. Quit whining. Quit feeling guilty. It's just food. You ate the wrong stuff; you didn't commit perjury, murder, embezzlement. OK? Put it in perspective and MOVE ON.

Being harsh with yourself is pretty useless. Use that energy to do something positive instead...like going to the grocer's for the foods that helped you lose that 60. And call your surgeon on Monday if you need a fill.

And quit thinking of the lap band as another diet. It isn't.

AND...if you truly feel that you are dealing with life issues inappropriately by eating, then go to a behavioral therapist. Seriously. They are marvelous for that type of thing.

[krtork 0]

I agree with Restless, you have done a great job! Now you just need to get back on the "band" wagon. Don't wait for tomorrow, go out today and get the foods that you need so you can make good choices.

I don't know if you are exercising or not, but that is always a good stress reliever. Sounds like you could use an outlet for dealing with the life change. Get out and walk/run/bike/swim, whatever it is that you love to do!

Do you have a local support group? That might also be helpful! I think by getting back to LBT and looking for a shoulder to cry on and a swift kick, you are ready to get back on track!

Good luck!

[myownbl 0]

Thanks to you all for even taking the time to respond. I needed to hear it all, but the one thing that was shockingly a slap back into reality: my lapband is not a diet. I know this -- but I subconsciously forgot all about this FACT in my few months of huge life changes and stress. I allowed that FACT to slip from my consciousness so that I could go right back to my old habits. Oh, the mind...it is so strong.

THAT WAS EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED TO HEAR, FOR WHATEVER REASON!

So I've re-ordered my favorite Protein powder and bars...broken the wrapper on a nice, new journal and have placed it in my briefcase, and have made the decision to do Protein only tomorrow just to "cleanse my pallet" and get me back on track. And, I've scheduled an appointment with my surgeon for this Friday, where I will face my fears...and the dreaded scale.

To be honest, I'm not sure that I'm 100% ready mentally/emotionally to climb back on that horse; but ready or not, here I come! I know that the readiness quotent will be upped as I take one conscious step after another...no magic bullet.

I'm sitting here in the dark with very watery eyes as I type this because I'm thinking about my lifelong struggle with obesity and food...I've got this tool called a lapband and damn it, I'm going to make it work for me (again) by putting in the effort it takes to make it work.

No matter what we do, this battle is so hard. But you know what? Such is life -- NO MORE WHINING. Tomorrow will really be my "Monday" and I'm going to just take it as it comes and push my way back on the right path.

Okay, so now I'm rambling... THANK YOU for answering my S.O.S.

[myownbl 0]

P.S. Restless Monkey -- you are something else! :-)

[georgia girl 35]

Hi myownbl! Just want you to know that you are not alone. I've been struggling too lately. Life gets in the way sometimes and it's hard, but we can do it! I am going to hit it hard tomorrow too and hopefully we can get back at it! Good luck to you! Keep us updated!

[myownbl 0]

...back on track plan of attack worked today...

Taking things one day at a time but as I said in my earlier post, the mind is an amazing thing that can be your worst enemy, or your best friend. Either way, it is the key...

[heartfire 4]

...back on track plan of attack worked today...

Taking things one day at a time but as I said in my earlier post, the mind is an amazing thing that can be your worst enemy, or your best friend. Either way, it is the key...

Good job for taking today and making your plan work!

The mind is a very powerful tool. Make it work to your advantage! Start a mantra or find a quote or verse that you like and repeat it to yourself and often.

Keep checking in here. Find the August '08 threads and jump on our weekly WI thread (Fridays). Jump on to our Anniversary Challenge thread and just pick a number, a couple of lbs and shoot for that by your surgery date.

Most important of all, don't isolate yourself and you must stop the negative self talk.

Best wishes to you! Take care! You are so worth it!!

[WASaBubbleButt 41]

Okay, so it all started out so great. I was banded on 8/11/08 and from the pre-op liquid only diet to the end of the year, I was a rock star and shed nearly 60 pounds. I've still got another 60-70 lbs to go, but I had a major life change and have completely fallen off program. "I've fallen and I can't get up!" I think I've gone to the place mentally that we all go when we fall off -- beating myself up, starting again "on Monday", and all the other self-defeating crap I've been trying to get over for the last thirty years. It's been months since I've been on this site but woke up this morning with you all on my mind. I think I just need a reality check about what it is I'm trying to do here -- just feel so lost right now and trying desperately to find my way back. I'm avoiding the scale because I know by the way my clothes are fitting that I'm up at least 8-10 pounds. How do I reconnect with that part of me that wants to keep off of my high blood pressure medication (was taken off a couple of months ago YEA!), keep the newfound energy and sense of confidence I've gained -- all of it.

Just reaching out for feedback, a hand to hold, a shoulder to cry on, and a firm shove on my backside to help me get back on track. I never expected to fall off like this -- and I want to be back on track when my one-year surgery date comes around. I think that would make me feel so much stronger from a psychological perspective for some reason.

Any feedback welcome -- and thanks to everyone who even reads my S.O.S. whether you reply or not. I'll take the positive energy however it comes...

You did ask for the tough love part, right? ;o) I'm going to copy/paste something from my blog on another site. It was originally a post to a person asking for a butt kicking.

I'm going to get hammered for writing this but that has never stopped me before. ;o) You know these people that eat pizza and tacos a few days after surgery and they come to the boards asking if they just messed up? You know those people that pat them on the head, tell them it's okay, and to "try" to do better tomorrow? Yeah, I'm not one of those people. I tell them to knock it off, they are risking their band and why? For a lousy taco?? Are they serious? I don't suggest they TRY to do better the next day, I tell them to DO better right now.

I think we often times don't give ourselves enough credit. We think we are weak willed and powerless over the world. That simply isn't true. We have been living a life of fat for many years. You tell me the weak willed and powerless can do that, I won't believe you. Being fat in today's society is no easy task. It's really damned hard. Yet we survive it and if we can survive that, we can survive passing up a donut. Let's face it, it is much easier to pass up a donut than it is to have to buy two airlines seats because our butts are too big for one seat. It's much easier to pass up a single donut than it is to face ourselves in the mirror of Lane Giant after realizing we are yet... a bigger size than the last time we were there. We face humiliation and embarrassment every single day just due to our size. I think sometimes we tend to get used to it and forget that humiliation and embarrassment are NOT normal and a part of life. We also pretend it does not hurt as much as it does.

I'm not trying to be a skank about this but you know, WLS is our last shot at WL. This is a big deal, we have choices and too many times we are all making the wrong ones. I don't eat a lot of junk because I don't need it. Neither do you. I disagree with those that say ANYTHING in moderation is okay. The reason I disagree is because ALL of us did not get fat because we can do moderation well. With a band or any WLS our caloric intake is cut drastically and we need every calorie for food we actually need and use. The only thing cake, Pasta, or crap food will do for your body is make it more plump.

This is a lifestyle change and a lifestyle change does not mean eating the same load of crap but just less of it, that means overhauling your diet and eating food that your body needs and does something positive for it. What "value" does chocolate cake have for your body?

So does this mean that you can never have a piece of birthday cake again? Of course not. It means that eating junk on a regular basis serves no value. We don't know what moderation is so we have to go searching for it. Moderation does not mean limiting ourselves to crap food just one time daily or one time weekly, it means more along the lines of on birthdays, special occasions. When we "plan" on eating junk weekly, what does that make our thinking? That means we are *still* planning our lives around food and poor choices. Thin people don't set out to plan on when they will eat a load of crap, they don't even think about it until the birthday party or social meeting is there staring them in the face. Yet we fatties actually plan a date and time to eat bad food. See the difference in thinking between a fat person and a normal size person?

The lifestyle change is not planning on WHEN we will have loads of crap food, lifestyle change means actually going out there and living what we claim we want. Life as a normal size person.

If you can face the humiliation of being obese in society, can you honestly sit there and tell yourself that passing up junk food is harder than being the fat girl walking into a room where being MO is socially unacceptable? I mean, I think there comes a time when we have to put things in their proper perspective and this is one of those times. Next time you want junk food get real and get honest with yourself. Get a photo of that food item and a photo of a person that is the size you want to be. Which do you want more, do you want the cake more than you want to be thin and healthy? Be verrry honest with yourself. If you prefer the cake over thin then just go for it and have the darn band removed. But I'll bet you'd rather have thin over a piece of cake when you really get honest with yourself. It's all about perspective and self awareness of what you want out of this life. We have a choice, and it IS a choice. We can be fat or we can be thin. With a band thin IS within grasp.

The thing about us fat folks is that traditional diet and exercise is too hard, we just can't do it. We cannot lose and maintain at a normal size weight. Call it a lack of self control, call it anything you want. I'll cop to it, I'll be one to stand right up there and admit that I can't do it. But with a band it is still hard but it is the kind of hard WE can do, OUR population. Losing weight with a band is the kind of hard we can do but without a band, nope... we can't do it.

Sometimes, maybe often times, maybe 20x a day when we are justifying more grazing behaviors and opening the frig to see what unnecessary food is in there, there comes a time when you just have to tell yourself no. We tell our children "no" daily. No, you can't play with razor blades in the middle of a busy street. No, you can't eat rat poison. No, you can't fail to look both ways when crossing a street. No, you can't do drugs. No, you can't go out with that drug abuser who just got out of juvvy. Sometimes we have to tell ourselves no as well.

If you are like me, not sure you are, but if you are like me I can't stop at one Frito, or one bite of this or that. For me it is all or none. If I eat white carbs I can't quit. I lose self control. If I stay away from them completely I have no problem. The more I eat the more I crave. I am a person that wanted bread so bad about 3 months after banding I actually broke into the bread crumbs I use for cooking and ate the whole can. Then I started in on dry stuffing mix. It wasn't even something that tasted good (pretty rank, actually) but I couldn't stand the carb cravings anymore. That was my moment when I realized when and how I lose self control. So I avoid those situations.

You can come over to my house right now and look through my house. You won't find any flour, Pasta, bread, Fritos, or other foods that are my triggers. There are no bread crumbs, stuffing mix, cake mixes, cookie mixes... none of it. I don't even keep it in the house. There is not a person that has ever once been in my home that even needs those foods. My husband doesn't need them and he doesn't get them if he is here. Why would your family NEED cakes, Cookies, etc? We are not punishing our family members by denying them food habits WE have, it really is okay if you don't load your cupboards full of crap your kids do not need. I think that is another mindset we have to change. I've seen people post on these very boards that they can't pass up the Cookies in the cupboard but they can't punish their children by not having cookies in the house. Since when it is a punishment to decline to feed a growing child cookies to the point you can't have a day without them in your home?

Exercise... you know, we have physical and emotional reasons for overeating. Those issues we have to overcome and find ways to deal with them. But exercise? Nahhh, we have no excuse. That is just plain lazy behavior. You don't like exercise? Neither do I. But it's like cleaning the toilet. Who DOES like to do it? We do it because we have to. It's just a responsibility. We are all great at justifying eating too much and not exercising but the reality comes down to sheer lazy behaviors. If you can't run then power walk. If you can't power walk then walk. If you can't walk then do chair exercises. We have the energy to get up and run to the frig 20 times a day yet we can't find the time nor the motivation to do the SAME walking outside and away from food. How does that work? ;o)

There are people who LOVE exercise, zog bless their little hearts! It's like a transfer addiction. They go from eating to exercising. They love it. Personally, I think they are sick and twisted human beings. ;o) I exercise but I hate it. Never have enjoyed it, not even a little. The person who invented weight resistance cannot possibly be anything but a lover of S&M. They should be shot. But you know what? It really really works. The motivation for me was not busting my butt on a treadmill when I would have much preferred doing my nails. The motivation was that the more I exercised the more weight I lost. THAT was my addiction, losing weight and getting thin. The more you lose the more motivation you get.

What if you do this, just for ONE week... one week only. Cut out ALL white carbs. Yep, you'll be climbing the walls, you'll be dealing with head hunger full force. Every single TV commercial for food will be calling your name. You'll cus and swear at me and everyone else that is around you in real time or the boards. Start exercising. Even ten minutes of brisk walking. Work up a sweat, bust your butt. Just 10 minutes. That's nothing, that is the same as a couple of TV commercials. That is about the same amount of time to read a single thread on OH. Just take 10 simple minutes and go out for a hard walk. Then you are done exercising for the day. Honestly, 10 minutes is NOTHING. We have 144 10 minute blocks in a day, it really is nothing.

Then tomorrow do 11 minutes. And yes, time it from the time your walk is a brisk one, not when you start thinking it's time to go outside for your walk. When your pace is up to brisk then start timing. Daily add a single minute to it. Push yourself to do better each day, just a single minute added.

So for a week eat what you want, don't count calories, don't count fat grams. Don't worry about calories in the least. Eat what you want but do limit WHITE carbs to 20 a day. I'm just talking for a week. Do the 10 minutes of exercise while adding one minute daily. See what that does for you. You want 20 chicken breasts? Eat them. You want zucchini, yellow squash, any other carbs except fruit? Eat them. Lots of them. Don't even count carbs from veggies. Just count white carbs and limit those drastically to 20gms daily. The idea here is not to get you into ketosis, the idea is to get you eating the right carbs. Have unlimited VEGGIE carbs. You'll poop like a champ too. ;o)

I'll bet you that you lose weight.

Then as the motivation kicks in and the stomach hunger dies down you will be able to cut those 20 chicken breasts down to 10. Then 5, then 1 daily. Understand what is head hunger and what is true stomach hunger. Just focus on white carbs and minimal exercise. I'll bet you it works.

If you can live the life and frustration as a fat person, you can do this. Being fat is MUCH harder than better food choices. Again, it's all perspective.

What about your fill level? Are you at good restricton? If not, get thy butt to the doc and take care of it.

There, that's yer' butt kicking. ;o) Just remember, you CAN do this, you have survived much much harder as a fat person and you have survived a life that is no walk in the park. If you can survive fat life you can easily survive the above plan for the next week.

And BTW, this means start the whole plan tomorrow, not on Sunday at the beginning of the week. If you have already eaten a load of carbs today you will be hungry for the rest of the day. It's a blood sugar thing. So start tomorrow and keep remembering, you can do this.

Good luck to you!

[Headhunter 6]

GREAT post, Michelle, as always.

Should be a sticky. :biggrin:

HH

[Libbyjane1976 1]

Wow wasa great post!!! You are very motivational!!!