Need Advice Boss has lap band TOO

[reneek 1]

Help i need some advice. Before i got the lap band i had considered it for two years i decided to wait until after i had my second child (now 1 year old and so cute) Anyway i had talked to my boss about the lap band about two years ago and she had never heard of it she is also obese. About 3 months after i had my little one i started the 6 months checkups with my doctors so about the 4th one i told my boss that i was going to have it done in a few months. She said to me that she was having the surgery done in about a week she was so excited. I was so excited someone so close that we can share our experiences. So she had her surgery in March 09 and i had my in May09. She did so well at first as of today she is down 42lbs which is great. As of today i am down 35lbs. But here is the problem she hasn't lost any weight in 1.5 months and is starting to get jealous of me since i am only 7lbs away from what she has lost and she was banded 2 months before me. I am starting to feel uncomfortable. I don't know what to do. The reason she isn't loosing is because she eats all the time she never stops. Yesturday i watched her eat a whole bowl of chips. Today she eat a whole donut and a blueberry muffin (just for breakfast). The day before that she brought ice cream for everyone and when i said no thank you she gave me this dirty look. I even watched her pb all her food then come back from the bathroom and eat a whole new plate of food. It is her business what she does with her band i don't ever say a word but what do i do. Do i try and give her advice? She is asking me everyday how much have i lost. We get along really well i would say that we are friends we have worked together for 5 years. I want her to succeed. I just feel like her attitude is pulling me down. But she is my boss and i love my job and need it. HELP

Edited July 23, 2009 by reneek

[luluc 6]

i wouldn't offer any kind of advice - unless asked, and even then i would be inclined to be brief.

she sounds as though she wasn't willing to make a shift in her eating style after being banded; you can't fix that.

just go on about your business, she may catch on - she likely won't ..... the only problem is if your success enters the workplace. it shouldn't , but sounds like it will.

tread w/caution.

[ParrotheadCathy 0]

Reneek, I'm betting your boss knows EXACTLY what she's doing wrong and is suffering a lot of disappointment in herself right now. BUT you really cannot offer unsolicited advice. You have to keep your counsel to yourself, and one of two things will happen: Your boss will keep on the path she's on now OR she will come to her senses and get back on track. She may ask you at some point how you are staying motivated and on track, but unless she does, there's really nothing you can say that would be appreciated or wanted. It's sad and I know you hate this for her. It's kind of like before banding. You may have had a thin friend who wanted desperately to say something to you to try to push you in the right direction but kept his/her mouth shut because they knew that unless you were ready and asked for help, anything said would only cause problems.

[DodgerFan 0]

I agree with pp: tread with caution. Sorry you're in that situation. Keep politely declining her ice cream offers and responding to her questions when she asks how much you've lost. Maybe you'll eventually inspire her.

[WaistBand 0]

This is tricky! It's hard enough for us to be responsible for our own weight loss--we certainly don't need the burden of anyone else's struggles to top ours off!

I think that, if confronted by a boss who regularly asked me my weight, I'd be inclined to adopt a sort of nonchalant answer along the lines of, "You know, I found I was getting a little too focused on numbers, when I really wanted to focus on health. So instead of weighing myself each day, I have begun journaling instead. I'll find out what I weigh when I see the doctor. Between now and then, I'll make the best food and activity choices I can."

Here, you're telling her (without telling her) that you're not going to give her daily weight updates. But you also gently remind her that it's about more than a number on the scale--it involves personal responsibility for changing behavior.

(Over time, I'd really work on making it a complete non-topic of discussion; I don't think it's an appropriate question for a supervisor to routinely ask. If it makes you uncomfortable in terms of your employment--you mention needing your job--it segues into completely INappropriate, and you would not be outside of your rights to discuss it with HR.)

[greytz 4]

I totally understand jealousy in the workplace being a victim of it myself. Fortunately, I am retired now. Here is the thing, I would not give advice solicted or otherwise. This could get very ugly very fast. There is no such thing as a friend in the workplace plain and simple. When she asks you about your weight just say you haven't weighed in awhile or something like that and move on and away from her as much as possible. She appears to be one of the misery loves company crowd. Very detrimental to your goals.

[WDW Luver 0]

I really like the idea of just being really noncommital when she asks how much you have lost "Gosh, my scale broke and I haven't had time to get a new one." Continue to stick to YOUR new lifestyle and eating habits and don't worry about her. It isn't your place to give her advice. If she asks or finally decides to get back on the "bandwagon" and wants support then maybe you can help her work on some menus together but until she is ready to commit you can't do anything to help her.

If the situation with food being offered in the office gets uncomfortable you can always make up excuses like "I had a huge lunch and am really full" or "I am not feeing very well" and of course just try to make yourself scarce when the birthday cake comes out! If someone brings you something you might accept it graciously and then toss it later where they can't see. The social graces with food can be such an issue when losing weight but since this is a boss/employer issue I would tend to make sure that I dont' make a big deal out of my weight loss and just try to get around the issue.

Good for you for sticking to it! Hopefully your boss will come back around and see what a difference it is making for you!