Family Issues

[jslone 0]

Is anyone struggling with family members. I am struggling with family watching me eat and making comments. Saying things like: "Should you be eating that?", "Aren't you supposed to eat the Protein first?", "Wow can you have that?", "That is just a poor choice.", and my personal favorite, "If you eat like that you will gain 10 pounds before your first fill!"

I was banded on 6/19. I lost 30# pre-op and 15# post. I have lost 8.5 inches post-op. I am supposed to have my first fill next week. I know that my family loves me, but how do you get them to realize you are the one in control. In a nice way. I wouldn't hurt them for the world and I know that they are just worried and concerned, but I need some breathing room.

Just wondering if anyone else has been through this and did it go away as you progressed. I am hoping that when my family sees how well I am doing and that I am succeeding they will back off.

Comments....Questions....

[ucdep99 0]

I know what you mean , my husband does me the same way but look they are just trying to help you and if you look at it that way then things are different , it shows they love you and just want to help you even though it feels like they are just getting on your nerves and bothers you but its the love they are showing to help keep you in line.

ucdep99

[Donnainva 0]

Tough Love sux

You could try to, as tactfully as you can, tell them that you can eat anything you want. That you've had great progress with the choices you've made so far and that, although you will make some bad choices, sometimes you need a small treat to keep you sane.

I am not tactful and would not be so nice--be glad we're not related!

[RestlessMonkey 7]

I'd have a "family education night" I don't know exactly what family you mean (parents? kids? husband? cousins?) but I would sit the whole kit and caboodle of them down and discuss the lap band with them. Have a picture of the band around the stomach, or whatever visual aid you think appropriate. Treat it like a true litlle "class" on the band. I would also discuss how ineffective and counterproductive a force of "food police" is (plan this and say it nicely, as you see fit). Tell them you are now in more control than ever but to have people constantly treat you as different is very off-putting. Tell them you just want to be treated "normally" and that would be the biggest help of all. Tell them the goal of lap band is for you to be able to eat ANYTHING but in small amounts, and until you have good restriction (which may take up to 6 months or more, actually, depending on many factors) your portions will be larger, and then slowly get smaller.

I think since they all apparently want to help and are asking in kind ways, that they are probably curious and want to know. They want to help you....so help them do just that.

That's what I'd do.

[jslone 0]

Thanks so much everyone for all of the input. I really appreciate it. I know that we will all get through this. There may be some toes stepped on or hurt feelings on both sides, but that is life. As long as we remember that we are a family and love each other we will come through to the other side stronger, healthier, and happier.

[85robinson 0]

my husband did that a lot pre -op But i tried to understand it was bacuase he cared. i never let me know til the day after the op judt how scared he was that something would happen to me when i was on the table. so maybe your loves one(s) are just scared for you. i know i'm scared to gain again and i'm schared how some foods will digest,. so talk to your family and see if they are just bein " food cops" or if it something else

[AngelWhisper 0]

I had that happen because my mom and aunt had gastric bypass so the rest of the family figured I couldn't eat whatever I wanted to eat. You really can't win. If I eat something that's not really good for me at a big family get together I get policed. If I don't eat a lot I get people trying to force me to eat more even though I'm full. Even my mother will sit there when I'm eating and go "remember to CHEW CHEW CHEW IT UP!!!!! CHEW IT UP GOOD NOW!" like I'm 2 years old. I just shoot a mean glance and ignore it now but it was awful for the first couple months.