Nasty Thing People Say

[ClaudiaJ 0]

He is just so insensitive. To think that you don't even know each other and that you were not even talking to him. He was just listening or prying at your conversation. He doesn't even know what he's talking about. 60 pounds is already a great achievement. By the way, congrats on that Tracie.:smile:

[emjay 8]

You will probably get a few more rude comments before your journey is over and then maybe after. As my mother-in-law says, he's probably "lost his filter"...something she says her husband did along time ago (when inappropriate comments are made).

It never ceases to amaze me how some people feel they can ask you anything when they've noticed you've lost weight. To me, "how much have you lost" and if you decide to let them know you had surgery, "Oh, you took the easy way out", or "You could have just ate the way you are now and lost the weight", are such asinine comments to make and totally inappropriate. They automatically want to know every little detail and feel they can comment on how you were in the past.

Maybe I'm too sensitive, but when people that hardly know you feel they can pass judgment, you deserve the right to correct them if it makes you feel better. Myself, the look that they are totally clueless usually does it...

[becky1963 0]

Sister, can I relate! WHen I tipped the scales at 300 lbs., I was exercising my heart out at the gym and some older lady came up to me and said (VERY LOUDLY), "You need to lose some weight!" I was moritfied. Two very sweet young girls came up to me immediately (My mouth was still hanging open at the gall of that woman) and were very consoling. Everyone was looking at me (and at 300 lbs, I tried to be as unobtrusive as was possible anyway) and I could not get over the embarrssment of being singled out. That was a very long time ago, but I will never forget the way it made me feel. I like to think that it made me much more careful in the way I treated others!

You know, I don't think these people realize that they have not contributed to one measely pound being lost, but are probably responsible for some anger management issues:cursing:

[LoriPA 4]

Bottom line: Anyone making comments (though I can't really be sure this was derisive, being I didn't hear the tone, etc.), unless it appears in a constructive manner, shouldn't be taken seriously. Just remember there are insecure, jealous people out there and they are the one with the problem, not you.

Unfortunately, exercise doesn't help acquire class either.

[JUKU 1]

Sister, can I relate! WHen I tipped the scales at 300 lbs., I was exercising my heart out at the gym and some older lady came up to me and said (VERY LOUDLY), "You need to lose some weight!" I was moritfied. Two very sweet young girls came up to me immediately (My mouth was still hanging open at the gall of that woman) and were very consoling. Everyone was looking at me (and at 300 lbs, I tried to be as unobtrusive as was possible anyway) and I could not get over the embarrssment of being singled out. That was a very long time ago, but I will never forget the way it made me feel. I like to think that it made me much more careful in the way I treated others!

You know, I don't think these people realize that they have not contributed to one measely pound being lost, but are probably responsible for some anger management issues:cursing:

Why would anyone ever think of saying something so unbelivably rude to a perfect stranger? I just don't get what satisfaction they get out of it!!!!!

[LoriPA 4]

Why would anyone ever think of saying something so unbelivably rude to a perfect stranger? I just don't get what satisfaction they get out of it!!!!!

What's worse than a situation than this one is that of those who gossip and make up things about total strangers they neither know nor never met, but think they can pass judgment on them based on their appearance or whatever. That too is just as rude and classless as upfront remarks.

[EmpressLizBunny 18]

i know how u feel i was trying to relearn how to roller skate and i had at least 6 people come up to me and say "at least you are doing something for your self" i just smiled and got back to skating i know they were trying to be nice and probably they thought they were being encouraging but they came off(to me) as condescending and pitying

[wallyone 0]

Sister, can I relate! WHen I tipped the scales at 300 lbs., I was exercising my heart out at the gym and some older lady came up to me and said (VERY LOUDLY), "You need to lose some weight!" I was moritfied. Two very sweet young girls came up to me immediately (My mouth was still hanging open at the gall of that woman) and were very consoling. Everyone was looking at me (and at 300 lbs, I tried to be as unobtrusive as was possible anyway) and I could not get over the embarrssment of being singled out. That was a very long time ago, but I will never forget the way it made me feel. I like to think that it made me much more careful in the way I treated others!

You know, I don't think these people realize that they have not contributed to one measely pound being lost, but are probably responsible for some anger management issues:cursing:

Wow Becky What an idiot she was . Beleive I would not have been able to hold my tongue and proably would of said something if my dog had a face like yours I make him wald backwards so not to offend everyone. Another one is when someone made a rude remark to winston churchill He said madam I can lose weight but you can;t change anything about being ugly!!ASean

[kossde 6]

Ok so in all honesty unless the guy was waving his middle finger at you while he was talking he probably didn't mean to offend you. Infact he was probably trying to compliment you. No offense intended at all but why do so many people here get so offended over such harmless comments?

[sparkles62 0]

Headhunter, may I ask why you had to have the RNY procedure. I too, am having some problems with my band. Just wondering if your problems were similiar. If you don't mind answering, you can email me at sparkys@ymail.com thx

[meikobobo 0]

Ok so in all honesty unless the guy was waving his middle finger at you while he was talking he probably didn't mean to offend you. Infact he was probably trying to compliment you. No offense intended at all but why do so many people here get so offended over such harmless comments?

I think it is because this is our sensitive point. If you have been jeered at nagged and ridiculed all your life about the one point it does make you sensitive ...no matter if it was not intended to be hurtful. It has been my observation that usual people who have an issue ( weight, facial features, whatever) and who have been singled out in the past because of it..rarely make such personal comments because they know how it feels and they have empathy. That is why we find it so surprising that people feel it is their duty to comment on our physical condition ...as if maybe we just didnt know we were fat... and once they point it out then we might do something about it. I have noticed this particularly with my husband's ethnic group. They are traditionally not prone to weight gain and they are constantly amazed how people such as myself cannot control themselves... so they have in the past said things such as "My you really are fat" or "isnt your husband nice that he loves you despite you being so fat..you are lucky"

and the advice they can give you is priceless such as "you should try to eat less" or drink a glass of Water before each meal, or most priceless the specialist who I went to see re

Gastroscopy said that I shouldnt waste my time with banding and that I should eat an orange before each meal. She was a Professor of her speciality who would have weighed 59 kgs dripping wet ( which I would have gladly made her except for the fact that I needed her approval for the band) So instead I thanked her for her wonderful advice and said I would certainly give it the college try. All in all I think this is why I certainly am sensitive:smile2:

[suzanne.meyers1 0]

I am terribly sorry that you had to experience such lack of discretion from someone you don't even know! I think sometimes people believe it is their inalienable right to comment on anything in ear shot or set before their eyes. When Headhunter and Kossde say you are being too sensitive, I could not disagree more. Unless you were wearing a shirt that stated, "please offer your commentary on my body habitus and exercise habits" I am pretty sure social norms would dictate that one should not comment on either.

On of the best pieces of advice I ever read came from Mrs Manners. She said when people ask you embarassing questions, immediately and directly respond, "Why do you want/need to know that?" staring directly into their eyes until they leave or offer an appropriate answer. Applied to this case I would say, "I do not recall inviting you into my conversation. Did you think I asked for your opinion?" again staring him down until he gives you a response. It is not rude, simply direct and cautionary as to stop while one is ahead or risk their own personal embarassment.

Keep your head up and move on...60 lbs lighter!

[greytz 4]

I don't believe in confronting someone you don't know either. Unless they get physical and you are attempting to defend yourself, it is not wise. Ms. Manners or not, you do not know what the other person is capable of and not a good idea to start a confrontation. Why invest in someone who matters not to you? They are not worth the trouble. Ignore as I said before and move on.

[PATCHELTON 0]

you wanted to know if it's just you or has everyone had a rude person to deal with. Well to start my story I have always wanted a belly button ring but never did it when I was heavier. I just done it a couple of months ago. I posted something on this website about wanting a belly button ring, and had someone actually post...well if you are getting your belly button pierced you must not have been that heavy and probably didn't need lapband at all. I don't know who they were to judge, and yes not everyone starts out at the same weight, and I was heavy for my height and it was only getting worse. I'm proud of where I'm at and where I'm going because I know where I have come from, and that's why I did the belly button ring. Keep your head up, stay strong, and keep going...because no one can hold us back.

You made me remember a comment I received at a group support meeting I went to as a pre-op. It came from a lapband post-op. Now I am 5'7" but my 252 lbs and size 2x scrubwear told me I needed to do something. She looked at me and told me I didn't look heavy enough to need surgery. She was shorter than I am so I could understand that up to a point. But now, 110 pounds later I might agree that I don't need surgery. But surgery is the REASON I am 110 pounds lighter! And I got an occasional "you are doing this for your health, right?" (Nah, I thought I would pursue becoming the world's oldest Barbie--duh!) I think people mean well, but often fail to engage their brain before putting their mouth in gear. I am also single, and thank God I am finally old enough (at 64) that people have stopped asking me when I am getting married! Sometimes people actually think they are being helpful. They really are clueless.

And hon, if you want a belly ring, you go for it! I might just get a tattoo one of these days (tummy tuck first, though).:wink2:

[keithf 2]

I might just get a tattoo one of these days (tummy tuck first, though).:scared2:

Do it! Something risque and utterly, utterly fantastic. Make your minions stand in awe of them! I'm not joking there -- small flash art doesn't cut it: everyone has those. If you're going to do it, make it true artwork :tt1:

I've got two. I'm holding off on more until after I'm at goal and have any plastics I'm going to have. After that, time for something a bit more.. elaborate.