newbie

[ftb100402 0]

hi guys..i am a 38 yr old housewife and mother of 3 aged 6 and younger.....i am to be banded on the 30th of july and very excited.......this something i have researched and looked forward to for the last few months. i have been motivated enough to get the ball rolling and complete all the tasks i needed to get the surgery date.

my problem is my husband..he is so against it. he is very controlling in nature and i think, wants to keep me the fatted housewife at home. yesterday he told me not to talk to him and that i wasnt getting it done after he found out about the 2000.00 copay.

i am having it done if i have to make 50 dollar payments for the next 3 years. so we are not speaking.

my mom and sister are very supportive.

he also says i am taking an unnecessary risk w/ anesthesia and having the three kids...i am nopt thinking of them.

i say i am in wanting to be happy and healthy.

what are your thoughts ??

i know this is a lot for a first post..but i am irrirtated..lol

what is going to od..tell people he left me casue i got a lapband.......RIDICULOUS !!! :confused:

[greytz 4]

I have an ex just for that reason. For being controlling I mean. Just my opinion here which is what you are asking for, I believe that if he truly loves you, he will be all for anything that makes you healthy and gives you MORE years with him and your children. You want to see them grow, get married and have babies of their own. Not six feet under and the grandchildren have to come visit you at your headstone. Strong words I know but that is what I thought of when I divorced my first husband. My surgeon said something in her seminar that really stuck with me. She asked the question, "Have you ever seen a fat old person?" That got me to thinking. Whenever you hear a song or someone refer to an old lady. They don't say that fat old lady, they say that little old lady. Even in songs. Unless they are an exception, which I am sure there are some, most people to live into their golden years fat. I believe that if he has love in his heart for you, he will be willing to do whatever you need to support you and help you on your journey to health and well being physically and mentally. I have been married for 20 years and when I first married my husband (the one I am married to now), I was much, much thinner. Because of my medical conditions, etc. I had to take oral steroids and my thyroid went crazy and on came the weight. I was so embarssed for him and me. Even though I am in the beginning stages, just with the weight I have lost so far, he is so impressed and so happy for me. We are going out this afternoon to have lunch with his brother and sister in law and they have not seen me since the surgery. I am so excited and so is he. I put on an outfit and it actually fit and my side profile looks so much better. He is proud of me and proud to be seen with me. And as I continue to lose weight he will be even more proud to be seen with me. In my mind, that is how your husband should be acting. When I first went to my husband with this, of course I was apprenhensive. I have had a lot of medical problems in the last year and I wasn't sure how he would react or my family. He was concerned but was very supportive and wanted me to do it. I had to pay about $2,500. out of pocket which was a lot of money for us but he had no problem with it because it will be the tool to my weight loss and healthy journey. We rarely fight and never go around not speaking to each other. Life is way too short. I almost lost my life and we cherish each and every day we have together. It is just too precious to waste. I know there are some people on here who have also had family issues due to getting thin. It is very unfortunate and so incondsiderate. I truly hope you find a way to make this journey and a way to find support through it. I hope you can be strong and find a way to follow through with your intentions. I am truly blessed and I will pray for you that you have blessings also. Good Luck to you. Sorry this is so longwinded everybody. I just felt very strongly about it and could relate.

[Catherine55 43]

Based on what you said, it sounds like your husband is acting more from fear of change and wanting to control you than from actual fear for your safety -- but if there is a chance that's not the case, would it help for him to talk to your doctor?

$2,000 is a small amount to pay to avoid things like diabetes, heart disease, joint pain, sleep apnea, etc. -- not to mention to be healthier, more energetic and just plain better looking!

I'm 38 as well. I had my surgery last October and, based on the last 8 months, it's the best thing I've ever done for my overall health. I'm in what may be the best shape of my life (though I still have 25-30 lbs to lose) and feel fantastic.

I hope that you are able to get this worked out with your husband.

Best wishes,

Catherine

[Enchanted 2]

People fear change. This surgery will change you in some ways that could be uncomfortable for your husband, he's sensing that already.

I'd talk with him about why it's so important to you . . . and also why he is so important to you. Offer him some reassurance and then ask him again for his support. You are brave to do this - and if he cannot offer his support, you can find it in other places.

xoxo

[momwifelove 0]

Well I am only 28 and have been married 4 1/2 years to my husband. I told him I wanted this surgery and that I had saved up the money to get it but I was worried about what he would think and about spending the money on myself b/c I hate spending money on me. He told me that he loves me just the way that I am and that for him I didn't need to do this BUT if this is what I wanted and this would make me feel better about myself then go for it. I have 2 children and a step-son and he hasn't once said anything about me not thinking about them. He knows that if I do this I will be more active with them and I will be more happier with myself and therefore it will make our realtionship better b/c I am not depressed and discouraged. He is all for me doing this if that is what I want. I am sorry your husband doesn't want you to do it but all I can say is if this is what you want and you can afford it then go for it. It will change your life. My surgery is scheduled for the 29th of July and I am soooooo excited. Good Luck to you and stay positive about it.