how to deal with not so supportive friends

[tamra. 6]

well, I have decided on getting the band and have my first info class this coming friday.

i have ONE FRIEND out of my batch that is being SO NEGATIVE and all she keeps telling me is how I am going to have extra skin and find out how much its going to cost me to have it removed. Any time I even MENTIONED lapband she says "have you asked how much for skin removal?"

has anyone else delt with a non helpful friend?

[bklyn1984 0]

Yes and she's still my friend. I educated her and she did her own research and now she gets it LOL! My grandmother was the same way and yes I educated her too and now she's like honey you have lost enough for me do not lose anymore. With my grandma I just smile and thank her.

But you know the decision you made was for you and you alone. There are going to be friends and family like her. If you have not already done so I would tell her to look this information up herself. Because it's not all about how much extra skin you will or will not have. I am not sure why she's so focused on this.

My friend said "Oh you know with WLS you gain it all back"

and now she knows the work that goes into it and no not everyone will gain all of their weight back. With my grandma it was the thought of the surgery and not knowing about the lap band which had her freaked out and now she's more focused on telling me to stop losing LOL!

Good luck with your class.

[Who'sThere 331]

Geeze! As they say, "With friends like that,...?"

I would want to be really snotty with a witty but cutting comeback, but I probably wouldn't be. I would just tell her that I'd cross that bridge when I got there, and that for now my focus was on getting healthy and taking things one step at a time. I know that if she is really that negative, that probably won't phase her, but that's probably how I'd approach it. Do you think she is just jealous or insecure herself? Most of the time that is where such bad attitudes come from.

Congratulations for taking the steps to become a better healthier you! She won't be the last negative one you'll come across, but I'm sure it hurts more coming from a "friend." Keep you chin up, though. Success is the best revenge, so even if it's not revenge that you need, it won't hurt!

Edited July 6, 2009 by aivey
typo

[bklyn1984 0]

Success is the best revenge, so even if it's not revenge that you need, it won't hurt!:thumbdown:

Well said! :tongue_smilie:

[tamra. 6]

I assume its her insecurties with herself, but i really dont know! as I told my mom, im not worried about skin, that can be fixed but me dying from being heavy, the soreness i have in my knees, etc. is more to worry about :tongue_smilie:

[ParrotheadCathy 0]

Tamra, your friend more than likely knows nothing or very little about the lap band versus gastric bypass. And, with gastric bypass, loose skin is almost unavoidable because the weight loss is so fast. Lap band aims for a much more healthy rate of loss and your skin has the opportunity to recover as much as it can. It continues to recover for as much as a year after you reach goal weight, too.

About all I can think to say is "go with me to the seminar so you can learn for yourself!" Many people who attend the seminars take a friend or family member with them.

[TulipStar 2]

I would just tell her that you aren't worried about the extra skin and neither should she be. A little extra skin is the least of your worries of the consequences of carrying around the extra weight!

As for extra skin, some people have it, some don't and you will have time to worry about that later (if you choose)!

[tripletmomma2000 3]

You might want to tell your friend that because you're getting the band, you'll lose weight slower than someone with GBP, and since you're only 26, you might not have anywhere near the loose skin that she thinks you will!

I also have a "friend" who's not being supportive. When I told her that I wanted to get the band, she got huge saucer eyes and asked if I talked to my husband about it... that he loves me and my curves, and what will happen if I lose weight... will he still love me??

I walked away knowing that although she probably didn't realize it, the sabotage effort was futile!

[AirKuhl 1]

has anyone else delt with a non helpful friend?

Easy. Smile, nod and ignore them.

There is only one person in the world that will ultimately determine your success or failure and that's you.

[keithf 2]

what will happen if I lose weight... will he still love me??

There *are* feeders and chasers out there, but the details of what keeps you and your husband together are certainly none of your friend's business.

But if that's all it would take, then there's something more fundamentally wrong than one party no longer being the other's fetish. What was the basis for the relationship again?

As our orientation class warned: good relationships get better, bad ones can get worse. None of us should be involved in bad ones, so there's no argument to avoid weight loss.