Anyone lose friends after Lap Band?

[BethFromVA 5]

When I told my best friend (who lives in another state) that I was getting the Lap Band, the first thing she said was, "Hmmm." Then she had the usual questions and concerns.

I just got back from visiting and not only did she not really say much except that yeah, I seemed smaller than the last time she saw me, but SHE is now the biggest she has ever been.

Since she never EVER asks how I'm doing or follow up on my successes, I am going out on a limb here to say that I don't believe she will be part of my support system.

[FailureIsntAnOption 0]

Sorry Beth, that is just sad. Your friend sounds a tad bit jealous to me.

[BethFromVA 5]

Sorry Beth, that is just sad. Your friend sounds a tad bit jealous to me.

I'm beginning to think so too.

By the way, what happened to your other moniker??

[MichelleBee 0]

I chose to sever ties with my best friend of 7 years.

She is diabetic, will not take care of herself, and can't stop eating or drinking alcohol, I had tried to help her on numerous occasions, I told her please don't end up like an ex of mine that almost died from diabetes because he would not take care of himself, I also asked her to please stop drinking, for her own health, and I told her that she was seriously hurting herself.

At the end of our relationship, she was the biggest I had ever seen her, seriously, she was bigger then me.

After my lap band, our relationship changed a lot, It seemed like her whole LIFE was centered around getting food, eating food, or securing food for later.

I couldn't eat much of anything after my surgery, and at restaurants when I would go to eat with her, she would try to make me eat.

She was trying to sabotage me, and I actually let her one time. I was so angry that I let her make me feel that bad, that I ended our friendship.

If she wants to be fat and unhappy, let her be, sometimes you cannot help people help themselves.

Edited July 31, 2009 by MichelleBee
misspelling

[BethFromVA 5]

After my lap band, our relationship changed a lot, It seemed like her whole LIFE was centered around getting food, eating food, or securing food for later.

I wonder how much it has to do with her reacting to your surgery, or you being more in tune with how consumed y'all both were with food, especially now that you can't make it the center of your life.

[supermom67 0]

My two closest friends both had gastric bypass - the first 5 years ago - she lost 150 pounds and has had all the skin removal - brazilian butt lift etc... she really wanted me to have surgery - she did too much plastic too fast and she has problems with chronic pain - when she first lost weight she was happy and energetic - but now she is crabby and tired all of the time.

My other friend had gb almost two years ago and has lost all her weight and then some - she has changed - become a little ridiculous in her Quest to be "young again" behaving a little immature in her relationships. It saved her life - but she lost her mind.

I knew I didn't want GB - my friends are biased and it feels almost competitive - Of the three of us - I was the "smallest" big girl. When we would get together it's all they talked about and suddenly we had nothing to say. I am in a longterm relationship with someone who loves me fat or thin and they are single so there seems to be alot of bitterness. I don't expect weight loss to be a magical pill that will "fix" me - my reasons for overeating and getting to this point didn't magically disappear. My issues will still be my issues. The beginning of this journey is just that a beginning.

Since I had my surgery I've received a text here or there but they haven't been by. My "thin" friends have been super supportive have called and came by to hang out with me.

They have been very encouraging and positive and happy for me. Not at all what I expected.

My hope is with my new confidence and my new perspective I will meet new people that I share common interests with - that I don't fade in the background as the fat chick in the room.

:laugh:

[LemonPOPtart 0]

Post surgery here, a whole whoppin' 6 days. :smile2: So no problems. Well... I've had an acquaintance or two give me a stiff, "good luck with your decision". Pffft. I let it roll off. Not close to me anyway.

At the risk of being a "downer".... Someone here mentioned "death" from weight loss surgery. "Extreme and silly"? No. :tt2: Okay, now I don't know about lap band. I'm sure there are rare cases.. who knows? But this I DO know... One of my closest, long-time friends I've ever had DIED on November 18, 2005 from gastric bypass surgery. I was looking into having that surgery myself at the time. I was devastated by her death. My family was shocked, and deeply frightened I'd be next. I swore to them I'd never have the gastric bypass done. I kept my word. My friend was only in her mid 30s. My beautiful friend died because she wanted to be thin. :laugh: Mind you, I had to convince them that lap band was the safest procedure out there. But they were scared. I think they had a good reason to be.

Me? I don't work outside the home. I homeschool my kids, and we go to church. I am the fattest at church, the fattest at the homeschool meetings, and the fattest in our family. Everyone in "my" little world is "happy" and "excited" for me. I have certainly wondered it it would remain the same when suddenly I am not as big, and someone else is the heaviest? It's easy to be "fat" when your company is fatter. Time will tell I guess.

Susan

[FailureIsntAnOption 0]

Wow Susan, I am so, so sorry for your loss.

[kyotosong 8]

At the risk of being a "downer".... Someone here mentioned "death" from weight loss surgery. "Extreme and silly"? No. :laugh: Okay, now I don't know about lap band.

i meant only in the face of the lap band surgery, her reaction was silly to me because it was after i explained to her the process (laproscopic), what the band was and isn't and the stats for the surgeon i was going to. the risk of death/complications is higher (at the initial surgery) with gastric bypass, based on stats.

i'm really, really sorry for your loss. i wish you luck in your weight loss & only success with the band.

[coloradobanding 5]

I am in a somewhat similar position. One of my closest friends (15 year friendship) was going to get RNY about 3 years ago. She went through all the hoops and got cold feet the day before surgery...she cancelled it.

To her credit, she lost I'd guess about 40lbs without any surgery and I was ecstatic for her, she really needed to lose the weight and she did, a lot of it.

I was always smaller than her, and we were SO competitive (always have been, but in a good way). The day got close where she was..(GASP) SMALLER than me...this was about 1 year ago. I looked at her as she was getting dressed into a size 18 from a size 24 (I was a size 22 at the time) and I couldn't take it! Looked a lil' something like this -->

But I was TOTALLY supportive, albeit Jealous. I couldn't be happier for her success as I knew she worked her @** off to get where she was. I had her come with me to Lane Bryant and she was like "I've never shopped there, etc." (yeah right :crying:). Anyway, needless to say I felt like poo poo, but got my blouse and carried on. She would call me all the time and want to go out (she was single I'm married) and I would go (reluctantly).

Fast forward to Jan 2009, I get LBS!!! My friend who ALWAYS took care of me, stuck by me, etc. didn't even bother to call to see if I was ok. No biggie, we've gone awhile without contact before. Then I find out she got a part-time job at Lane Bryant :frown: (works full time day job) to pay bills. I was like :sad: (I said we were competitive right )

Anyway, I decide to surprise her and stop in Lane Bryant (which was the LAST TIME I stepped foot in that store ) She walked right past me..DIDN'T RECOGNIZE ME!! Then I thought..hmm..lemme' work this. So I said "ma'am can you help me" she was very professional like.."yes what can I..." then she realized it was me. If I could have a picture of that look I would look at it every minute of every day :tt1:!! She was BLOWN AWAY, she didn't have to say a word, her face said it all. She was surprised and jealous, and I was loving it..(did I mention we are competitive )

Anyway, haven't heard from her since that day and I'm pretty sure I know why. I am down to a size 14 from that day (I was an 18 then and already smaller than her) and I can't wait to see her. I don't know if I want her to Celebrate my success with me or not. I'm hopeful she will be supportive, like I was with her, time will tell.

[Catherine55 43]

My friends have been really great about the surgery and have been very supportive. Most of my core group of friends go back 15 or more years (I'm 38), and I'm actually the only overweight person in the group.

A bunch of my friends are seriously into working out, and it's been so great to get their encouragement and praise for how hard I've been working out and the results of that and my reduced calorie intake. I'm glad that they see that this isn't an easy way out and recognize the hard work I have put in to get this far along.

One funny thing though is that one of my best friends recently told me that they thought I didn't need to lose any more weight (mind you. . to get out of the "overweight" BMI, I have to lose a minimum of 23 more pounds -- and I'm still in a size 14). To put it in context, this friend is about 135 lbs and wears a size 6 or 8. I thought that was surprising. She wasn't aggressive about it or anything -- I am sure she meant it as a complement. When I told her that my goal is BMI-based and that I want to get to a size 10 so that I can have more shopping choice, she relaxed about it!

Catherine

Edited July 31, 2009 by Catherine55
Typo

[LollyMoe 1]

I certainly hope that I don't lose my close friend. Four years she was weighting almost four hundred lbs and is now at 142 lbs after having the surgery. I was there for her then and so far, she is with me. All my other friends/family seem to be very supportive. My church friends that I am closest too, all have a daughter or niece that has had it done, so they are being supportive to us all.

You have to decide who are really friends and who are people that you interact with according to the circumstances of the moment. Not all people that you interact with on a daily basis is a real friend......

[thinneranniesoon 0]

K and I have been friends for 15 years. She knews that she can pick up the phone and call if she needs something and I will be there. I can remember when she was having problems with cramps, and I would drive across town bringing the pain Patches that heat up, because she could not get off the couch to go to the store. I would pick up her son from school, fix dinner or just keep company.

Fast forward, I started dating her brother n law last year, now we are living together, so now we are closer to family than we have been for 15 years. My kids have always called her aunt K, and we have always done things together.

I had my band put in on June 9, I did talk to her about it before hand, because I know that people do tend to lose friends, and I told her I really hope that doesn't happen. She does have diabetes, but continues to eat Pasta, bread, potatoes, chips, and whatever as well as drink quite a bit. Lucky for her so far the diabetes goes, she isnt having to have insulin shots yet.

Wel i had my surgery and I have seen her about 4 times since then. Of course I moved a month ago, but we will see how things are this weekend. I am going back to town, and will be with her both Friday evening and saturday. I really hope things don't change much.

I know I am down 20+ lbs, I just don't know exactly how many as I do not own a scale, but I have a doc appt for an adjustment tomorrow, so we will see.

[Kdub 0]

Lately, when I show my friends how big my clothes are, falling off me, or when they notice me in better-fitting clothes, I see absolute pride and cheer-leading in their eyes...they are so genuinely happy for me, and it makes me feel very, very good.

Not just weight loss, but many of life's challenges and ups and downs can weed out the fair weather friends.

I encourage you to spend your time with the people who truly support you and care about you, and don't let their own personal agenda interfere with your success.

[LindaD 3]

I haven't lost any friends... my friends and family have all been very supportive. My husband was a little worried about the impact this would have on us - like, would we be tied to home eating scrambled eggs every day. Now at a few months post-op, he's ecstatic. It hasn't disrupted those parts of our life we enjoy, and it has enhanced some parts of our life which were a bit of a struggle.

However, I KNOW that this has changed me. Some days, I feel like a different person, physically and mentally. I have to keep myself from talking about it too much. I worry that even when I keep myself from talking about it too much, I still may be talking about it too much.

I have had friends before who suddenly found religion or true love or whatever and it can be quite tedious. This may be the same. I'm never jealous of someone who found God or true romantic love but I still don't want to hear about it every flippin' minute. So that might be how some people feel about us gastric surgery people.

I guess it's a fine balance. We want people to share in our success, but we don't want to be too much "in their face" with it.