Anyone lose friends after Lap Band?

[untfluter 3]

Erica, you hit the nail on the head.. she enjoys being the skinny one... she enjoys being the one who gets the attention because she is the skinny pretty one and you are the fat pretty one.. and now she is afraid that YOU will be the skinny pretty one and take the attention away from her... I TRULY believe that....

My best friend, who was skinny when we met but has gained weight over the years and is/was close to 250lbs has been SOOO supportive of me.. she lives in Houston but calls me all the time and tells me all the time how proud she is of me...THAT'S what a true friend does...

[Shish44 0]

Yes my own mother is acting weird......

She was always thin and beautful now as she's got older 21 yrs older then me...and bigger but still beautiful!

And i'm finaly thinner and when i tell her what size i am ect she saiz your beng vain lol ect and other things!

I' down 62kg/137lbs and I AM PROUD!

[samanthazzz 0]

I can so relate to this post.

My best friend of many years is avoiding me like the plague, and it has me so upset.

We were both supposed to get the surgery, we did some of the pre-testing together, saw the surgeon together and even had the same date set for surgery (we were going to be room mates in the hospital). Unexpectantly, her insurance co. declined her surgery. She was devastated, as was I. I felt terrible, I still feel terrible. I think it was unfair, and she cannot afford self pay.

I have never felt so guilty in my life. We were supposed to do this together.

I have not seen her for almost 7 mos now, since she was denied coverage. I had my surgery 4.5 mos ago and lost about 40 lbs. Can one be happy and sad at the same time?

In the beginning, she was asking how it went. I have down played it. I never called her with "I lost ___ lbs this month( I was trying to spare her feelings).

I have invited her to so many functions and even to just hang out, just the two of us, but she always has an excuse not to come.

She does not know how much wt I lost. I don't tell her and she doesn't ask, so I have not been bragging or throwing it in her face in any way, shape or form.

I know I am a reminder of what could have been, should have been, and I truly feel awful.

I have tried to talk to her and was hoping as time went by, she would feel differently, but apparently not.

She is a widow of 48, no kids and really needed the surgery.

I know she is lonely and was hoping this would jump start her life.

I never thought I would lose wt and lose a dear friend at the same time.

I'm sure she is happy I had the surgery, but just wishes she did too.

I will keep on inviting her and hope one day she will be in a better place and accept.

But it hurts :wub:

[LindaD 3]

Oh, Samantha... that is so sad, almost tragic. :mad: I hope you two find your way back to each other. :wub:

[BethFromVA 5]

Yes my own mother is acting weird......

She was always thin and beautful now as she's got older 21 yrs older then me...and bigger but still beautiful!

And i'm finaly thinner and when i tell her what size i am ect she saiz your beng vain lol ect and other things!

I' down 62kg/137lbs and I AM PROUD!

You OUGHTTA be proud, damnit!! You did GREAT!! You lost an entire person, or at least what I want to weigh when this is all over. WAY TO GO!!!

[BethFromVA 5]

So Samantha, did her insurance company at first okay it (due to the fact that she also went and had some pre-op work done) and THEN deny her, or did she somehow go get some of the pre-op stuff done herself?

Because if I were here, I would have fought it if they at first said yes then denied her. There are numerous links on here about people having done that and won. It still might not be over for her.

[samanthazzz 0]

So Samantha, did her insurance company at first okay it (due to the fact that she also went and had some pre-op work done) and THEN deny her, or did she somehow go get some of the pre-op stuff done herself?

Because if I were here, I would have fought it if they at first said yes then denied her. There are numerous links on here about people having done that and won. It still might not be over for her.

Her insurance booklet said it was covered. The surgeons office said it was covered, so she was beginning her consults. Apparently afterwards, her Human Resource person at work, said they dropped the surgery last year and it wasn't changed in her booklet. She did ask again, but her employer said no, they won't cover it. Isn't that awful? We were both so excited.

*I was wondering how people did with the surgery in Mexico. The cost, the recuperation, the fills in NJ?

I wanted to look into this for her, but am almost afraid to say anything in case she gets disapointed again. Does anyone know about this?

Thank you Linda, it is sad and I wish I won the lottery so I could pay for her surgery. Mentally, she is in a bad way. She's a good person, I know she was so counting on this and she feels hopeless now.

[BethFromVA 5]

Her insurance booklet said it was covered. The surgeons office said it was covered, so she was beginning her consults. Apparently afterwards, her Human Resource person at work, said they dropped the surgery last year and it wasn't changed in her booklet. She did ask again, but her employer said no, they won't cover it. Isn't that awful? We were both so excited.

*I was wondering how people did with the surgery in Mexico. The cost, the recuperation, the fills in NJ?

I wanted to look into this for her, but am almost afraid to say anything in case she gets disapointed again. Does anyone know about this?

Thank you Linda, it is sad and I wish I won the lottery so I could pay for her surgery. Mentally, she is in a bad way. She's a good person, I know she was so counting on this and she feels hopeless now.

Do you know if she had an older booklet? Because insurance is somewhat contractural, and what they cover and charge can change from year to year, I don't know that they can change it mid-stream, if this is what they did.

I still say if you can get her to come on here (or research for her if you think she's not in a good mindset), there are advocate threads on this site where people have fought the insurance companies and won. I mean, if everything pointed to the fact that it was covered, and then BLAM, mid-stream the HR person says it is not, she may have a cause of action against the insurance company for changing the contracted plan.

It's worth a shot, anyway. Many people have succeeded here when they have gone through almost exactly the same thing. If you're not sure where to look, I can try checking around or asking those I know here which threads are the most informative for filing a grievance with the insurance company.

[GreyhoundGirl 0]

My closest friend and I are as close as ever. She's a skinny mini cutie and has supported the whole thing! Even goes to the gym with me.

My boyfriend dumped me after the surgery and my other close friend who I went out with nearly every weekend completely stopped talking to me. She is also quite heavy and I think that has a lot to do with it in my situation

[emjay 8]

Her insurance booklet said it was covered. The surgeons office said it was covered, so she was beginning her consults. Apparently afterwards, her Human Resource person at work, said they dropped the surgery last year and it wasn't changed in her booklet. She did ask again, but her employer said no, they won't cover it. Isn't that awful? We were both so excited.

*I was wondering how people did with the surgery in Mexico. The cost, the recuperation, the fills in NJ?

I wanted to look into this for her, but am almost afraid to say anything in case she gets disapointed again. Does anyone know about this?

Thank you Linda, it is sad and I wish I won the lottery so I could pay for her surgery. Mentally, she is in a bad way. She's a good person, I know she was so counting on this and she feels hopeless now.

Her plan is required to notify all participants when there is a material modification to the plan within a certain time period after the change. She should ask for a copy of the amendment to the plan or the "summary of material modification" to the plan if this was changed. If there isn't one, and it is past the time period they have (which I believe is 60 days if it is a significant reduction in benefits, otherwise it is 210 days after end of plan year) to notify participants, she may have a legitimate argument to appeal her surgery. Believe me - if there wasn't notification - a lawyer would be very interested in helping her getting her surgery approved.

She has every right to have a copy of the modification to the plan and the employer/insurer has an obligation to provide it. If it wasn't provided - she has a legitimate argument in getting the surgery approved. If her Summary Plan Description (insurance manual) was re-printed, then the summary of material modification would not be needed since it is already considered part of the re-printed manual.

Sorry this is so long and might be boring to some other people - but if she has any chance in the world of gettting it covered, I thought you might be interested.

[Mangofish 1]

I had friends who really stepped up and helped me in every way possible (I didn't tell my family). The one person who hasn't even checked up on me is my close friend who had gastric bypass. No phone calls, emails, or even Facebook wall post. She lost so much weight and I was excited for her back in the day but she since has gained most of it back - she even hides pizza and other goodies from her DH. When I called her after my surgery - she barely spoke 10 minutes to me. It was very awkward and she kept quiet.

[samanthazzz 0]

Her plan is required to notify all participants when there is a material modification to the plan within a certain time period after the change. She should ask for a copy of the amendment to the plan or the "summary of material modification" to the plan if this was changed. If there isn't one, and it is past the time period they have (which I believe is 60 days if it is a significant reduction in benefits, otherwise it is 210 days after end of plan year) to notify participants, she may have a legitimate argument to appeal her surgery. Believe me - if there wasn't notification - a lawyer would be very interested in helping her getting her surgery approved.

She has every right to have a copy of the modification to the plan and the employer/insurer has an obligation to provide it. If it wasn't provided - she has a legitimate argument in getting the surgery approved. If her Summary Plan Description (insurance manual) was re-printed, then the summary of material modification would not be needed since it is already considered part of the re-printed manual.

Sorry this is so long and might be boring to some other people - but if she has any chance in the world of gettting it covered, I thought you might be interested.

Hi Emjay,

Her employer has laid off about 15 people right about the time they refused to pay and about 6 since (at least that was the last count she told me of, it could be more, as I don't talk to her much now). She is paranoid that she will be on the next round of lay offs if she makes a "stink". I told her to fight it, but she feels that if she loses, she will be without a job and still "fat" and she is scared. There are so many people out of work and she feels that as an obese person competing with thinner folks, she is at a disadvantage. Sadly, I must agree. It is an image driven world and prospective employers don't have to get to know you to see how competent or nice you are. Sometimes you don't even get in the door.

I will forward her this info. and let her do with it as she wants. You seem very well informed and knowledgeable.

You were very kind to share this with me. I hope it helps her.

Many thanks!

Samantha

[Catherine55 43]

Samantha -- I did my surgery in Mexico because my insurance would not cover it. It wound up costing under $10K, including plane tickets for myself and my mother -- the best money I ever spent. My doctor is Dr. Rumbaut, and there is a bunch of information about my surgery, photo of the hospital, etc. at the beginning of my blog. Please feel free to send a link to your friend if she is interested. She can also message me through this site if she has questions.

Best wishes,

Catherine

[samanthazzz 0]

Samantha -- I did my surgery in Mexico because my insurance would not cover it. It wound up costing under $10K, including plane tickets for myself and my mother -- the best money I ever spent. My doctor is Dr. Rumbaut, and there is a bunch of information about my surgery, photo of the hospital, etc. at the beginning of my blog. Please feel free to send a link to your friend if she is interested. She can also message me through this site if she has questions.

Best wishes,

Catherine

Hi Catherine,

I have spent some time reading your blog this morning. What a fun and interesting life you lead.

I did have some questions on your Mexican journey.

Might I ask if your price includes fills and did you need all that pre-op testing that we had? Pulmonary, Cardiac, sleep Apnea, Pysch, Gastro, and if so, was that also included? Did you have to go back to Mexico for follow up? How long were you in Mexico? My girlfriend is in Monmouth County, N.J.

PS-even your Mom looks better in the last picture..love the haircut!

Thank you so very much for responding with the info on Mexico. Is there an actual link to the Mexican DR/Hospital that you could share?

With gratitude,

Samantha

[lisa6 0]

i totally lost my best friend of 11 years! i was a-band-oned! 10 months ago i started this journey with the seminar and was just banded on aug.19th. i told her right away what i decided to do. we were diet and walking buddies. everything together, talked each day and live next door to eachother. all phone calls stopped. nothing. i have sent her flowers, cards and told her personally i want my best friend back. i get excuses. she knew of my surgery and has never even called to see how i am.last summer she had a minor surgery and i cooked for her family for a whole week. i also cleaned her house and of course have been there for her through many trials in her life. i'm very depressed about this. she knows i have health issues and i'm hoping loss of weight will cure them. i never would have imagined this would happen. lisa6:confused: