Anyone lose friends after Lap Band?

[angelic3432 0]

WHen I told my best friend about my approval she didnt seem very happy for me and later admitted she was a bit depressed b/c she thinks our friendship will change. We have both been big our whole lives and food was a big part of our friendship (Going out to eat, etc). She is married already and doesnt really go out so that isnt going to be an issue. But has this happened to anyone with a friend who is also overweight and how did they react to you losing your weight? We have been friends over 10 years and I told her I'd hope that me losing weight would not ruin that...

[saffy255 0]

I think someone may be jealous.....

[Enote 0]

I agree with saffy...I mean you stepped up and decided to change your life. She can't knock you for that, but she may be jealous cause you are making this change.

My opinion...If she was a true friend she would sit there and share your same joy and happiness. That is a true friend!

Sometimes you see a persons true side, just takes certain things to figure them out.

Good luck with everything!

Erick (Enote)

[saffy255 0]

I REALLY do think that's the problem...

My best friend is also large - not as large as me, but large. She was SO pleased I got the surgery, and even took me to the hospital and sat with me until they toook me down.

Afterwards she came round with magazines, drinks and even a teeny tiny ice cream!! True friends will stick with you regardless of your weight!

[lapme 0]

It's not uncommon that you may loose a few friends. She is most likely upset with you because she doesn't feel good about herself. You are reminding her that deep down inside, she wants to change too, but may not have the same strength as you. Misery loves company. She just does not want to be big by herself. My best friend of 20 years had her lap-band surgery about two weeks before me (I just had my surgery yesterday 7/2), so we have been going thru this together. I'm sure if you give your friend some time, she will come around. Good friends are very hard to find!:eek:

If she is a true friend, she will figure this out!!

[RestlessMonkey 7]

I'm still large but my friends are my friends (picky broad here) I'm "friendly" with everyone but only have a close core of people who are lifelong friends. Most of them knew me thinner, knew me fatter, and love me (lucky girl I am!) for things other than my weight. I've never had a friendship based on eating like some people I've read, although in college I had a couple based on drinking! LOL those are long gone! :eek:

Life changes and people come into and go out of our lives. If you lose any, they weren't good core friends anyway.

[sandyswhisper 0]

I would agree that my relationship with my 'best friend' has changed since I had the surgery.

I have kept her informed of the whole process, my insurance approval etc. She seems very indifferent about the same thing. I had my surgery on 4/15 and have yet to see her. she didn't call to check on my, didn't drive over to see me, even though I was home for 3 weeks. It's discouraging...but I know that she is jealous...simply put. I had hoped to talk to her about HER considering it...she has always been bigger than me. She states that it's the idea of surgery that she 'won't do it'...she seems very disinterested in the whole thing...makes me very sad. I haven't talked to her about it...but feel like I'm building up to saying something. It is definitely NOT what I would've expected.

Keep your head up and remember that you did it for yourself...nobody else!

[jlray 0]

She probably is jealous, and doesn't want to be big by herself, but I don't think you should automatically dismiss her from your "true friends" list. If you've been friends for TEN years - that's a long time!!

I think she's being as honest as she knows how by telling you she's afraid your relationship will change. Around you, she isn't ashamed to be a big girl, cuz you're big, too. She can eat and let it all hang out, knowing you're by her side and won't judge her. People DO change when they lose weight - they get more confident, and often venture out to meet new people and do new things. Maybe that's what she's afraid of - that you'll go off and leave her alone.

Talk to your friend - reassure her that you'll always be her friend no matter what. And that if you ever start acting too big for your britches, she's allowed to kick you in those pants! :juggle:

[4weightlosssake 8]

My friend was actually the one that convinced my to have this surgery after I flipped on my husband for even suggesting it. She was there for the day of the surgery, took care of my kids after the surgery and all the excitement we built up together before the surgery. I can't wait for her to have her own surgery soon.

On the other hand, I have another friend I have been friends with for over ten yrs. We are both married. She is bigger than me and have HBP. I didn't tell her about my surgery till like 3 wks post surgery. She called me one day complaining on how she has all these health issues and blah blah blah. So I told her about the surgery just in case she wants to look into it. The following week, she and her husband went and joined a gym and she never got back to me on her decision. I know our relationship won't be the same after I lose weight because she will get so defensive about everything fat

[ericanda1973 1]

I am on the other end, my best friend is thin and her 2 closest friends are heavy me and another girl. She is still trying to talk me out of getting surgery. I get my surgery next Friday and NO ONE is talking me out of it. She says cause it is dangerous and that I can do it on my own. NO I CAN"T obviously. So I let her say what she wants and tell her I am doing this no matter what. But sometimes I wonder if she likes being the skinny one of us 3 . Oh well going to get it done , can't wait. Heading into day 6 of pre op diet and getting excited.

[mbranham0306 0]

Where I work there's only 2 of us that work there and I've worked there for 6 years, so me and the other lady that work there are pretty close--I thought. We go to lunch and talk on the phone on the weekends and stuff. She didn't seem too happy when I told her my date had been set. Oh she was fine and excited when I first said I was having it but when I started my low carb diet a month before my surgery she was not encouraging. She kept bringing cake and candy to work and asking if I wanted any of it. (hello! low carb people!) She is overweight too but she acts like she's not! She had seen about having the surgery and wouldn't do it because her insurance company wanted the 6 month weight loss try with the doctor first. When I kept bringing my "diet" food to work she kept saying she'd just eat what she wanted too, not that stuff. Very encouraging huh? :juggle:

Then when I told her I'd be off a couple of weeks she had a fit. But the boss told me to take off until the first of August, which I have done. She told me there was no reason I couldn't come back to work on the Monday after my surgery. She's really not a very understanding person and is really hating me for having to type all the dictation while I'm off. She hasn't called to check on me one time.

That's just the way some people are. If they truly are your friend they will support you. If not, as bad as it is to say, we're better off without them.

[greytz 4]

There are so many people in my life as I am sure in all of yours. Unfortunately, if you think about it there are a lot of posts on here of people who have a really hard time getting through this process mentally and physically. As I am sure there are jealous friends and acquaintances I think we also must look at the psyche of the person who is displaying the bad behavior. It must really be difficult for them particularly if they have shared their life with you during the time both of you are overweight. Even though you have had fun together and felt comfortable with each other, there was a certain sense of sharing an insecurity which sort of bonded you together. Deep down just about anyone who is overweight is insecure but it isn't discussed just secretly shared. Now, all of the sudden we have decided to break out of that shell, shed our insecurities and do something monumental about our weight. Your friend, co-worker, family member all of the sudden has to accept the fact that you are no longer the same person inside and out. You can't possibly be if you are going through this process. In my mind, you have to be changing (for the better of course). That must be a huge shock to the people around us. For the people who are secure in themselves, it is a good thing and they will support you, but unfortunately for the people who are not secure, it will be a bad thing and they will not support you because they do not know how and cannot fathom what we are doing. For those people, you may not ever have the same relationship again. I think it is important not to get defensive about it and either move on or try to understand how the person who is on the outside looking in must feel. Just as you are going through a life change, so are they. It makes them look in the mirror and think why her, why not me? or now I have no one who knows how I feel. I have too much to look forward to and too much at stake to use up your energy on the negativity of a failed relationship. I hope my friends who don't believe in what I am doing come around but if they don't so be it. The funny thing is, most of my friends are thin and a few of them feel just the way a couple of the overweight ones do and don't want me to get thin.

[kyotosong 8]

my best friend is 'normal' weight and when i first told her about the surgery, she was upset because she didn't want me to die. (haha, i guess it's a valid reaction but it's still kind of extreme and silly)

because of that, i invited her to go with me to the pre-op class, because she's the type that feels more comfortable the more information she has and i didn't want her freaking out unnecessarily. but now i fear that she's going to be a food nazi to me (i.e. nag me like my mother would). she said that she's here to support me and all that, help me make the "right" choices but also had to say in all the many years she's known me, she's "yet to see me push myself".

um...

that upset me to the point i didn't talk to her for days - i "wrote" her an extensive email, but it was only in my head. just because i didn't include her in my daily struggles or brag about every pound i lost pre-op, or she was there to witness my eating the first cinnabon i'd had in 6 months(this was years ago but man, she was disgusted w/me and had to comment, as if because i'm fat i'm supposed to be punished by eating bland and unflavorful food for the rest of my life and never, ever have a treat). she's just one of those "if you want it, you just DO IT" type of people - because she's never had to struggle. she can't empathize. she doesn't know what it's like to be depressed, and when i was (or when her ex husband was) she had the "why don't you just snap out of it?" attitude.

it really bothers me.

she also said that she'd help me come clean out my pantry/fridge to keep the craving foods out of sight (as suggested in the class), but when i told her it wasn't necessary, she looked at me like i was trying to hold onto a years stash of ho-ho's or something. because god knows, to be this fat, i must gorge myself constantly on fast food and pastries and ice cream and everything high calorie and fattening. that's the only way, right? she asked me again about helping with the pantry right before the surgery and i told her thanks but i don't need any help in that area. i didn't know if she pictured a "fat person's junk food paradise" or something because she sounded unconvinced...for the record, i have a pantry full of decent food that i have to get rid of - because it is out of date. i feel ashamed of that because i've spent money on food i never ate and now i have to throw it out and there are hungry/struggling people out there...

she has been supportive, however. she was there for the surgery and brought me flowers and all that, i just wonder how things will change between us when i get closer to looking like her than i do now. because they will. i have the feeling that she'll include me more in her life because all of her other friends are "normal" weight and she does stuff with them so much more than with me. it's like my fatness is some how a reflection of her...

ugh.

yeah, we have issues. and i'm probably going to tell her how i feel (and have felt) sooner or later, and that may be the catalyst for us to grow apart or become closer. i just don't know yet.

[FailureIsntAnOption 0]

Wouldn't it be great if you could talk your friend into doing this with you? Then you can both support one another. I'm sure she is somewhat jealous of you. Why wouldn't she be? You are taking a huge step to improve your health and the way you look and she feels she is going to be left behind. I would encourage her all you can to look into making a change toward healthiness and happiness.

Good luck to you on your weight loss journey.

[lindsayb 0]

I lost my best friend, and I believe it was partly due to the surgery. We're trying to rebuild, but it will probably never be the same. She's struggled with her weight her entire life as well.