Why do they say it?s cheating?

[KartMan 58]

I mentioned my weight loss to a friend the other day and he said in jest, “yeah but you cheated”. I know he was kinda joking and he struggles with weight too. But why is it considered cheating? How is what we did different than what everyone else does? I mean everybody needs to do something right? Some people get Lipo, others use drugs, a personal trainer is just the ticket for others. Some lucky people are able to do it by themselves with strict control of their diet. It seems to me almost everybody needs some sort of tool or trick, ours is the band, I just don’t see how it is cheating.

[RestlessMonkey 7]

I don't understand that mindset either. I THINK it's honestly tied to a residual belief that being fat is a character flaw, and getting surgery is a "quick fix". Of course, neither of those things are true, but misinformation abounds in this information age. Some of us are Enlightened, some still struggle in the dark.

[KartMan 58]

Yeah, but he’s fat too. Heck, for that matter, it seems most of are fat these days. I always knew I ate too much and that was the main reason for my weight. But I honestly never believed I could eat as little as I do now and feel ok from an energy perspective. I eat like I friggen bird now and I feel more energetic than ever.

[RestlessMonkey 7]

But...fat people ESPECIALLY can think (not ALL do, but many) that if only THEY dieted/did the right thing/were "good" that something like weight loss surgery would not be necessary, and shame on you for throwing all that and going ahead and doing it! I don't think it's always intentional, but it is judgmental, and it springs I think from an internal secret fear.

How often do you or have you heard people say "I cheated" or "I was good today" or "Today I was bad" when referring to eating?

It's not just emotion, it's bottom line hearkening back to that "good people aren't fat" idea that was big in the 60's, 50's and before...partly the old mythic "gluttony is one of the deadly sins" thing.

Again I don't think many fat people who are against surgery would readily agree with my idea, but if they really searched and looked deep, they'd have to give it some merit.

AND partly it's lack of education. People see obese people drop weight really fast after many WLS and they assume it's easy. Again, faulty logic. But since when are people logical?

Either way, you're doing marvelously and you know it wasn't easy and you and I and thousands like us know it is a smart decision. Personally at 54 after doing diets for literally almost 40 years I am almost ashamed it took me so long to think...ok kiddo this isn't working. Now what? LOL

We'll face that type of "weight loss discrimination", though. It's just all part of the "quick fix" we've opted for (mild sarcasm there!)

[Libbyjane1976 1]

The lapband is just a tool to help us lose weight. It doesn't lose weight for us. We are the ones who are in control of the food we put into our body not the lap band. Your friend is just jealous.

[Jachut 487]

I agree restless, I think its a pretty deep seated emotion that leads people to think this way.

Also, I think we ALL at some point in time thought if we had this surgery we'd lose weight easily without trying.

It's still not cheating even if we didnt have to try, I mean why NOT use something that works for pete's sake. Its like saying its cheating to use all the conveniences of modern life - our dishwashers, washing machines, ovens, dryers, lawn mowers, cars - I mean yes, people lived without them but now we've got them why would you WANT to?

But having WLS doesnt make weight loss quite that easy - the trouble is you dont know that till you've had it.

[Who'sThere 331]

So interesting that I find this thread today...

A girl I work with came by today to get something for her graduate class. I mentioned that I was on my preop liquid diet and explained to her what stages I will go through after surgery before I can eat relatively normally again. (My blender, Protein powder, etc. were still lying on the dining room table where I haven't unpacked from vacation.) She commented on how hard it must be and how she could never do it. I replied that this was what people called taking the easy way out. She totally got it that this still requires serious work. That made me feel really good! I just wish everyone understood.

[RestlessMonkey 7]

Exactly Jachut...you are right..nothing wrong if it WERE easy! LOL I'd be all over that, who CARES what people say.

At one point in my past I thought WLS would be like trading one "affliction" for another...that I would just be "hiding" my difference. I had to really work through that. Obesity is an odd state. I'll be happy to leave it.

[jujuvee 0]

I swore I would never go this route and I myself admit that I would tell people that it was the easy way out...boy was I wrong, heck it would have been a lot easier to just stay fat. I have worked harder at this now then I ever worked on any diet/fitness plan, not sure if it's just a different mindset now or what.

Also when I was fat no one ever would tell me that I needed to lose weight, start exercising or encourage me in any way, not even my doctor, but now I am totally in the spotlight and can't get away from the attention.

I will say it loud and proud now, Lapband gave me my life back!

[silvers320 12]

I had a similar experience at a BBQ. And the husband who was fat, wanted to know what I did and I was trying to not make a big deal out of. His wife whispered to him. "oh he had that surgery" It REALLY pissed me off at first - for 2 reason.

1. Yes, I did have a surgery. I used 150-200 of medical advances. No different then a polio vaccine. If I had a pace maker put in - no one would bat an eye.

2. Second, yes I had a surgery but I have never worked harder at anything in my life. I had to change 30+ years of bad eating habits and lack of activity.

In the end they can think what they like, you can't change people but I know the truth.

[Libbyjane1976 1]

I'm starting to get people at work notice my weight loss. The office I work in, everybody knows I had lapband done, but people in other offices have no clue (I work for the County). People come up to me and say what's your secret. I've told one person because she had a friend who is obese and she wanted to be able to pass along my advice to her friend so I gave her my surgeon's card. But another lady who approached me I just kinda played it off and said thank you. You're right people do watch you.

My dad asks how much you up to now and there are times I don't lose anything that week and he's like that's it. That really annoys me. I finally had to sit him down and tell him that my weight loss is going to be much slower with lapband because the lb is a tool to help you lose weight. It doesn't lose weight for you. I still have to control what I eat. Ugh! Frustrating.

[Sarah.R 2]

I just think of it this way. We want to keep the weight off, sure we could have done it ourselves but the chances of gaining it back plus more weight? Who wants that? I sure don't want to loose 120lbs and then gain that back plus more. This was the only solution, the band is a tool that will help me keep the weight off and keep me healthier in the long run. Why do people have such strong opinions against it when the simple fact is, you want to loose the weight and keep it off? Not loose the weight, keep it off for a little while and then gain it back?

[Fae 0]

While most reactions to my band are positive, it's usually the people that are jealous and want a band themselves that I get the most negative reactions too. Still, I much rather have people think I cheated then go with the absolute definition of insanity, which would be dieting over and over again : /

[MissBS 3]

Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity. Lack of knowledge is "the easy way out".

[ifyourstomachoffendsyou 1]

Most people don't understand this disease. They don't see it as a medical condition that frequently requires a medical solution. Sometimes it seems they'd rather you died and went down fighting the disease on your own than that you get the help that could save your life and help you win the war. They are shame-based people who have to transfer that shame onto others.

I've been writing about just this issue in my blog:

IF YOUR STOMACH OFFENDS YOU, TIE IT OFF

I started it June 9 when I found out I'd been approved and June 18 was my surgery date. There are several posts dealing with guilt.