I don't care: A Michael Jackson Rant

[pattygreen 5]

It's true that a 'convicted' child molester can't be around kids, but what about someone like my nephew who never went to court about his molesting attempts, yet everyone knows his potential to do it? You can't keep them legally from going anywhere. In my nephews case, he admitted to me and my husband that he did a stupid thing and that he did try something, but later on when we 'disowned' him, he took his admission back and said my son was lying about it. Go figure.

[rodriguezequal 3]

Not true...just like restuarants and bars churches "Have the right to refuse services to anyone". Did you go to the police at least?

[pattygreen 5]

We thought and prayed good and hard about that. (Going to the police.) We chose not to in the end. One stipulation we gave him was to stay away from my kids or we would. We mostly didn't report it for my sisters sake. It was her son. I'm not saying we made the right decision, but it's been made. This happened 6 years ago. Alot of it could be construed as hearsay. His word against mine. And since technically, nothing happened, what would they do about it? Of course it would have been on file, and if he got caught molesting anyone else, it would have helped their case, but I can't turn back the clock now. Come to think of it, when he was 17, he got reported for attempting to touch an 11 year old boy. So, my son would have been his second report. It sure does scare me to think that he could hurt a child. What can you do?

[Gone4Now 4]

I think that I would not be there if I knew a child molester was attending, but it really is illegal to keep them from church? I would think that gets into an issue of separation of church and state, but I'm the first to admit I don't know about those kinds of laws.

My history with abuse is this:

Me - my babysitters husband who raped me and got away with it. He was never convicted of anything and no one really "knows" the truth outside of me, the other girl and him. So, he walks around (probably not...he's probably dead - he was old back when I was 5...) but for a long time - he walked around and no one knew.

Also, my mom's uncle - all he did (I brush it off because it was nothing compared to what else had happened) was have me, at age 7, grab his crotch and hold my hand there. I said, "Is that all?" I guess my non-innocence turned him off because he had me let go. I never told anyone, and then later learned that he'd molested my mom and her aunt. I guess it runs in our family, the F'ers.

My mom & her sister - Her dad admitted it, and by the time I came along no one "knew" it then either. They went to church every Sunday, and unless anyone in the family told the congegration (sp?) no one there even blinked twice at him.

With her uncle, they'd go visit their grandmother for summers and he'd climb into bed with them and play "find the finger" Well, of course, it wasn't a finger they found.

My nephew - He was raped when he was little by his mother's boyfriend. My brother was made aware of it about a year after the fact when the nephew slammed a girls head into the wall at school. He got therapy but as far as I know the man was never charged. I don't know the details, but I'm sure he's walking free today.

My high school friend - He was the abuser. He was my boyfriend's best friend and we all got a townhouse together after high school. Things went to hell with our relationship and the two of them moved out. I didn't hear back from them until a few years later. I'd had my daughter and my friend was staying at another house with a couple and their 12 year old daughter. I found out that he'd been arrested for kissing her. I was floored, and wrote to him in jail. We talked for a little while, but I really wanted to know WHY. His story was that she was mature for her age and he really loved her. He was going to wait for her to grow older and marry her. Ick. So, that's the last I've heard of him.

I have friends and coworkers who were abused as well - a lot of them by family members, and most cases it was swept under the rug.

My point is...out of all these stories, only one went to jail and is on the website for sex offenders. There are so many out there walking around and we can't know it unless we're notified.

But, if one did show up at work, or at a church I went to, you better bet I'd be the one walking them to the bathroom stall. I'd be the one telling everyone the deeds that were done.

I don't forgive very easily, although I can try to look at other sides of people. But this has been proven that child sex offenders are more likely to repeat their crimes than any other criminal offense! I can't over look the facts, or put aside my child's safety for the personal well being of a sex offender. They shouldn't have done it. They should be prepared that jail isn't the only punishment. That public scrutiny and isolation will follow.

If a thief walks in and says, "I'm a redeemed thief..." would you still leave your purse with him? I wouldn't. And, I wouldn't put my child on the radar of a sex offender. My kid isn't bait, and I don't want to take my chances.

I don't feel bad for any of these men...and they should feel lucky! If I had my way, their little man parts would be shark bait.

[Gone4Now 4]

We thought and prayed good and hard about that. (Going to the police.) We chose not to in the end. One stipulation we gave him was to stay away from my kids or we would. We mostly didn't report it for my sisters sake. It was her son. I'm not saying we made the right decision, but it's been made. This happened 6 years ago. Alot of it could be construed as hearsay. His word against mine. And since technically, nothing happened, what would they do about it? Of course it would have been on file, and if he got caught molesting anyone else, it would have helped their case, but I can't turn back the clock now. Come to think of it, when he was 17, he got reported for attempting to touch an 11 year old boy. So, my son would have been his second report. It sure does scare me to think that he could hurt a child. What can you do?

You can still go to the police. Really...what are you waiting for?

You not telling is putting other children at risk. You just told your nephew that it's okay, as long as you don't get caught.

He's doing it again..either now, or later when he's older. He'll do it again to someone else.

Are you really okay with that?

[pattygreen 5]

After reading the long list of child abuse in your life, not just you, but others in your family, I can understand why you started this thread about MJ. I am soooo sorry that you had to grow up dealing with that. Children are supposed to 'enjoy' their childhood - protected, carefree and loved. I can see why anyone accused of molesting young children would turn you off so badly. It turns me off to them, and I was never abused.

[rodriguezequal 3]

I cannot believe you wouldn't go to the police! Don't you want to not only protect your child/children, but other kids too!?

[Gone4Now 4]

:tongue2: Funny thing is, now I feel kinda over it. I can still enjoy my life, and love the people in it. It took a long time, and it wasn't until recently that I began looking into it and trully "getting over it." I guess about the time of lapbanding - when I decided to change my eating habits, I had to find out what they were and why they were there.

For a while I did have trouble with sheds...I couldn't go in one. It was last year when I moved in with DH that I had to go into the shed to get something. He knows how traumatic it was, so he offered to come down off the roof and get whatever it was, but I went in. I cried the whole time I was in there, but now I can go in and out w/out any troubles. I don't even think twice about it now - now the memory of sheds is of DH and my life and future together.

I think I just need to face the things I'm afraid of, and I do better.

Honestly, my childhood sucked more because my mom was a selfish brat. I really don't consider the abuse to have effected me that much. (Well, I guess one day when I'm on a Water tower I'll be eating those words, huh?)

I feel bad for my mom because she still has issues. She never really got over it, and maybe because it was her own father. I guess my issue is that the people who abused me weren't around, but she had to see him every day. The tension and strangeness that would have created would have driven me insane!

Not to mention she loved him. I hated my great-uncle and babysitter's whole family. I could cut my losses and move on, but when it's your DAD? Hm...anyway...like I said, I feel sorry for my mom the most.

[Gone4Now 4]

I cannot believe you wouldn't go to the police! Don't you want to not only protect your child/children, but other kids too!?

I agree ONE THOUSAND percent. Please, I urge you - go to the police!

My nephew and daughter had been so close and he loved her so much, but after he was abused he was different. They couldn't be together anymore, not because he'd done anything but because I knew he wasn't well. She didn't understand it, but it had to be done.

Sometimes our family won't like what we do, but it's not really about them. We're here to protect the young - our own or not. Some people look the other way, and others fix the problems.

Please, please...fix this. You are in a position where you can do something. As a mother, too, I'd want to know if my daughter did anything to hurt another child. You need to tell your sister, whether she handles it responsibly or not - you need to.

[luluc 6]

i'm not a fan of those who know/knew about abuse & fail to do the right thing by contacting the authorities and getting those individuals out of the general population.

i can appreciate being "scared" as one who is "abused" themselves - but a second party to blindly ignore is criminal.

might sound harsh - but my stance.

my dad was abused by his mom daily - he never so much as put a hand on me other than to hug. cycles can be brokes and it's lame to use it as an excuse.

[pattygreen 5]

I won't report something that he 'attempted' to do 6 years ago. Noone kept this from his mother. My sister was told about it immediately after he tried something. The rest of the family was also told. (What happened was that my 24 year old nephew attempted to get my 14 year old son to masterbate in front of him. He was going to show him how to do it.)

[Gone4Now 4]

But, didn't he do it again to someone else?

[rodriguezequal 3]

So what an attempt would be bad enough for me! Just because your family is aware doesn't mean he wont do it or try to do it with someone elses kid!

[rodriguezequal 3]

When I was abused/molested/raped each time I did my best to make sure they would never do it again to ANYONE! not just to me!

[pattygreen 5]

He got caught with a young boy when he was 17 , and that was years before he tried to do it with my son. He was 24 with my son. I didn't know about that incident with the boy until after his attempt with my son. Since the family outrage over his attempt with my son, he hasn't been caught trying it with anyone else.