I don't care: A Michael Jackson Rant

[Gone4Now 4]

Wow, Susan! I'm glad you stood up to it! No one should be supported after doing that.

My grandfather is the one who molested my mom and my aunt. I didn't know that until I was in my mid-20's. My mom finally broke down and told me.

As a kid, he was my EVERYTHING. My dad had gone and we lived with him and my grandmother. My grandmother hated my mom, but mom was "daddy's little girl" the whole way through. I found out later still, that my mom went along with whatever he wanted and never told anyone. My aunt, however, told immediately. My grandmother was going to leave him, but the kids asked her not to and she stayed. WTF?

But, he never touched me or anyone else - that I know of! I look back now and hate that I have to reconcile what he did to how wonderful he was to me. AND, on top of that, I wonder HOW my mother could put me in that situation? He was certainly capable of it!

I remember she ALWAYS would ask if he touches me, if he kisses me and I was always like, "EW No...He's PawPaw!!"

How ironic that that she made me live with a molester, but it was my babysitter's husband who molested me the most. I'd go there in the mornings and after school. And, sometimes at night when my mom had dates. I was like my mom - I never told anyone. The other girl that was there was a little older and she told. The police questioned me and I still said no...When mom and I had the talk about all that in my 20's, she said she had no idea. I wonder if I was that good at lying, or if she just didn't want to believe it?

I've told DD that if anyone - my DH, her pawpaw, a teacher - ANYONE can be "that guy" and if anyone does touch her she is to tell me immediately. I can't be there 24/7 and I have to instill in her it's okay to tell me.

A few weeks ago a teacher at her school here in Houston was arrested for taking indecent pictures of girls. We saw him on the news and she was shocked. She said, "But he's so nice!"

It was perfect opportunity to show her that molesters come in child-friendly packages.

[pattygreen 5]

Just because the person who did it was a long time family friend, he should be forgiven.

I believe that forgiveness is always the right thing to do. The Lord says that he will not forgive our sins if we do not forgive the sins of others. If we forgive people when they do wrong, it helps us to cope. Unforgiveness in a person is like a cancer. Discipline and punishment for our sins is quite another thing. Everyone who molests a child needs to be jailed. I don't know for how long, but if they do it once, they will most likely do it again. This is what I'm told. To forgive is one thing, to not be on your guard afterwards is another. I have a nephew, who is also a gay man. When my son was 14, and he was 24, he allowed my son to drive his car against our saying NO. He used this to keep my son quiet about his attempts at molesting him. He told him that if he told anyone, that his parents would also find out that he was driving when he was told not to. My son was smart and ran from the car as my nephew was taking off his pants. He was going to "teach" him how to masturbate. I have forgiven him for this, but we never, ever allow him at our home, or to be around our children (his cousins). We forgive, cause all are sinners, but we don't forget. Only God has the ability to 'forget' our sins.

[pattygreen 5]

Another thing we must do when we know that a person 'likes' children....Keep an eye on his doings, activities and life. When my nephew started to attend our church, my husband and I told the pastor what he tried to do with my son, and they called him into their office to talk with him. They told him that if he chose to make this church his home church, that it was okay, but he needed to be aware that he would be watched. If he got up to go to the men's room, someone would follow him. He wasn't permitted to get involved in any children's ministries because we all knew about him. You play, you pay. Needless to say, he doesn't go to our church anymore. When we found out what church he went to next, we notified the pastor there. Hey, too bad for him! He shouldn't have tried what he did. Even though nothing bad happened, it scarred my son, and ruined the family get togethers. What's the matter with people anyway? Sick.

[rodriguezequal 3]

Wow...really sounds like you forgave him *rolls eyes*

[BethFromVA 5]

After all this, my parents decided to remain friends with them and support them. His wife stayed with him. When my daughter was six, my parents informed me they were coming down from Michigan to visit and wanted us to come over for dinner and spend time with them. Having a six year old daughter and an eight year old son, I refused. My mother was absolutely livid with me. She said I was being terribly unsupportive of a long time family friend. No matter how angry she was with me, it didn't matter. I am a parent and my job first and foremost is to protect my children. If I had taken my children around a man who I know is a convicted child molester, I would have failed my children as their parent.

Eventually, my father and I had lunch and he came around to my side of things. I told him, what about all the times we sat there watching the news about these kind of people and you said there would be no trial or jail time because you would kill anyone who did that to your children or grandchildren? Just because the person who did it was a long time family friend, he should be forgiven. What about that little girls parents, how do you think they feel?

Wow, I'm shocked you even had to be put in that situation! Family friend or not, the fact is, your mother sounded like she was in essence willing to risk your children's safety and well-being with a friend who was a KNOWN pedophile! Where do you think most abuse victims come from?? From right under our noses, the ones most available to us.

Omg, I'm SO glad you stuck to your guns!!

[jenajjthr 0]

Another thing we must do when we know that a person 'likes' children....Keep an eye on his doings, activities and life. When my nephew started to attend our church, my husband and I told the pastor what he tried to do with my son, and they called him into their office to talk with him. They told him that if he chose to make this church his home church, that it was okay, but he needed to be aware that he would be watched. If he got up to go to the men's room, someone would follow him. He wasn't permitted to get involved in any children's ministries because we all knew about him. You play, you pay. Needless to say, he doesn't go to our church anymore. When we found out what church he went to next, we notified the pastor there. Hey, too bad for him! He shouldn't have tried what he did. Even though nothing bad happened, it scarred my son, and ruined the family get togethers. What's the matter with people anyway? Sick.

Wow...really sounds like you forgave him *rolls eyes*

There is a difference between forgiving and ignoring. I was abused as a child and HATED the person who did it to me. I couldn't forgive him for what he had done to me. Guess who I was hurting through all that......me and only me. He didn't care if I hated him, didn't forgive him, and so on. On the other hand though, I was angry, bitter, felt worthless, etc. It wasn't until that I couldn forgive him that I could let go of all that and move on with my life. I was finally able to stop being the victim. But that doesn't mean I will ever forget what he did to me. And therefore I would also need to protect other children if I could. I no longer live in the same city as him and have no way of keeping up with his doings. If I did and I knew he was purposefully putting himself in places where young children are going to be, I would want to protect them. It has nothing to do whether or not I forgave him, but more of protecting innocent children. I could never live with myself if I could have done something and choose not to do it. Remember pedophiles rarely stop what they do, no matter what they say. Just because you forgive someone doesn't mean you now have the right to overlook their actions and ignore them.

[rodriguezequal 3]

I wasn't talking about you. I was talking about Patty. Preventing a man from going to church! Maybe he was going because he realized the errors he had made/attempted to make and wanted to change. Following him when he went to the bathroom...that all sounds ridiculous. If he wasn't wanted as part of the church than purhaps someone should have just said...you are not welcome here.

[jenajjthr 0]

I wasn't talking about you. I was talking about Patty. Preventing a man from going to church! Maybe he was going because he realized the errors he had made/attempted to make and wanted to change. Following him when he went to the bathroom...that all sounds ridiculous. If he wasn't wanted as part of the church than purhaps someone should have just said...you are not welcome here.

I know you weren't talking about me. The man wasn't prevented from going to church, he was prevented from being alone in the church. If he truly realized the errors and wanted to make a change he would have accepted the limitations put on him as his pennance until he earned the trust of the congregation. Put yourself in a parent's shoes for one moment. How comfortable would you be having a pedophile in your congregation? Wouldn't you want to know his whereabouts at all times? Wouldn't you want to know that he was being watched? Just because I may be christian and so are those church members doesn't mean we check our intelligence at the door. He doesn't get to be trusted automatically because he starts to go to church, he earns it back. And the statement by Patty that he ended up leaving the church to go to another just goes to show that he probably wasn't on the "up and up."

[rodriguezequal 3]

If I was religious and my church ALLOWED a pedifile to attend the church I would leave the church. Pediphiles (legally) are not allowed to be near children at all. I was just saying that it didn't sounds like she had forgiven him.

[rodriguezequal 3]

Did anyone else see this: Boy: Jackson Didn't Molest Me - CBS News Video

[KartMan 58]

Just because the person who did it was a long time family friend, he should be forgiven.

I believe that forgiveness is always the right thing to do. The Lord says that he will not forgive our sins if we do not forgive the sins of others. If we forgive people when they do wrong, it helps us to cope. Unforgiveness in a person is like a cancer. Discipline and punishment for our sins is quite another thing. Everyone who molests a child needs to be jailed. I don't know for how long, but if they do it once, they will most likely do it again. This is what I'm told. To forgive is one thing, to not be on your guard afterwards is another. I have a nephew, who is also a gay man. When my son was 14, and he was 24, he allowed my son to drive his car against our saying NO. He used this to keep my son quiet about his attempts at molesting him. He told him that if he told anyone, that his parents would also find out that he was driving when he was told not to. My son was smart and ran from the car as my nephew was taking off his pants. He was going to "teach" him how to masturbate. I have forgiven him for this, but we never, ever allow him at our home, or to be around our children (his cousins). We forgive, cause all are sinners, but we don't forget. Only God has the ability to 'forget' our sins.

I'm curious, were you also able to forgive him for being Gay?

[rodriguezequal 3]

I was thinking that same thing!

[pattygreen 5]

Just because the person who did it was a long time family friend, he should be forgiven.

I'm curious, were you also able to forgive him for being Gay?

His being gay is not for me to forgive. His being gay is no offense to me. Trying to molest my child is an offense to me.

[pattygreen 5]

If I was religious and my church ALLOWED a pedifile to attend the church I would leave the church. Pediphiles (legally) are not allowed to be near children at all. I was just saying that it didn't sounds like she had forgiven him.

Forgiveness is a choice that we make. As a christian, I have learned so much about the sinful, wickedness of mankind. I understand that all people do wrong, terrible wrongs, even child molestation and murder. I see humans for what we are. Therefore, I can forgive others rather easily. So, yes, I have forgiven him. I won't forget what he did and I will keep him away from us and our family for the sake of my son, and I will keep my eye on him. As for going to church. My family had been attending that church for over 20 years. He just started to attend. We confronted him about that. Why did he want to start going to the same church as us? If he continued there, we would have had to leave and attend elsewhere, for my son's sake. Uproot our children from their lifetime church and friendships? Not us. Now, who should go elsewhere? He lived 2 towns away. We lived in town. He was upset that we wrote him off our list as far as a relationship goes, and he used to come to our home all the time. After that incident, we also learned that he had 'tried' something with my then 11 year old son after he exited the shower with just a towel around him. My son told him to stay away from him and went downstairs. Thankfully, my kids are very outspoken and not easily intimidated.

When a church discovers a potential child abuser, they have every right to tell that person that they know of his attempts and will be following them around. There are many consequences that go along with being a pediphile. Too bad for them. Keep their hands to themselves then!

[rodriguezequal 3]

Like I said IF I was religious and attended church I would be pissed if they even allowed a pedifile to attend. Like I said before it is ILLEGAL for a child molester to go somewhere that kids are (churches, schools, daycares) so the church should have said absolutely not and not sure, but we'll be watchin you...come on...grow a pair and say NO