Ready to come clean - long

MelissaE1979 · September 16, 2005

I've found this site just a couple of days ago, and think I've perused just about every single post...archives included! What a lot of great info.

I've just started down this lap road, I'm attending a seminar tomorrow, and have my consult next week. A couple of years ago I was approved for RNY, after completing a 7 month Lifestyle Redesign Program, but chickened out a few weeks prior to surgery. Innards aren't furniture...not to be rearranged on a whim!

About that same time, I was diagnosed with type2 diabetes, and hypertension. At first it was a hard hit...no longer a chubby, jolly kid, but a morbidly obese adult with life threatening illnesses.

For the last year or so I've been really guilty of gross patient non-complience, I saw a shrink and that helped me realize a lot of my self-sabotaging behaviors.

But now I'm ready to face the music....

My dad died about 4 months ago, from throat cancer....3 weeks before his 54th birthday! My mom, who is 46, has heart disease, severe kidney problems, glucoma, and it isn't an exaggeration to say she'll be lucky to make it to a very "ripe" age herself.

I recognize and now fully appreciate what it means to me to have a parent die that young. My brother, who has 2 young children, still smokes! On my last visit to my dad's house, my dad was telling me that he didn't want to die for NOTHING...he said he'd lay down his life to prevent his son from going through his ordeal, and sparing his grandkids of what his own children (me and my bro) were being faced with. Well I confronted my brother right then and there on the front lawn having a smoke...my dad said he me from inside! (Much less drama then I make it sound, we're a pretty open bunch) I explained to my brother that forcing my dad to look in crystal ball only 20 years down the road and see his own son suffering....his own grandchildren saying goodbye to their dad...it was a slap in the face.

My brother promised to quit...he still hasn't. I was pretty peeved until...I realized....am I any different? If I choose not to make the changes that will undoubtedly save my life...what does that say about me?

I'm 26. I want to have a baby. I want to see my unborn children grow up. I want to survive a midlife crisis. I want to grow old with my husband. I want to live....

I want an adjustible gastric lap band.

Thanks for listening...it's been quite cathartic.

-Melissa

ReneBean · September 16, 2005

Hi, Melissa.

Nowhere else will you find a group who can understand and feel your pain. In some sense - everyone here has "been there & done that" and have come to the realization that we all have two options: Fight or Flight.

Since the only form of flight from Morbid Obesity is an early death - well, that makes the choice pretty easy.

Life is more than just sucking air - and we all want the energy and ability to enjoy it. Life is a banquet - and I am tired of starving.

Welcome.

((HUGS))

Jessiebear · September 16, 2005

Welcome Melissa! You could not have found a better place for support! We're all here for you! Nice to meet you!.....Jess

Marimaru · September 16, 2005

I'm sorry to hear about your dad, but glad that you've taken the opportunity to improve yourself. Maybe when your brother sees you bettering yourself, he'll get on the wagon too?

Welcome!

banded_for_life · September 17, 2005

Welcome Melissa!

Alexandra · September 17, 2005

Welcome Melissa! I'm glad you're here to share your journey with us; many, many people are in the same or similar boat as you and your story will help them too. Please come back and keep posting!

Anwyn · September 17, 2005

Thanks for your story Melissa! I agree that smokers and overeaters are very much alike. I worry about my Mom because she's a longtime smoker. Like you, I'm hoping that my weight loss will inspire her to quit. Good for you for trying to set an example for your brother! It's a great way to honor his memory.