I knew there was a reason for not telling.....!!!

[sanderson 1]

Ok I have to vent here and I know you will understand.

When I had my surgery I only told a few people (Husband, my kids and my 2 sisters). I did not want anyone else to know. Now I find out that one of my sisters has a BIG mouth and told people. Needles to say it is out now and I am getting negative feed back. So far I have heard, "I know someone that had the same surgery and they ended up with a really bad infection and almost died 3 months post op", "Why would you put yourself through that? It won't work!!", and this is the best "I know two people that had it done and they turned GREY." What the heck is that supposed to mean. I am not turning GREY.

How do I now talk to the "sister" that cannot keep a secret??? I am so right now. I didn't want the negative feed back but I am getting it. I need encouragement not criticism!! I guess you really do find out who you can trust and who you can not.

[TSB 1]

I'm sorry for the negative comments you are hearing. I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your sister, but if it were my sister I'd let her know that I was disappointed she did not respect my privacy. I am assuming you told her that you didn't want other people to know?

I am one of those who does not give a rip who knows that I am pursuing Lap Band surgery -- but I am also one of those who values the opinion of only the important people in my life. What a co-worker, acquaintance or distant relative thinks would go in one ear and out the other w/ me.

[tyhelms 0]

I'm sorry for the negative comment, but some people are just jealous, plain out jealous, that's why I didn't tell a lot of people either, because I didn't want to hear the negative comments, keep them to yourself, it's your decision you're happy with it, and that's all that matters, whatever kind of surgery you have there are risk.. ie infections that's what comes alone with some surgeries, and you don't have to have lap band to have an infection... duhhh.. as far as your sister is concerned she probably was just happy for you, I told my sister and I didn't tell her not to tell anyone but she did tell one of her friends.. but it wasn't a biggie..your sister is just excited for you so don't go so hard on her... just let her know from here on out to keep it shut..or else.. LOL... You will do great I'm 2 months post op..

[oregon 0]

I haven't told anyone except my husband, and I've sworn him to secrecy. The reason is, that so many people are uneducated about these surgeries. Many people believe that it's the 'easy way out'. It's nothing of the sort. It's alot of work to stick to a diet and continue to try to improve your life. I concentrate every single day on making good decisions. Having the lap band inside of me makes me be more continuous in my decisions. Before the lap band, I would give up on diets after a month or so. Now, I refuse to have spent all the money and have gone through the pain to give up after a month. Maybe since your sister needs an education about how things work, I would start with educating her about your daily stuggles and how much concentrated effort it takes on your part. Let her know how much you exercise and how you concentrate on choosing good foods (I would tell her everday, until she was sick of hearing my voice, but that's me). Maybe your sister will pass that information on to her gossip chain so that they can be educated. Then, I would educate her on what it means to be a trusted friend. This is a lesson she would benefit from, since she will likely loose alot of friends from this type of betrayal if she were to continue in her present mode. Either way, you have to know that you have made a decision that belongs soley to you, and you didn't make that decision without a lot of soul searching and education about what you were doing, so good for you for being brave enough to go through with what you believed was right. Kudos to you! Don't let anyone tell you what is right or wrong for you. You only get one life, and it belongs entirely to you.

Edited June 22, 2009 by oregon

[Kristine73 1]

A friend of my husbands went in for a simple, everyday abdominal hernia repair. It was a same day surgery. A week later he died. Turns out that the surgeon nicked his bowels and he died of a septic infection. This was about 3 years ago. Moral of the story, anyone who goes in for ANY type of surgery is at risk.

For me, I looked at the health risks of obesity and NOT having the band surgery vs. having the band surgery and the benefits of getting to a healthy weight.

I didn't want many people to know, either. I told two good friends and, of course, hubs knew. They 'story' for the surgery was hiatel hernia repair, which was done at the same time. Well, a friend of ours in her 50's died the same week of my surgery, she had surgery for a triple bypass and didn't make it. So, hubs was proud that at age 35, I had this done. When people asked him what my surgery was for, he told them

I work w/people who are married to people he works with. Well, the real reason of my surgery was soon well known. I've gotten a lot of negative feedback from some of the people I work with. I was very irritated at first. But then I realized, screw them, it's about MY HEALTH! Not what "someone's cousins sisters brothers wife" said about a negative experience that was had.

Good for you for taking your health into your own health

Keep your chin up.

[sweetbean70 2]

Hello! So far, I haven't had any negative comments about my surgery (June 8). I was going to keep it a secret, but decided to be proud about my decision to commit to a healthier me. Unfortunately, there will always be someone w/ a negative viewpoint or some sort of horror story. I have sort of gone down this same path when I decided to have LASIK surgery performed. There hasn't been a single day when I have regretted getting my eyes "fixed" and I pray that I will be as fortunate w/ my band.

[Makulafamy 55]

Ok I have to vent here and I know you will understand.

When I had my surgery I only told a few people (Husband, my kids and my 2 sisters). I did not want anyone else to know. Now I find out that one of my sisters has a BIG mouth and told people. Needles to say it is out now and I am getting negative feed back. So far I have heard, "I know someone that had the same surgery and they ended up with a really bad infection and almost died 3 months post op", "Why would you put yourself through that? It won't work!!", and this is the best "I know two people that had it done and they turned GREY." What the heck is that supposed to mean. I am not turning GREY.

How do I now talk to the "sister" that cannot keep a secret??? I am so :smile2: right now. I didn't want the negative feed back but I am getting it. I need encouragement not criticism!! I guess you really do find out who you can trust and who you can not.

I think this is a great example of why NOT to keep it a secret. I am in the same boat with some of the others about sharing my experience and being an open book. For me, there is no shame in my game and if someone asks how I am losing weight I tell them. It's a chance to educate people and to be an example of how the band can work! There will be people who say crap like "oh no...i know someone who did that and...blah blah"...but bad things can happen with any surgery...not just WLS. In the past 5 months I have only had 1 person say something like that to me....and he didnt know what he was talking about. Now he thinks the band was a great choice for me.

There will also be those people who think you took the easy way out. HA HA I say. And you really cares. Those people obviously dont know me well enough to know this is not easy.

95% of people who diet and lose a great deal of weight will gain it all back plus some within 5 years. I wanted better odds for myself and so did you!

Oh..and the grey thing...I have heard that too, but when people say that I think they are thinking about people who had bypass bc some of them do have the tendancy to get a certain tone to to their skin after a big weight loss (lack of nutrients)....but again...that's not the surgery we chose.

Stay positive. There will always be haters.

[sistasassy 6]

I have never hid the fact that I had surgery or what it was for. I am proud of the decision I made. I am taking charge of my health and not sitting around waiting for someone else to do it for me. Who has the power to make me thinner and healthier? Me and only me.

I hold my head high when asked about my surgery and when I get negative responses (there is always someone with a horror story to tell), I listen and then politely add that there are negative outcomes with any kind of surgery, otherwise, everyone would be doing it. Because of the risks, surgery is reserved for those of us who NEED it.

Also, as your weight falls off, the negative stories will drop into the wind because all they and you will be noticing is the thinner, healthier, and much more active YOU!

The other thing is that there are still those out there that do not understand the difference between the different types of weight loss surgery. They think that the only surgery is the bypass and don't understand the risks are lower with the band. Sometimes they just need that extra education to get the picture.

[dridlen 0]

Hi, I am one that has told a lot of people that I had Lap Band surgery. I am a support group leader for the hospital where i had my surgery so I think that I need to be honest and open with the fact that I had surgery. I want to be a source of information for those who are searching or have questions. With that said however I can fully respect the decision not to disclose the fact that one had surgery. There is a misconception out there that those of us who had weight loss surgery took the easy way out and we didn't have to work for our success. That is totally not true and makes me so mad when I hear that. It is a huge pet peeve of mine and I am out to disprove that misconception. LOL. I am glad this was posted.

Dottie R.

[justmel1957 1]

Bottom line...............when you tell ANYONE there is a BIG possibility of it getting out. It's just fact. Most people can not keep a secret. Plain and simple.

I'm sorry for you, but when you say you only told a "few people" then your odds of it getting out went up dramatically.

But, just take it in stride and prove them all wrong! You can do it! We are all rooting for you!

[Julia_N 2]

I'm pretty open that I'm going to have the surgery. I told my immediate work group because they could be affected by my scheduling. Maybe because I'm older, and if someone sprouts that "it's dangerous -- a friend of a friend died!" I'm not afraid to tell them they're f'ing full of crap.

Success is the best revenge.

:thumbup:

[HolliJ 24]

My office mate was originally going to go to the seminar with me and said she wanted to get the surgery. The day of the seminar, she said she wasn't feeling well and didn't want to go. Plus she said she couldn't afford the portion that insurance wouldn't cover.

Today she's talking about how her daughter-in-law got the gastric bybass and how she almost died. She gained all the weight back. And someone who worked here that got the lapband gained all the weight back and said it was the worst decision she ever made to get it because of all the money she lost, etc etc...

It's like, "Seriously? Why are you saying this shit to me?"

[aubrie 6]

First, I think that when someone betrays a trust, that is painful on so many levels. Not just the betrayal itself, but all the repercussions from it. What your sister did was disrespectful of your privacy, of your positive desire to help yourself, and just plain disrespectful in general. That said, I had a co-worker who barely even knew me announce that I had surgery at a luncheon, without even knowing for sure that I had. She just assumed since I had lost so much weight. I was furious, flabbergasted, stunned and speechless. What kind of person would do such a thing??? But since I HAVE had success, I have now become the poster child for bariatric surgery. There are two who have now had surgery as a result, and two more that are scheduled. So the negative turned into a positive. I've set an example and helped others to make their decision. I guess that makes me feel pretty good.