It's my 41st birthday and I'll cry if I want to...

[StrangeDz 1]

:thumbup: I'm feeling pretty depressed and guilty and discouraged and and and... and I'm tired of feeling this way! I've got my band in april of last year and didnt get my first fill until 6 months later. I've lost 55 pounds since but just cant seem to stay on track these days. Ice cream.. crackers.. mini candy bars at work... sometimes in the afternoon at work, I cant stop thinking about a snack. I obsess over it and end up becoming grouchy because I cant stop thinking about it. I end up feeling deprived and punished because I cant eat what I want... then the guilt that I even feel like that in the first place makes it worse. sigh...

WHATS WRONG WITH ME???

I'm so happy with my success so far, but I feel I cant do it anymore. I was going to the gym 3 times a week, so even when I cheated, I wouldnt gain. Unfortunately I fell and hurt my ankle 4 weeks ago and can only do so much before I'm in too much pain.... so now I only go 1 or 2 times a week. I was working back to my consistency, but then I must of reinjured it because it started swelling up and hurting so I am back to square one. Boo!

Although I know my depression meds contribute to my weight gain and my lust for sweets, it doesnt make me feel any better. Feels like excuses.

Its my 41st bday today and I had wanted to reach my first goal of 200 pounds by today, but am 11 pounds short... and its my fault. I get up every morning and tell myself that today I wont eat anything I am not suppose to and that I will go to the gym and be proud of myself... but that never seams to happen.

You only get what you put into it, and i'm not putting into it what I should. Sigh....

Sorry to be such a whiner, i'm just not in a good frame of mind...

[OnTheWay to Thin 0]

Happy Birthday !!!!

You have done very well with the 50+ lbs of weight loss so we know you can do it! Sounds like the injury really sidelined you and has you very down, you just need to find something else to do while you heal that you can divert yourself with when tempted to cheat on your band. Also one thing I have been doing is I found out all of the semi free foods, i.e. foods with little to no calories, so if I feel the need to just eat, I eat those and satisfy that need... You may also need another fill, how long has it been since you had one? Hang in there. This is not an easy thing and we all have to take it one day at a time.

[StrangeDz 1]

THank you so much...

I had a fill in February and then again in May. It was my 4th fill and I only lost 3 pounds. I'm due for another in July.

See, what bothers me is it isnt the hunger, its the constant thinking about what I can and cant eat... what I should and shouldnt eat... I'm so tired of it. I dont think a fill will change that... I know I can eat far more than I am suppose to in a single sitting. Maybe another fill will help... I dont know.

My friend took me to lunch today for my birthday, and I ate ALL of my enchiladas and 3 sopapillas! This is the most food I have eaten in one sitting in a LONG time. I was so full, I felt a little sick. Now my dad wants to take me to dinner tonight, and I dont even really want to go! I dont want to eat anymore and I dont want to think about eating... if that makes any sense...

Thank you for your support... I really need it today.

[kkarryall 0]

Happy bday!! You have donw great!

But you need a fill. I did not really feel any restriction at all until my 5th fill and once I got my 6th fill...wow!! Finally, it started getting easier for me. Right now, even if I choose to eat bad things--like a candy bar--I can't eat that much. I am at my sweet spot.

Good luck!

[StrangeDz 1]

Thank you so much kkarryall and OnTheWay To Thin! I thought it was just me.

I went to dinner with my dad and ate half my meal and took the rest home for today's lunch. I also stood in front of the mirror last night (naked-euw) for a long time... I just want this fat off me! So I did some mild exercises before bed and went to the gym today for lunch. I feel in better spirits today, however I did indulge in a few of those bite size butterfinger candies this morning. ugh.. but I vowed I wouldnt have any more today and as hard as thats been (my desk is RIGHT in front of the candy dish and they filled it this morning!) I havent had any. I think i'm gonna make it! ha!

Anyway, thanks for your support.

[OnTheWay to Thin 0]

Hey we are in this together! Why dont you ask your coworkers if it would be ok to move the candy dish to a new location, that is really hard to have it right there all the time! I have done that and no one had a problem with moving it.