Bandster Hell AND Surgeon Hell

[Christy712 0]

Got my 2nd fill yesterday. Dr. "raked me over the coals" for 15 min. I had gained 2 pounds. Implied he would take the band out...said I was wasting everyone's time. Be-littled me as much as he could while insinuating I was doing NOTHING towards my weight loss and he didn't know if he would give me my "adjustment" or not as it probably wouldn't do any good. He has never told me the size of my band or how much Fluid he is inserting. I read on this forum somewhere that one of his patients asked and he wouldn't tell them this information so I have never asked. I was banded 3/17/09. I had lost 31 lbs. since one week prior to surgery until yesterday's weigh-in where I had gained 2 of them back. I understand that I can't expect the band to do it for me. But he thinks I should be losing a lot more without the help of the band (no restriction yet). I don't feel any restriction today. This is not what I expected. I expected more support from my surgeon & instead I am getting lectured and frustrated. Starting to wonder why I did this if the band is not supposed to do anything. If I could have lost the weight before with no help, why did I go through surgery?! Could I be eating better and exercising more? Probably. Have I changed a lot of my past 30 year bad habits in the last 3 months? You betcha!!!! And I'm proud of the progress so far. So how do I psych myself up against this nasty surgeon? Help!:wink:

[silvers320 12]

Part of me can understand not sharing with folks their band size and fill amounts -I think there are some folks who rely to much on that one piece of the "program" But making a patient feel poorly about themselves helps no one.

I would contact him and let him know your take on the conversation. Then I would explain to him that even with the 2 lbs gain you are right at the 1.5 to 2 lbs per week expected loss that the makers of the band say to expect - if my math/ your surgery date etc are correct. And ask what is it about his methods that you should be expected to excedd the band makers guidelines.

Between now and your next visit I would log my food and keep a workout log to bring with me. I would not share these items until you have seen his reaction to your next weigh in. If he is more positive - you won't need them, if he is abusive again - say "Let's look at my committment level - with the proof" ( and stick a sock it in). If the appointment goes that way it might be time to start doc shopping.

[Evie71609 0]

If you are not happy with your doctor then find another one who can follow your progress and do your fills- set up an initial consult with the new doc and explain your issues. It is very difficult to get over a doctor treating you that way- and he will gain a very bad reputation if he continues that. Oh and BTW he can't take your band away---- Its YOURS. And you are doing fabulous!!

[Kristine73 1]

I am so sorry you had to go through this! :smile:

If I were you, I'd be on my computer writing a letter of complaint to the ins co, hospital the surgeon is associated with and the surgeons office. I hate doctor w/a "God Complex." :wink:

My doctor's office is very supportive. We had to go to a nutrition class pre-op. It was made clear that after the band was put in, we will have weight roller-coaster. Sometimes the scale will go up. Also, sometimes the scale may NOT move for months, AKA the dreaded plateau. The key is to NOT get down on ourselves. But, rather try and identify any thing we may be doing different. Did we go to a wedding and go through the buffet line twice and have 3 slices of cake? Did we not exercize as usual? Are we NOT eating enough?

We need support in all areas. Is there a 'fill center' in your area? Someplace that takes out-of-town banders? One thimg doctor's seem to forget is that they work for US! Even if you have ins, you pay your premiums and co-pays. So, yes you are still paying for the doctor. Would you take that behavior from anyone else you hired to do a job for you?

Keep your chin up and tell the surgeon where he can put himself and his 'opinion'!

[isaviolinist 11]

I agree with what has been said here. That type of approach to patients is completely unprofessional. Additionally, studies have shown that arrogant physicians are often the same physicians who make errors. There is a difference between refusing to enable someone and verbally abusing them. You want a doctor who is honest and upfront with you, and who will not enable you, but who will also treat you with respect and give you support during a life-changing event.

[wishinghoping 0]

I think you are doing great!

What bothers me is that his statements were just plain stupid. HOW you are losing the weight is very important. If this is your first fill, you almost have to be doing it by doing all the right things. Sure, starving yourself might have taken another 10 or 15 pounds but we've all done that and ultimately it gets you no where but fatter.

I don't think I would bother with the documentation. He wouldn't believe it anyway. But I do think I would be ready with an honest and direct response. Tell him that you, like most of us, have "sprint" dieted our entire lives. Now, with the band, you've committed to a marathon. You won't get there as fast as "stave, starve" but with eating right and taking longer will get you much further. Then I'd look him right in the eye and say "are you able to accept that?" How could he say no?

I don't do well when I am caught off guard but with time to think about it, I'd be ready. He was way off base.

[Iris_L 0]

I would definitely speak with him and remind him how your insurance (or are you self pay...anyway) put more money in his pocket. Review your contract of services and remind him of his committment of surgeon as well... You are doing fine and are well on your way!

[RestlessMonkey 7]

If my surgeon ever spoke to me like yours did to you, he wouldn't be my surgeon. I lost 41 pounds preop and post op then gained back 15 of them before I FINALLY got restriction May 7th! (yes I remember the date...it was a BIGGIE! LOL) He NEVER implied I was failing. NEVER. He worked with me and we'd discuss things to try etc every time. In fact he said he hadn't expected any loss for about 6 months post op because many of his patients don't lose or gain during that period.

He has never ever once made me doubt that, while he is a surgeon and has to generate an income, I am important to him, my success is important to him, and he will do whatever he can to help me achieve that.

Go get another surgeon. Life's too short to dance with ugly men or to tolerate obnoxious imperious doctors.

[pennreporter 12]

I'd find a new doctor. Speaking to him probably isn't going to change anything. If he's a jerk, he's a jerk. There are jsut way too many doctors doing this procedure now and there's even Fill Centers USA that will do fills. You don't need the stress. If it's an insurance thing and he's the only one your insurance company will pay, then I'd have a serious talk with the insurance company about changing doctors. 30 lbs is 30 lbs...and you may have lost inches also instead of lbs. I'm a big believer in having the best possible relationship you can with your doctors, and sometimes you have to shop around until you find the right one. My daughter's surgeon was in Houston, she lives in NYC and pays for her owns fills ($100).

Good luck. And to quote Beyonce, "move it to the left" There's plenty of other doctors out there.

[TopTier 0]

I can't think of a single thing to improve on what everyone else has said.

I'm not banded yet, but my surgeon has made it clear that we are partners in this journey.

He cautioned me not to have inflated expectations and to take it slow.

He wants to prepare me for the fact that before the first fill, it's very possible I may actually gain a pound or two, but not to let that concern me.

He also said that as time goes on, when I come into the office some times I will need an adjustment of the band (and he pointed to his stomach) and sometimes I might need an adjustment of the mind (and he pointed to his head), but he said not to worry about either adjustment, that we are in this together and whichever adjustment I need, he is there to help.

If your surgeon believes otherwise, it might be a good idea to have an "exit interview" with him and let him know why he will no longer be your doctor. . . .

Edited June 17, 2009 by TopTier
typo

[Christy712 0]

I cant' thank everyone enough for your words of encouragement and advice. I'm absolutely sure he treats everyone like this and his "tough love" approach may work with some, but it won't work with me. He's been doing this for years and doesn't lack for patients so he won't miss me at all. And for SURE I won't miss him. I like the idea of an "exit interview" though!!! I have an appt. this am with my pcp and will have him recommend somewhere else that will accept CIGNA. Life is short and I do want to succeed. I will keep in touch and let you all know how it goes. Hugs!

[willowcat 93]

Take your band away?! And how does he propose to do that?! You'd have to go through everything for surgery to remove the band just like you did in order to get the band--not to mention pre-approval from your insurance company (like that would happen just because you gained 2 lbs.)--AND it's YOUR body--he can't make you go through surgery! What a bully (and an A**Hole)! Bad man, very bad man. Christy, I'm glad to hear you're getting another doctor. Give him hell at that "exit interview!"

[emjay 8]

Christy712 - Everyone above has given you good advice on what to do. This approach IMO, with someone with a weight issue, is NOT what you need. Personally, I don't need to feel belittled or like a failure because I gained weight before getting the proper restriction. I would go to another physician because I agree this jackass would not change for you. I think it is also VERY IMPORTANT to, either in person or in writing, explain exactly why you are or considering to go to another physician for your fills and support. Be professional about it, but direct. Sometimes a doc's ego needs to be put in check when they are out of line and many are too afraid to say anything. Don't be.

Support is a key ingredient for success with the lap band and to be honest, the people on this forum provide me with the incentive I need to continue this journey. I'm afraid that if you begin to dread seeing this physician, you will not get the proper follow-up care and start to backslide. You need to have a good relationship with the physician/nurse or whoever is continuing to provide you care for the best chance for success. I wish you well.

[Evie71609 0]

I agree with Emjay- I have been running medical practices for over 15 years and the doctor normally doesn't open the mail. I do- so when I get a letter like that (very few in my career, but doctors are human and do have bad days sometimes) I make sure that I speak to the doctor first to get "his side of the story" and then I speak to the patient. Sometimes patients and doctors don't hit it off and they need to seperate. He will miss you even with a busy practice because patients who are unhappy talk more than patients who are happy. See you go back to your primary care and say that doctor stinks and then he may not recommend others to go there..... it is a vicious circle...

good luck!!

[summertime1199 1]

Time for a new surgeon! One who knows how to treat a patient. "What do they called the student who finished last in medical school? .... DR."