Divorce after the Lap Band

[honey38635 0]

:smile2:I have been banded a year on the 23rd of this month. I have lost a total of 73 lbs. My husband never wanted me to have the lap band, because he stated that he liked the way that I was. Unfortunately, I didn't. I was at 323 at my highest, with high blood pressure at the age of 26. :lol:This was not the life I wanted for me. Lately my husband has been very insecure. I now like to go out with friends, and just enjoy life. I also still wanted to save my marriage. It now seems that my weight loss has caused my husband to be extremely jealous, in which he would just go into rages. Don't get me wrong.....this has been going on for sometime now. I finally got tired and I filed for divorce. I was just wondering if anyone else has experienced the jealousy for a spouse, or significant other, or even family members.:bored:

[Brockbabe82 0]

oh definitely! I have had many family members become jealous because I am succeeding in something. Its sad that they cant support me but I figure along with the weight I will lose the toxic people in my life. I'm sorry that things with your husband have not worked out, perhaps this will be a wakeup call for him. If not you will surely find someone out there who loves, respects, and appreciates all your decisions big and small. Good luck to you!

[honey38635 0]

Thanks for replying. It's good to know that it's not only me. As far as my family go, my sister put her weight on, and mine went off. When I have my happy days with my weight. I can't share it with her, because she don't want to hear about it.

[Brockbabe82 0]

Those are the moments where you can come on here and you have a whole large family that is excited for you!:bored:

[Loving everyday 0]

That is what I am afraid of, mine is so supportive of my surgery on June 29th but I am afraid that once I start losing weight I will lose him as well. Is there away to avoid this?

[pattygreen 5]

Why does it have to lead to divorce? Reassure your partner that you love him and need him and shower on the " you're the only one for me talk". Some people just need a little support, love reassurance, and hugs.

Or, it may be this... My sisterinlaw left my brother after gastric bypass surgery. She weighed 325 for just about the whole 25 years she was married to him. She began to gain alot of confidence in herself as the weight poured off and when she got down to 185, she filed for divorce. Sometimes when women are heavy, they are insecure and may not be happy in their marriage, but stay because they feel they can't get anyone else looking like they do and they settle for someone they don't really love as they should. Funny though how my brother was good enough for her at 325, but not at 185. She just used him so she wouldn't be lonely, and it wasn't until she weighed less that she actually realized it.

So, maybe weight loss generates feelings of self worth that give people the courage to venture out and see if they can get someone better.

I personally don't condone divorce. I believe that it should never be an option except for marital unfaithfulness or a separation if there is abuse. So, if the marriage can be saved with a little love and reassurance, you should try to.

[DivaStyleCoach 89]

That is what I am afraid of, mine is so supportive of my surgery on June 29th but I am afraid that once I start losing weight I will lose him as well. Is there away to avoid this?

I would encourage him to talk about how he's feeling...some men are notoriously silent about their feelings, and when they begin to feel insecure, they withdraw even further.

I encourage you to check out a book called "The Five Love Languages". Google it, or check Amazon.com. Once you read the book and figure out what YOUR love language is, tell your husband about it and ask HIM to read the book as well. When you've figured out your love languages, start "speaking" them...

If he's not ready to start, start WITHOUT him! When he sees that you are working to make your relationship better, all the while you are getting healthier and more gorgeous, then perhaps he'll feel better and be more hopeful.

If that doesn't work, then by all means try counseling - but if you have had a good marriage up until now (and you are the sole judge of good) then FIGHT to keep it. And TELL him you are going to fight to keep your marriage.

Tell him that you have heard that others have to divorce after one spouse or another loses weight and you DON'T want that to be you two...he may be feeling the same way, but by you raising the subject first, he may feel more open to talking about it.

I wish you all the best...I know it can be scary to see your dependable, 'think-you-know-her' spouse change right in front of your eyes, but by starting to reassure him and talk to him now, maybe you can head off any challenges before they occur...:wink:

[BethFromVA 5]

Honey, there's a thread that I've posted on that is all about this. You may find some similarities or solace in some of the posts:

http://www.lapbandtalk.com/f7/true-divorce-after-wls-within-3-years-why-73277/