female only Does DH's opinion matter?

[Vanity 0]

Hi ladies!!

I have 9 days till my surgery!!

My DH doesn't approve/hates the idea/refuses to even drive me

I'm doing it anyway of course, BUT should I care about his opinion?

I mean yes, a marriage is a partnership but doesn't that mean wanting the best for each other?

I am feeling guilty for going against his wishes (not guilty enough to not go through with it tho!)

Anybody else go through this, or have any insight?

[Brockbabe82 0]

I think it is very important that you have support during this time. It is unfortunate that your husband is not doing that. Here is what I think though, making the decision to have the lapband is one of the best decisions you will ever make. You are being an advocate for your own health, something that no one else can do for you. With that said you need to do this and not worry on what your husband or anyone else thinks. Does you husband realize the risks for staying overweight are far greater then the risks for getting banded? You should have him check out this site, and talk to a couple of us. Although is sad that he cannot support you remember there are so many of us struggling witht the same things, and we are all here to support each other. Good luck to you and remember this is your decision! Keep me posted.

[justmel1957 1]

Of course his opinion matters, but its ultimately your decision.

Just make sure you are prepared just in case he never lightens up about it and makes life miserable.

I'm sure his insecurities are a lot of the problem, and perhaps that will lessen in time.

Good luck to you............sounds like you will need to rely on others for emotional support for a while.

Keep us posted.

[aubrie 6]

Sounds like he might be scared. Fear of the unknown is a powerful thing. He's unsure of what it is exactly that you're doing. Provide him with all the pamphlets and information you can. He's afraid you'll change. You will, but for the better!! You'll still be the same on the inside, you'll just have a new and improved wrapper! LOL I guess some of us do change on the inside a bit. We have more self confidence, better self esteem and a brighter outlook on life. We can do more and enjoy more, so that makes us happier people. Is that such a bad thing? My husband was DELIGHTED to have his wife back. Our marriage is stronger and better than ever. My attitude improved, so things at home just went smoother. Let him know that these are possibilities. Maybe he's just focusing on the negative.

[tapshoes 2]

To answer the question: It only matters if he makes your life rough. It would certainly be preferable if he supported you - from taking you to the clinic, to helping you immediately post op to supporting your efforts when the times are tough (and there will be times). However, if he cannot do this, and can't or won't explain why, then he should keep his insecurities/fear/whatever to himself.

You will change - and how he reacts to you may also change. Keep the focus on YOU - you are doing this for YOU, your health, your self-confidence, yourself.

Be strong.

[Kristine73 1]

My DH wasn't all that happy about the surgery, didn't want to talk about it. I'm only 35, but weight has been a life long battle for me. He wasn't thrilled the day of the surgery, 6/08. But, he was there and took 3 days off of work to be with me. Turns out that while I was having surgery, a co-workers 55 year-old sister was having a triple by-pass. She didn't make it. That shook him up alot. He came home, gave me a hug and just said, "I finally understand why you chose this."

You need to do what is best for you. It would be better if he was with you, both for support and stress relief. Hopefully he'll come around!

Sending positive thoughts and hugs :wink:

[Brockbabe82 0]

Kristine,

Glad to hear your husband came around. I hope he continues to stay supportive and you continue to do well on your journey!

[Vanity 0]

Thanks Ladies

If he would discuss it I'm sure I could make some ground, but he shuts down what the topic comes up.

He is a big man and he knows what it is to be obese, I'm tryin my darndest to make sure we stay strong as ever, but its hard trying to talk to a rock!

[Kayc7227 0]

Maybe he is just worried about how the whole thing will affect your relationship and how you two relate to each other. I know its not exactly the same situation, but when I was considering getting the lap band my sister, who is also overweight, was really against it and didn't want me to do it. We're really close, so I know that part of it was worry that something could go wrong period, but I know that she was also worried about how it would change things with us. Like would we still be close? How would we really relate now that we aren't really going to share the same problems? I knew that because I felt the same way. So maybe it's that he is worried about where he will stand once you're done going through this major life transformation. Hope things work out for you :biggrin:

[Carriedaway78 0]

Hi ladies!!

I have 9 days till my surgery!!

My DH doesn't approve/hates the idea/refuses to even drive me

I'm doing it anyway of course, BUT should I care about his opinion?

I mean yes, a marriage is a partnership but doesn't that mean wanting the best for each other?

I am feeling guilty for going against his wishes (not guilty enough to not go through with it tho!)

Anybody else go through this, or have any insight?

I think it stinks that your DH doesn't support your decision to get healthy. What could anyone possibly have against someone trying to lose weight and get healthy? I have seen women say that their husbands/boyfriends are afraid that they will become more attractive to other men when they lose weight. I understand that, but still, they should want what is best for their partner. My boyfriend is so extremely supportive and I'm really thankful for that.

Don't feel guilty. You are trying to better yourself. Hopefully he will come around.

[june09bandit 0]

You said he is big as well - I bet he is afraid that you won't partake in food fests anymore (which you probably won't), so his own food celebrations won't be as enjoyable. It will make him self-conscious of pig-outs. Just my opinion of course.

Hopefully once you start to lose and he sees how much better you feel, he will come around.

[Vanity 0]

well im banded now so theres no going back :thumbdown:

he hasn't gotten better, so we'll see how it goes...

[jujuvee 0]

I agree that he thinks he is losing his eating partner and you getting thin and not finding him attractive anymore. My husband is obese and even though he was supportive 90% of the time the other 10% he was hoping I would change my mind. But since being banded he has been on board 100%. He tells me all the time "thank you for saving us"

so don't give up I think he's just scared of change. Do take the time to reassure him that you are doing this for the both of you!!! Good luck.

[june09bandit 0]

Congratulations on getting your band and wishing you an easy and speedy recovery!

[terelbel 0]

Please take this time in life to do you! Good health is every thing. He has his reasons and it will surely come out in the wash. I do think he is scared, but now is your time. LIVE! Congratulations