How to deal with unsupportive friends/family

[Catherine55 43]

Deekel -- I agree with the advice on the site. I have been lucky in that everyone I've told has been supportive -- but, I've been very selective in who I told about my surgery.

Also, I did my surgery in Mexico (Dr. Rumbaut -- great doctor!), and I definitely left out that information until after the fact. Going to MX for this sounded insane to me before I researched my doctor and the hospital, and I knew that my dad and a few friends would have freaked out (and freaked me out as well) if they knew that ahead of time!

Catherine

[HanahLee82 0]

I am in a situation VERY similar to you. My husband is sort of supportive. He knows I want to lose the weight and this is a good choice for me. I have had no support from family or friends either. My best friend (who is probably twice my size) doesnt think I should go through with it either. But I have come to the point that I have tried many diets and need a tool that is going to help me. I am doing this for my health and for my two small children. I have just diminished the conversations about the band with everyone other than my husband. Their opinions have taken a backseat to my health.

[rawelch 0]

At this point, I regret telling half of the people that I did, and I only told 12. I ended up asking my nephew to drop me off at the hospital on his way to work. I had some complications with the banding so the doctor decided to keep me overnight. My sister-in-law had a fit because she came by the hospital in the afternoon "when she didn't have to". I went to my brother's place (same sister-in-law) when I was discharged the following day. She was roasting a chicken. Then she proceeded to eat chicken and potato salad in the family room where I was. No help. I ended up driving myself back home the next day. I went to a football game a couple of weeks later only to have her announce it to all of the people around us. Talk about embarrassing. I've only been banded for a month and people keep asking me why I'm not losing weight faster.

My biggest champion has been my older brother who does international business development. We talked before the surgery and health concerns. It was several conversations the good and the bad. At the end, he told me that he would be supportive and how could he do that best. he has been my rock and he rocks as far as supporting me. He has been calling me at least every other day to check on me. If for some reason he misses a day because of flights he makes sure that one of his kids calls.

I will admit that it put a smile on my face when he called me from Russia and a couple of his business associates were in the background. He had scheduled a business appointment on his calendar to call me!

At this point it is definately the quality of the support and not the quantity. Do it for you and your goals.

[Iris_L 0]

Thank you this info is so helpful because I have limited support but I have prayed and I believe it is time to do me...and continue being the very best that I can!

[Deekel 0]

Update: I'm going to do it!!

I had my first consult last Tuesday with Dr. Arif Ahmad in Port Jefferson. I felt so comfortable with him and his wife who works there as well! I have all of my pre surgical tests set up and I've already been pre-approved by my insurance with no problems!! I just have to lose 20 lbs and hopefully I will be banded late Oct/early November. I'm so excited to start this new chapter in my life! Thank you so much again for your input and honesty. And you know what? I told my parents and they both pleasantly surprised me with their support! In fact- my Dad says I've inspired HIM to look into it now! I'd say wish me luck- but I realize it's just hard work on my part, not luck that will get those 20 lbs off...I'll do it because I'm worth it. (Just remind me of that when I complain I can't do it) :wink2:

[ohfudgebunny 0]

Before surgery, I took the approach of only telling my immediate family and the people I go to lunch with all the time. I figured they were surely going to notice the change in intake choices, even as I started the pre op diet. I didn't want anyone to talk me out of the decision I had made for me!

Afterwards, I realized I had told the people that mattered in my daily life.

None of the people I told had ever commented that I ate too much, and they don't comment now that I eat too little, they are the ones that are just glad that I'm there to share the meal with them.

I was so worried about how eating = social event was going to impact me. Guess what? I found its even more social if I'm not stuffing the pie hole!!

I don't care who knows now. If their opinion of me changes because of the surgery, they aren't the type of person I value.

[SunnyRachel 7]

Congratulations, Deekel!!!! I wish you all the best!!

[Deekel 0]

Thank you so much! And I love your idea SunnyRachel about 10 lb goals. It doesn't seem so daunting then.

[coloradobanding 5]

CONGRATULATIONS DEEK!!!

I can tell in your posts that you are confident and excited on your decision, and I'm so happy for you!!!

Please let us know how you're doing or if you have any questions.

I would also suggest not telling anyone who doesn't absolutely need to know. It is SOOOO much easier dealing with your lifestyle change without the rest of the world watching. Best of luck, and again, congratulations!