Recently Divorced?

[pronetus 0]

Ok Not sure if this is the right place. I found out in April that my wife of 15 years hasn't been in love with me for the past 5 years. I was deployed to Pakistan at the time. I am returning to the US (N. VA) to take custody of my 2 wonderful boys. I was banded in Aug 07 but have only lost 40lbs. My fault I accept it. I am back on the wagon and trying to start a new me by getting to my goal weight by next Feb.

Any of you all have any experience with becoming social again after long relationships? Self esteem is in the toilet, I was a supportive and faithful husband and got blindsided. I admit I had my faults like any man, but never saw this coming. Got all the bad stuff out of my system and am interested in meeting new people and hearing experiences of those who have been banded and got back into the single seen. What is the Water like in that end of the pool?

[poodles.me 0]

I'm right there with you. I am in the midst of a divorce myself. I have no idea what life will be like after being married for 12 years and together 18. Plus newly banded!

Banded on Dec. 30th, I've lost 54lbs with 50 more to go.

Email me privately if you'd like to chat. I completely understand.

poodles.me@gmail.com

[noosagirl 0]

Cooking classes you would meet some people.

What are your hobbies?

And remember to be confident, kind and nonjudgemental and be yourself.

[pronetus 0]

Thanks for the words. I have been looking into some single parents activity groups and think I'll give that a try to be social. I have never really had a problem with confidence, I am pretty secure in who I am. I am a very open and supportive person and get along with everyone.

The really tough thing about getting back into the dating scene after so many years is that for the past 15 years I have lived for my wife and family. It's hard to say what I like to do as a single guy because my job is so demanding and I travel overseas a lot when I was with the family I just dedicated to them.

I guess before I got married, I used to love to play golf, go skiing, shooting, movies, and I am getting into digital photagraphy. Restaurants of course. and I love travelling.

I'll keep you all posted. If anyone is near the Northern Virginia area let me know if there are any fun events that you will be attending.

Take care

[DETERMINED 0]

HI, DETERMINED HERE.....

HOW ARE YOU? i DONT LIVE WHRE YOU DO BUT WOULD LOVE TO CHAT...

MY EMAIL IS PJHKE366@ROCKETMAIL.COM ALL LOWERCASE..

I HOPE THIS REPLY FINDS YOU IN GOOD SPIRITS.. HANG IN THERE..!!!!:frown:

[Suz1 0]

Hey I have been single since 2-2008. I was with my husband for 13 years and I can relate to what you are going through. It sucks. However getting back into the dating scene can be hard. I have not jumped back in but hope to soon. Email me if you would like maybe we can be a support to each other. vaughnsmntm@aol.com:sad:

[ParrotheadCathy 0]

Pronetus, this will sound like it's sort of out of left field. I am a parrot head, a Jimmy Buffett fan. Hence, my screen name. Parrot Heads are a very social bunch of people, but we do a LOT of community service as well. We call it "partying with a purpose".

Go to www.phip.com and in the left upper corner, there is a pull down menu. Select Chapters to find a club close to you and contact information, and a link to the club's website. The other jumps will take you to information about clubs and activities. I've always said that the parrot head lifestyle will take up as much time as you give it. There are people from their 20s to their 70s, married, single, with or without children (we call our kids "parakeets" and an event that is suitable for kids is often called "keet friendly").

I'm in Atlanta. One of my club's charitable events is Parrot Head Cruise (www.parrotheadcruise.com) every year. about 500 parrot heads go on a cruise together and we raise money for breast cancer charities ($58,000 this year). Other clubs have golf tournaments, and such. We volunteer our time at everything from Habitat For Humanity to local shelters. And we have a blast doing it.

It's just a suggestion...check us out!

[tryingtogodown 0]

Well, it looks like you posted this a ways back, but I figured I'd post and see how things are for you now that its this many months later???

I divorced 4 years ago (separated 5 years ago) from an Army Vet. One thing I can say for sure is that there's definitely light at the end of the tunnel! It's a hard thing to go through for anyone, especially when there are kids involved, but life for me at this point is really great. We were also married for 15 years. It's a long time, but once things calm down I think many would agree that as time passes, you do start a new life. How are things going for you now that you are back with your children? And how about since you've been back on track with your band? Did you meet your goal? I've dated, but find that it is definitely a different experience with kids and all these years later! How about for you?

:eek:

[childgod752 0]

I too am recently divorced 6 mths, seperated 2yrs . For the last fifteen years I've been with one woman, so I'm ready to get out an see what life bring's. No need of sitting home when there's so much out there. I get banded on May 27th, I'm looking forward to it. I want to go out, spend time with someone, have fun walking and talking, go bike riding and go running. The dating rule have changed so I talk with a couple of female co-workers about it. All of my male friends are married so that causes a delimma for hanging out.:smile:

[tryingtogodown 0]

Yep. Been there done that! And your absolutely right! No need to sit home, life goes on and there is light at the end of the tunnel. Congrats on your upcoming surgery. I'm having mine on the 17th. I'm excited to start my new and improved life! Good luck with with everything and keep in touch on how it all goes for you! Do you have to do a pre op diet? I don't. A lot of people on here have to do it like a liquid diet and I'm so happy I don't have to. Have you been dating at all since your "newly" single?

[childgod752 0]

tryingtogodown,

No I havent been dating at all. I could have gone out with an old friend I know, but I didnt want to lead her on, because she was interested in me b4 I got married, it never became anything because I wasnt feeling her that way. I will know on the May 10th if I have to do a pre-op diet per my doctors request.. but I'm starting my own pre-op diet anyway. I want to give myself the best chance at being healthy again. I hope your doing well also after your encounter!:thumbup: It gets better, believe me.

[tryingtogodown 0]

tryingtogodown,

No I havent been dating at all. I could have gone out with an old friend I know, but I didnt want to lead her on, because she was interested in me b4 I got married, it never became anything because I wasnt feeling her that way. I will know on the May 10th if I have to do a pre-op diet per my doctors request.. but I'm starting my own pre-op diet anyway. I want to give myself the best chance at being healthy again. I hope your doing well also after your encounter!:thumbdown: It gets better, believe me.

I'm doing great actually! not quite sure what you mean by "my encounter"? I've been divorced for over 4 years now and I'm loving it!

[okapigirl 0]

Hi there everyone,

I am in a somewhat similar situation. Going through a divorce that was mostly my decision. This is definitely for the best, but I'll be damned if it isn't lonely living by yourself after several years of having someone here each day. I'm trying not to turn to food as a help-mate in this transition.

I'm also trying to figure out "how" to date again. What to do, what not to do. Whether I should start dating now (about 70% to goal) or wait until I get closer. But I don't want to date someone who only wants the thinner me, I want someone who cares in general.... knowing of course that physical attraction is important on both sides. Then on the other hand, maybe I just want to make a lot of friends in the area to spend time with and forego all dating. My marriage has been emotionally over for quite some time and I feel the need to get out and have some fun.

Anyone else in the situation or have some advice?

[purple3797 5]

Hi everyone! I am still married but at a stage where I do not think it is going to work. We have two kids and it is so hard to imagine my life different and witho0ut all of the drama my husband causes. I feel that my relationship has the makings of an abusive one and I fear also as my weight goes down his controlling and jealousy will go up. I love my kids so much and I do not want them to hurt,,they are 3 and 6 .....but I feel that one of the reasons I continue to be so overweight is the stress of this marriage......I feel so lost most of the time....:drool: