Losing weight and my partner..... :(

[Bigjedda 0]

Hello all

I have been banded for a year and have lost 77pounds so far..

My partner of three years told me over the weekend that he wanted to part ways as he liked me better before the operation..

He thinks i have "changed"..

I havent.. I have checked with family and friends.....

They say i have a higher self confidence... but nothing else has changed... I dont talk about my band unless somene ask's me. I dont brag about weight loss or anything.....

What to do??

Im so sad....

[Brockbabe82 0]

Congrats on the awesome weight loss. As far as your partner leaving you, I am sorry. Sometimes people cant handle change and instead of dealing they run from it. I dont mean you are changing, but maybe the change in your lifestyle. Use your sadness and anger and focus it on working out or meeting new people. Stay busy, and focused, whats meant to be will find its way. Keep your head up.

[Bigjedda 0]

Thanks for the reply...

Im just so upset.. I was waiting for the ring.. not the breakup!!!!

[Brockbabe82 0]

I'm sorry, not a nice feeling I know. Sending you positive vibes.

[Kara 0]

Obviously he had some investment in your being fat. Now that your size is changing and you have more self esteem, he cannot handle it. For whatever reason this is so, it is not healthy. You are well rid of someone like this in your life. Time heals all wounds,

[sarae 0]

My boyfriend didn't want me to have the surgery and he constantly told me that I was going to look bad and that I should just stay the way I am... and that if I did it our relationship wouldn't work because I'd be "changing".. soo you know what I said... GOODBYE. It was extremely hard ending my relationship of 3 years with my first love but.. remember that you are doing something to better yourself and if someone in your life can't handle you becoming a healthier person and making life better for yourself then they don't deserve your time. It took me a few months to get over it.. but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. Time truly does heal all wounds.

And keep up the GREAT work!! You shouldn't be sad.. you should be super excited that you're doing so good for yourself. :grouphug: Also, can I mention that breaking up with him was one of the best things I did.. I lost 30lbs without even trying.. and that was without a band. I know right now you're sad and you probably feel kind of lost and wishing things could be different but just give it time and you'll see that things are never as bad as they seem to be.

[keithf 2]

I agree... as WLS surgery patients, the last thing any of us needs is a chaser or, worse, a feeder. If he's either, I'd consider this a change for the better, even if it doesn't feel it at the moment.

If he simply discovered he couldn't cope with the adjustments he has to make in continuing his life with you, he should talk to a therapist about how he views his role in a long-term relationship. But whatever personality changes you may undergo through all this, your health is the most important factor -- not his comfort.

[moonbeam 1]

HUGS. That really sucks. The people who love us, whom we love should be supporting out decision to become healthier people. Sounds like he wanted to keep you down for some reason and is threatened by your success. Others have said it, and I agree, TIME will help with this, and with time will come perspective and understanding. Hang in there, and congrats on the terrific weight loss!

[Libbyjane1976 1]

Sorry about your relationship coming to an end. If he can't deal with you getting yourself healthy and can't support that then good riddance. You will find the person you are meant to be with.

[edazul 0]

Bigjedda,

I'm sorry to hear about what you are going through, but like everybody else said on here.. if can't support you trying to be healthy then you do not need him. I experienced a similar reaction from my husband. Even though I did not feel that I had changed..when I sat back and thought it thru, I realized that I did. My self esteem sky rocketed and I started shopping and trying to look better and better. I guess you can say I went overboard with myself.. wish is not bad, after loosing 100 lbs I felt I deserved it.. but I kind of steered all my attention away from him, without realizing it. Could this be what is happening?? Good luck to you, and I believe what is meant to be is meant to be.. if you really love him, give him some time and he'll come around and if he doesnt.. then he is not worth it! (((hugs :thumbup: ))))

[ParrotheadCathy 0]

BigJedda, I'm so sorry he's feeling threatened by your changes. If you love him enought to work on it, couples counseling (even just one or two sessions) could help him to communicate what is really threatening him. Yeah, you've certainly changed physically, but you're also happier and a little less emotionally needy and maybe subconsciously he sees that as a sign that you need him less and it scares him. Sit him down and talk to him GENTLY and see if he'd consider a session or two. Love is damnably hard to find in these times. So don't say goodbye unless you have no choice.

Good luck!