female only Should I be suspicious?

[savannahsmommie 0]

Ok, I posted this in the Men's Room asking their advice, but I think I need the ladies too.

My husband cheated on me the first couple of weeks we were dating, years ago. He came clean when we started getting serious and has not done it again, that I can tell. I had my suspicion about him back when we were first dating and they were confirmed when he admitted it. We've now been married nearly 4 years, and have two beautiful children.

Yesterday, I went to pick up my kids from daycare and their provider and I always chit chat. She made a joke about how my husband was text messaging her daughter (who also works at the daycare) the other night and asking how she liked living on her own now (she recently got her own place) and how she was doing? She said it as if I knew, and I played along. I went home and asked my husband and he really didn't have a good answer for me. Just that he was being nice because she takes care of our kids. HELLO! She's a twenty one year old, college student, that is skinny and blond and perfect!

I got banded two weeks ago and he has been acting strange ever since.

Do you think I should be suspicious?

Edited June 5, 2009 by savannahsmommie

[soocalchic 1,087]

look up his phone record and pull up a credit history maybe that apartment is leased out to him..

[Brockbabe82 0]

I'm sorry this is happening to you. I would definitely be cautious. It sounds sneaky so I would definitely keep my eyes very open.

[savannahsmommie 0]

Thanks girls. Fortunately, I know he isn't leasing the place she is living in. She knows the people that own the house behind the house we own, and she moved in with them. It is a young guy and his girlfriend, who are friends of hers. Which just makes me more suspicious because now she's litteraly a fence away from us. Their backyard faces ours.

The girl is a total sweet heart and has a boyfriend who is a complete jerk. My husband is twenty seven and a really good lucking guy, so I'm afraid that she's taken an interest in him. I always joked about it with him before and called her his girlfriend and now this came up. I'm really nervous about it.

[maryrose 2]

I think the girl's Mom was sending you a signal in mentioning the text messages.

If my daughter was getting text messages from a nice looking married man, I would question it.

Sorry, I wish I could give you better news than that, but being a Mom I could see myself doing that just to nip it in the bud before it gets out of hand.

Also, if you are suspicious enough to post this question, then maybe you have something to worry about.

I would just keep a low profile for now and keep my eyes and ears open until you can check out the cell phone bill.

[ksill18 0]

The important thing is....could you get me this blonde's phone number....HAHAHA kidding. But yea i feel bad for you. But just work though it and you will be fine. Communication is key between you two

[Headhunter 6]

Right or wrong, guys like to flirt a little bit.

I'm not sure you should hold the first "cheating" incident against him, because as you put it, you had just started dating, and probably were not "exclusive" yet.

Some may disagree, but "cheating" within the first couple of weeks of a non-committed relationship, I think, carries a little different weight than cheating from within the bonds of marriage.

He's married now, has a beautiful wife (you are, you know!), beautiful kids, and he is probably just doing a little harmless flirting. LOTS of guys do that, and it is almost always harmless.

BUT.....it IS bothering you, so you really need to talk to him about it. TELL him it bothers you, and ask him to stop it. If he's a decent man, then he will. If he doesn't, then you need to go a step further. Counseling, perhaps, but you need to take it one step at a time....give him the opportunity to correct the behavior that is troubling to you.

I know that you probably feel very vulnerable at the moment; you have some weight to lose, you have 2 kids (which means a lot of work for you), and of COURSE some college hotty is gonna make you a little nervous. But, I sense that you really don't have anything to worry about. Your picture as posted here tells me that YOU'RE hot too, and after you get the weight off, you'll probably have College guys texting YOU!

what was your number, by the way? :thumbup:

HH

[sassysara 0]

Without proof it's hard, but I DEFINITELY think you need to bring to your husband's attention his BOUNDARIES. Apparently he needs a recap of what is acceptable when you are a married man. You don't text message single women, young or old, when you are married. And let him know that this action is making you uncomfortable and possibly the girl's mother too... (she is bringing it up for some reason)

I've come from a marriage of cheating, and I'm sorry to say, once a cheater........ even if they take time off... But until there is definite proof, at least let him know how you feel and put the shoe on the other foot. There are boundaries/rules that should be understood when you're married.

Hope all turns out ok.

[BethFromVA 5]

My husband is twenty seven and a really good lucking guy, so I'm afraid that she's taken an interest in him.

It's not her interest in him that you have to worry about but his potential interest in her.

It sounds a bit shady. How would he like it if you were secretly texting some 20-something Adonis??

[BethFromVA 5]

Right or wrong, guys like to flirt a little bit.

I'm not sure you should hold the first "cheating" incident against him, because as you put it, you had just started dating, and probably were not "exclusive" yet.

Some may disagree, but "cheating" within the first couple of weeks of a non-committed relationship, I think, carries a little different weight than cheating from within the bonds of marriage.

He's married now, has a beautiful wife (you are, you know!), beautiful kids, and he is probably just doing a little harmless flirting. LOTS of guys do that, and it is almost always harmless.

BUT.....it IS bothering you, so you really need to talk to him about it. TELL him it bothers you, and ask him to stop it. If he's a decent man, then he will. If he doesn't, then you need to go a step further. Counseling, perhaps, but you need to take it one step at a time....give him the opportunity to correct the behavior that is troubling to you.

I know that you probably feel very vulnerable at the moment; you have some weight to lose, you have 2 kids (which means a lot of work for you), and of COURSE some college hotty is gonna make you a little nervous. But, I sense that you really don't have anything to worry about. Your picture as posted here tells me that YOU'RE hot too, and after you get the weight off, you'll probably have College guys texting YOU!

what was your number, by the way? :thumbup:

HH

I'm guessing you're a guy, so I have a question. You say "guys flirt," as if it's understandable what he's doing. If she was your wife and some good-looking, buff guy was texting her in secret, how would you feel about it? Just curious.

[Headhunter 6]

I'm guessing you're a guy, so I have a question. You say "guys flirt," as if it's understandable what he's doing. If she was your wife and some good-looking, buff guy was texting her in secret, how would you feel about it? Just curious.

You'd be guessing correctly. :cursing:

"You say "guys flirt," as if it's understandable what he's doing"

It's understandable to guys. And it should be to women as well. They (married or otherwise) flirt in very overt (and not so overt) ways.

As far as someone texting my wife as you describe it (implying that he was hitting on her), of course I wouldn't like it. However, there are just as many circumstances in which it wouldn't bother me at all. It has to do with the maturity of both of the people involved in the relationship, and the maturity of the relationship itself.

And no, I am NOT justifying the husband's actions in this case, because none of us are really quite sure what those actions are. WHATEVER the actions/intents of the Husband are, if they make the wife upset or nervous, well, he needs to stop.

If he is hitting on her, then he's wrong....VERY wrong. If he's being friendly and helpful, That's ok UNLESS it makes the wife uncomfortable, and then it's wrong.

HH

[BethFromVA 5]

You'd be guessing correctly. :cursing:

"You say "guys flirt," as if it's understandable what he's doing"

It's understandable to guys. And it should be to women as well. They (married or otherwise) flirt in very overt (and not so overt) ways.

As far as someone texting my wife as you describe it (implying that he was hitting on her), of course I wouldn't like it. However, there are just as many circumstances in which it wouldn't bother me at all. It has to do with the maturity of both of the people involved in the relationship, and the maturity of the relationship itself.

And no, I am NOT justifying the husband's actions in this case, because none of us are really quite sure what those actions are. WHATEVER the actions/intents of the Husband are, if they make the wife upset or nervous, well, he needs to stop.

If he is hitting on her, then he's wrong....VERY wrong. If he's being friendly and helpful, That's ok UNLESS it makes the wife uncomfortable, and then it's wrong.

HH

Hehehe, fair 'nuff. :sad:

[Headhunter 6]

Oh, and by the way, Beth, you're looking particularly lovely today..... wink wink.....:cursing:

HH

[savannahsmommie 0]

Thanks guy! You have all been very helpful. I have spoken to my husband about it again and hopefully things will improve. And thanks for the compliments about me being beautiful. I def need some work, but I once was. :cursing:

[BethFromVA 5]

Oh, and by the way, Beth, you're looking particularly lovely today..... wink wink.....:sad:

HH

Insert some heavy breathing and you got a deal! :cursing: