male only man problems

[charlimc 0]

Ok guys sorry to make me way into the MAN area but im guna take my chances to get some advice for u fellas about my little relationship issues that i have at the moment.

My partner have been together for a while now this is accually the 3rd time round we have been together we were seperated for 6 months, when he came back into my life things were absoluteley wonderful, he was a veryu humble positive person to be around, he was very open about his feelings towards me and very affectionate. I felt like he was very proud to be with me and i was for the 1st time really with him feeling very secure in our relationship. At the moment we seem to be arguing alot, hes not affectionate at all really and we only have sex if i iniciate it if ofcourse he dosnt reject the idea. Its making me feel like he is bored of me, dosnt find me attractive ... i dont know.. we have just appied for a loan for a house, he says he wants to get married and have more kids.. but his actions dnt match.... help? what can i do? help me understand please?

[plain 12]

Maybe he's depressed? Stressed? Is it possible that it's not really about you at all?

[charlimc 0]

I guess anything is possible, im stuck i dont know, ive tried approaching the problem about telling him how i feel but it just ends in a argument, we arnt even talking right now.

[marko 0]

This isn't what you want to hear, but: the first thing you MUST MUST MUST do, tomorrow morning, is to stop the loan process on the house. DO NOT enter into such an involved financial transaction with someone that you are not on 100% perfect terms with, and are not absolutely sure that you will have a future with. Trust me on this and thank me later.

THEN, ask yourself, why do we keep breaking up and getting back together? Sounds to me like something is fundamentally wrong with your relationship. Do you date others while you are apart? Do you keep coming back together because you can't find (or don't make the effort to find) anyone else? You have broken up three times. Are you SURE that this guy is Mister Right? And if you are not sure, why in God's name are you buying a house with him?

You are not unattractive. My advice: stop the house, take a break from him until you have the surgery and drop the weight. After your self confidence returns and other guys start looking, you may not be so interested in making it work with this one after all.

Edited June 3, 2009 by marko

[Wisk 0]

From the sounds of what you've said you already know what to do - you're just scared of doing it.

Try this - flip a coin, heads you go, tails you stay. I bet you if it lands on the one you dont one you will try best 2 out of 3.

You already started focusing on yourself by getting the band and sounds like up until now has been the way to go for you.

Dont give that up for some bloke you keep breaking up with - give him the flick I say!

[Willowglen 5]

Sounds to me like the two of you need some serious discussion and communication:cool:

[charlimc 0]

Yep your right its not what i want to hear, but yes it runs through my mind. I love this man to death, i had a conversation with him on the phone last night and i said that i feel like you have done a complete turn around and just acted like this man to get me back and i feel tricked and played a fool, he turned around and said hes been played a fool by forking out the money for the deposit and then hung up on me.

I sent him a email last night stating my feelings about it again and the fact that i dont want to feel like a problem in his life.

Im so upset, i dnt know what to do, we have holidays booked, and the house thing... i love him, i just want to feel it back. Ive had this conversation wth my mum and she seems to think that im over reacting, that i shouldnt expect it to be la de da all the time.

Im so sorry that i have vented out on here i feel quite ashamed posting and showing all my problems to the world

[charlimc 0]

oh and he is the one who has always asked for me back, during the last time we were apart for 6 months he was seeing some other girl and i was dating the field, he broke up with this girl to ask for me back, i gave him a chance and started going on dates with him took me a while to say that i wanted to be with him but he proved hhim self to me.

[Willowglen 5]

It may be time for you to date and see how other men will treat you, it sounds like this guy doesnt want a full time lady:cool:

[charlimc 0]

hrd drnt mr a msg while i was at work tonight saying that who would like to get together this weekend and talk about our problems and how we can be happy together, that he loves me and that will never change....

so will c what that means i guess

[luluc 6]

i always found that the "ex" was really only good for sex.

the flaky'ness alone would make me run from all financial obligations/ties to him.

while i read you love him - that's not all it takes to make a relationship work & run smoothly. if my husband took off and ran at the slightest hiccup - his bags would be forwarded & locks changed. you don't get to stay just in good times, thankfully he's a keeper.

good luck to you - and your new band.

[remingtonsteel*md 0]

I must agree with the advice from one of the previous responders... You should neither commit your financial resources to this relationship nor should you be thinking about bringing any children into this relationship unless you are 100% sure this relationship is on Solid Ground from the Start... I will admit though... I must commend you for initiating sexual relation. I speak only from example in my relationship, I for the most part... No Longer take the initiation, primarily because over the years I have become frustrated with rejections & excuses of, am tired, sleepy, or not tonite or we just did it two/ five nights ago and/or I need my rest for work tomorrow!

:blushing:

[Jaffa 5]

You aren't going to like this, but at 24 years of age, you don't realistically know what love is really all about. You are most likely more in love with the idea of being in love, then you are actually in love. And it really doesn't matter, because by the time your 30, you are going to be a completely different person. Add on the fact that you are going to be a physically different person, there is no possible way this relationship will last.

Quit wasting your time, looking for that love feeling. You most likely are mistaking the initial feelings of a new relationship with the true feeling of long lasting love.

The sooner you figure this out the sooner you will move on.

[charlimc 0]

ok thanx for all your advise, how can u get this post deleted i think ive had enough opf the world knowing my probs now

[TerriDoodle 6]

You can "report the post" by clicking on the red & white triangle in the lower left corner. You can REQUEST that the thread be deleted, but the moderators may or may not delete it...this is a public forum and when you post you acknowledge that fact.

You can also go to each of your individual posts and hit the "edit" button in the lower right corner. You will then be given the option to delete the post.