Woo! I'm sexy!

[FuelMan 2]

I have been thinking about this post all afternoon. Sometimes I do feel sexy, it's usually in the pool where gravity in not a factor. Even at times in my life when I was "Skinny" or at least normal weight, I still never felt sexy or cute. Cute never fit my demeanor, or my life style. This is my dilemma....... My image of sexy does not fit me, or how I see myself in my crazy head. When I was at a normal weight there where times when I got passes made on me and I took off running. Just the thought of someone seeing me as cute, or to see myself as cute, is something that makes me more then a little afraid. You see being fat and all covered up, it's safe to flirt with women, in fact.... I am the biggest flirt I know, always giving compliments and trying to make people feel better. In fact if there is anything sexy about me, it's the way I handle myself with groups of people, and with women. As long as it does not go too far or anyone tries to give me a compliment!!!!!!!! Now that scares the Heck out of me. When someone is attracted to me (even my wife), it makes me skin crawl, and I get all antsy inside. This has been my pattens my whole life, it's only taken me 53 years. I would lose weight by bulling through some diet and losing a ton of weight, and then these feelings of sexy & cute would jumpout at me, and I would start putt'in the weight back on faster then it came off. Gaining a pound or 2 a day. Some doctor told me it was impossible to do that???? Heck, he anin't never seen me eat. On one Christmas I gained 6 pounds, I was a eating mechine.

ANYWAY............. this is where I am now, at a 200 lb weight loss, and health that ain't all that good, mostly leg problems (was hit by a car in my sorted past), and it would be great if I lost the extra 200 pounds I have to go. SO........ I sit here with my band and knowing all I have to do is get a fill and I can lost the extra weight. BUT, I am standing still out of fear of being sexy & cute. Maybe when I finely lose all the weight I have to go, I will be too old to be sexy or cute, LOL,LOL,LOL, now that would be a heck of a joke. Thank you for this thread, because I really need to address this stuff, and get on with my life.

Namasta, Butch

[Zoe 6]

Butch, thanks for giving a guy's perspective on this topic, and a gentle reminder to us that women aren't the only ones who might feel unsexy because of their size. You're NEVER too old to be sexy and cute!

[ReneBean 3]

Bad News, Butch.

If having women make passes at you freaks you out, you are going to be in more trouble, the older you get!

There are just less men than women in the higher age groups... and older women lose any hint of modesty or shy-ness that they ever might have had.

If your lovely wife frightens you - Darlin' you had better start your therapy now....

:]

[showboatgirl 0]

My sis and I had surgery 2 weeks ago. We decided today that our faces are looking prettier--not so round and puffy. I guess my thinner face makes me feel sexy.

[FuelMan 2]

It's not that I am frighten of women, or my wonderful wife. It's just a feel'in inside that someone thinks of me in a cute Or sexy way. Sexy ani't me. It just don't fit, like last years pants. Seeing myself as cute is very different, and I keep try'in to act it, BUT man is it hard. MAN, If I told you the amount of therapy I have had in the last 25 years....... I could pay down the national debt. I am just now finding out how hard this is to lose weight and be aware of it, see the change, and feel the difference it makes in my life. I have gone through most of my life with blinders on. WELL..... not today, I am awake and feeling, no Bull. I am feel'in everything, in spades. No dumb ass mantra, of how I am a perfect being, and full of light and love......... I use to say that stuff and never believe in the crap, well today with a mature connection with God, and wide open, feel'in everything I am doing this. It might take awhile, this is not the most taken path, and it's taken me a long ass time to get here, BUT, here I am, lump and all, AND I DO MEAN LUMPS. LOL, LOL, LOL,

Butch

[Marimaru 7]

I think that a large part of body dysmorphia comes from what you are told throughout your life. Whether it's to your personally or as a blanket statement that you feel you fall into. The way society treats body image has said terrible things to the people that don't have perfect bodies that we choose to believe. So now we have to tell ourselves (and hopefully the folks around us will help) that we aren't ugly, and that to not have "the perfect body" doesn't make us ugly either.

I also wonder what to do with the attention. I've never been good at taking complements. Something in my brain always says "they're just being nice" or "they're lying" or something. I have good and bad days at work. I get complements on my graphics and think "yeah, I'm pretty good!" and other days I just don't think I'm that great. Talent dysmorphia?

[Alexandra 55]

Wet blanket here: I have never in my life felt "sexy" and I don't now. I do think, and have thought for most of my life, that I'm reasonably attractive, and now that my face shape actually shows through I can see that I'm even pretty. I love my new collarbones and think my proportions from top of head to shoulders are just about perfect.

But "sexy"? Nope. I know that's my frame of mind more than anything else, and it's just always been that way. I'll come right out and say that I don't mind it, either.

I'm only putting this out there for the other people who may be reading this and feeling somehow inadequate if they don't have "sexiness" on the list of things they're missing in their lives. Just because someone else says it's an attribute to be desired doesn't necessarily make it so.

Maybe it's just a language thing and we really are trying to talk about the same thing. But to me, one's degree of "sexiness" does not correlate to one's worth, and it especially does not indicate one's lovability.

[ReneBean 3]

Just remember the old song:

"I believe in Miracles...

Where you from? You Sexy Thang.... "

Or a somewhat newer one:

"I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts..."

Dance with it Butch. You'll be ok. If you can handle Cute - you will be able to handle Sexy some day.

:]

[Marimaru 7]

Alex, I think you bring up a good point. I suppose sexiness could be replaced with "attractiveness" in a lot of places. I DO want to feel sexy sometimes, but I'd also like "knowing" that I'm attractive on a regular basis. You know those people who look decent even if they throw on sweats and don't do their hair? I'd like to be one of those people.

There are times when I'd like to be sexy. But I'd like to be attractive and pretty all the time tho .

[loopylou 0]

Alex, I dont think anyone is saying "you must all be/feel sexy!" But instead saying "play with your sexiness, your sensuality, your playfulness, experiment with feeling beautiful and desirable - not because you should - but be cause it FEELS WONDERFUL!!!"

[vinesqueen 2]

So many people, men and women, feel that they are not desireable because they think they are not. It's a BRAIN thing. It isn't about what you look like. Hell, I still weigh damn near 250 pounds and know I'm sexy.

You are right partly Alex, but that is not what this thread about. Or at least, not what Mari had in mind.

Being able to view one's self as sexy is wonderful and powerful. I'm so sorry Alex that you have never felt sexy. I think this is tragic.

[Alexandra 55]

Well the good news is that *I* don't think it's tragic, so there's nothing to worry about.

Being able to view oneself as sexy may be wonderful and powerful, but only if one thinks sexiness conveys those things. I'm thinking that I just have a different definition in my mind, because I definitely feel wonderful and powerful most of the time (when I keep up with exercising, anyway). And I have a very happy relationship with my husband, full of love and affection. I'm not frigid, if that's what you're thinking.

Maybe I'm full of hangups, although I feel level-headed enough. Hell, I have NO problems allowing for what others may find arousing--it's not like I disapprove or anything. Maybe I was just born without enough estrogen or something, but my point is that it's not necessarily a bad thing to not feel that "sexy" is some goal to be reached.

And maybe it's all semantics, because I'm definitely for self-appreciation in all its forms. The very word "sexy" sounds like some objective benchmark imposed on us from society, and that just makes me bristle.

Editing to add that I am sorry I jumped in here, because I really don't want to start a debate. But I'll leave my comments in case they resonate with anyone else. 'Nuff said.

[Oh 2 Be Free 0]

Originally Posted By NJ CHICK

WOWEEE this is hard, I do not feel or consider myself sexy what so ever, never did. I feel more gawky than anything.

Hmmmmmmmmmm... nope nodda.

I admit, after the way you were talking, I did brace myself for your pic.

But then I saw it and I was like "Are you kidding me??"

I think you are a very attractive woman. You have alot working for you! Pretty eyes, a beautiful smile. Eighty pounds or not.

I hope that someday soon, you see that for yourself. You are beautiful.. inside and out.

[Oh 2 Be Free 0]

Originally Posted by FUELMAN

Sometimes I do feel sexy, it's usually in the pool where gravity in not a factor. Even at times in my life when I was "Skinny" or at least normal weight, I still never felt sexy or cute. Cute never fit my demeanor, or my life style. This is my dilemma....... My image of sexy does not fit me, or how I see myself in my crazy head. When I was at a normal weight there where times when I got passes made on me and I took off running. Just the thought of someone seeing me as cute, or to see myself as cute, is something that makes me more then a little afraid. You see being fat and all covered up, it's safe to flirt with women, in fact.... I am the biggest flirt I know, always giving compliments and trying to make people feel better. In fact if there is anything sexy about me, it's the way I handle myself with groups of people, and with women. As long as it does not go too far or anyone tries to give me a compliment!!!!!!!! Now that scares the Heck out of me. When someone is attracted to me (even my wife), it makes me skin crawl, and I get all antsy inside. This has been my pattens my whole life, it's only taken me 53 years. I would lose weight by bulling through some diet and losing a ton of weight, and then these feelings of sexy & cute would jumpout at me, and I would start putt'in the weight back on faster then it came off. Gaining a pound or 2 a day.

I think you and I are long lost twins... you have just descibed me to a T!

Wow! that's weird.

[Oh 2 Be Free 0]

Okay Okay !! I know I am hogging up all the space..

I think my sexiest body part is.... my hands.. don't know why.. just do.