Could I Need Counseling

[che4u 0]

Wonderful topic, all, thanks for the multiple well thought responses. I didn't start the post but have enjoyed reading the comments!

I personally feel similarly to others about the sexual attention nervousness. I am hoping, now that I have been married for almost 13 years, that those fears will be lessened as I don't feel that I *need* the attention. I like people finding me beautiful or even attractive but that look with objectification within it has always made my skin crawl. Could be because I am fairly femministic. :frown:

I met my husband on a BBW website, (big, beautiful women), so I had that distance/safety level before meeting him in person. I have MUCH better luck with dating when I met the guys online, as silly as that sounds. I could make my profile as "tough" as I wanted it to be, to keep the abusers at bay. It worked. I got 3 great guys and had a blast with each of them.

Due to this "pre-emptive screeening", (between e-mailing and hone calls), I knew the guys fairly well and got that awkward state of, "does he like me?" out of the way.

I know online dating ins't for all and it can be VERY dangerous, if not handled cautiously, but I am so glad that I tried it. I was at my heaviest, to that date, when I joined.

The down side is that I got a husband that is SO acceptable of my weight that I have gained without remorse or fear of losing him. That is why I want to remedy this.

I want my children to feel proud of their mother, when their friends meet me. I want to be able to keep up with their athletic activities. I want my husband to be a tiny bit jealous once in a while, (as horrible as that sounds).

Being a work-at-home Mom and being 15 feet from the kitchen 24-7 has not been a good option for me but I have done it, for a long time now. I am ready to be done with that, though, and either shift into a new space or shift my time somehow. I have to be away from food, even if I get the band, the temptation is too great. Business is good but I just don't know if it's good *enough* to warrant renting a space or building an addition or shed etc..

Thanks again for the discussion and ideas!

Shannon

[HolliJ 24]

I have had a rough day... confronting my eating disorder niece who has been living with me for 6 months. After finding a raw potato that fell out of her back back......... We had a good talk......... we both cried together........ good bonding moment. I love her so much. She is 19 and I am afraid for her.

Does your niece have pica?

[HolliJ 24]

I also have a problem with self-sabotaging. A couple years ago I lost about 30lbs and noticed that I got more male attention. Before I knew it, I gained all the weight back (and more) in a 3-month period.

When I was younger, I had a lot of issues with guys, as far as getting attention. I had a couple guys stalk me. I've been pursued by married men, men older than me, etc.. It really did cause me a lot of stress and mental anguish. When I started gaining weight, the attention lessened. At this weight, life is comfortable and safe. I don't worry about that kind of attention, because barely anyone looks at me twice anymore. Flirting has become almost non-existant.

I guess I'm afraid that if I lose weight, I'll get that type of attention again. I've been single since 2001. I haven't even kissed anyone since that time. I'm a virgin (I'm 26). Yes, it's by choice. I actually consider myself asexual.

[HappyHomeCC 2]

As I posted in another thread yesterday, a smart person in my WLS support group says, "The surgeon does the stomach surgery, but you have to do the brain surgery."

My bariatric nurse talked a lot about "addiction switching," the phenomenon mentioned above where someone who used to be addicted to food "switches" to alcohol, compulsive shopping, or even drugs or sex.

So in other words, therapy yay! It's just putting one more tool in your weight loss toolbelt.

My husband would be happy if I switched to a sex addiction as long as it involves him LOL

[HappyHomeCC 2]

Does your niece have pica?

Holli

what is Pica?

[jms462001 9]

Years ago, when I was at my thinnest (after nearly starving myself and losing 30 lbs in 6 weeks), I bought a denim mini skirt. That mini skirt attracted male attention--attention that I was not comfortable with! I unconsciously put on 5lbs--just enough that the mini skirt no longer fit--and then I felt a wierd sense of relief that I didn't have to wear that skirt again! Fat has some benefits that we often don't want to admit we're ok with: fat lets us be in the background; fat says I don't have to compete fashion-wise, sex-wise, friends-wise, work-wise; fat says I'm off the market sexually and will be a faithful wife; fat says I can get by with just being the funny one; fat says I'm motherly and nurturing; fat says I'll be the one that survives a famine; fat can make me feel larger that life; fat can make me feel protected and shielded...! Fat can bury so many emotions and protect us from ourselves and/or our pasts. As the weight comes off, we begin the excavation of our past selves, and that can be very uncomfortable. Yes, if you have access to affordable therapy, by all means do so! If you get help from reading, I would recommend anything by Geneen Roth (I might not have spelled her first name exactly right), The Dance of Anger (don't remember the author), and a book that I think is called, The Fat is in Your Head. We are all so much more than just our bodies. Good luck!

Excellent post!!

[wootsie73 0]

WOW! I love this thread. Believe me, this thread hits me where it hurts! I have figured out that my fat is my 'parka' to protect me, but I didn't know lots of other people do the same thing. That at least makes me feel a little better. The problem is, I don't know how to get past it. I'm not sure why I always sabotage myself, so I'm trying to find a therapist to help me figure it out. I'm not banded yet, but I can see myself eating again after I've lost some weight. 2 years ago I lost 40lbs, but gained it all back. Hopefully a good therapist will help me.

Great thread. Thanks everyone for sharing.

Joan

[HolliJ 24]

Holli

what is Pica?

Guess not :biggrin:

Taken from Wikipedia:

Pica is a medical disorder characterized by an appetite for substances largely non-nutritive (e.g., clay, coal, soil, feces, chalk, paper, soap, mucus, ash, gum etc.) or an abnormal appetite for some things that may be considered foods, such as food ingredients (e.g., flour, raw potato, raw rice, starch, ice cubes, salt, blood)

You had said something about a raw potato, so I connected that to Pica.

[andjhd 0]

Your not alone, I'm at 6 months and have lost 41 some times I feel like i should be further along. But try to remember we didnt gain it over night and will not lose it over night, and also people lose weight differently some slower that others. Seek some help and keep on loosing at your pace. Good luck

[cgailsmith 0]

This is to happyhomecc...have you been banded yet? I noticed you were in the inland empire, wondered if you used Dr. Krahn?

[cgailsmith 0]

WOW! I love this thread. Believe me, this thread hits me where it hurts! I have figured out that my fat is my 'parka' to protect me, but I didn't know lots of other people do the same thing. That at least makes me feel a little better. The problem is, I don't know how to get past it. I'm not sure why I always sabotage myself, so I'm trying to find a therapist to help me figure it out. I'm not banded yet, but I can see myself eating again after I've lost some weight. 2 years ago I lost 40lbs, but gained it all back. Hopefully a good therapist will help me.

Great thread. Thanks everyone for sharing.

Joan

Wootsie 73: I've been banded for 18 months, and while I cheat and have not lost weight as fast as I should, I do know the lap band has been highly successful in keeping me from gaining weight!

I wouldn't worry so much about gaining weight on the lapband once your third or fourth fill is complete. It really is a great behavior modification tool. I find I gain weight only if I really, really want to....which means I eat small amounts, all day long, and the small amounts are very bad foods. Soooo....again, if you keep yourself from being holed up all day and eating a pile of crap, swishing it down with alcohol and/or soft drinks, then my feeling is that the band is going to work, at least to keep you from gaining again.

[HappyHomeCC 2]

This is to happyhomecc...have you been banded yet? I noticed you were in the inland empire, wondered if you used Dr. Krahn?

I have not been banded yet. I have pre op test next friday.

I did call Dr Krahn hard to get anyone to return calls, Dr Coon I called too and they wanted like $2500 up front in set up fees etc plus I would have to pay 10% of surgery etc.

I have heard great things about Dr Krahn, but his staff is not on the ball.

[cgailsmith 0]

I have not been banded yet. I have pre op test next friday.

I did call Dr Krahn hard to get anyone to return calls, Dr Coon I called too and they wanted like $2500 up front in set up fees etc plus I would have to pay 10% of surgery etc.

I have heard great things about Dr Krahn, but his staff is not on the ball.

As soon as I posted the reply I re-read your post and realized you hadn't had the operation yet.

Good luck with it! Krahn is a fairly young doctor and they are extremely busy. I got very frustrated a couple of times after having had to wait three hours for a fill. I bitched and moaned and told him it was unacceptable.

As of my last visit (I think January or February), the wait had been whittled down to about thiry minutes. They refused to tighten my band last January, it really pissed me off because I have plateaud. After reading this forum, I am going to make another appointment and try to get more Fluid in the band, because I am just not losing weight!

With Dr. Krahn's office, they have too many chiefs and not enough Indians. He is trying to get a handle on it, but puts way too much authority in his supervisors..

[HappyHomeCC 2]

Guess not

Taken from Wikipedia:

You had said something about a raw potato, so I connected that to Pica.

Oh yeah pica I forgot about that ... Nope I don't think so. that was the worst thing she has taken... she chooses to hoard sweets like candies and chocolates I believe to keep her blood sugar up so she doesn't pass out... I think when she feels weak she pops one or 2 ...

[HappyHomeCC 2]

I love this thread too ... it resonates with me all the things you'all have said, I see my posts. I use my weight as buffer as well as other things... including excuses for under acheiving in my life.

I went for my first counseling session.... I told her I was planning on doing the lapband this summer and I need to work my head out so that I can be successful at losing the weight. She has counseled a number of people that have had wls.

She told me that I seem to know myself really well, so why am I here.... LOL cuz I can't fix it with strategies within my comfort zone to take the steps so I don't freak out and so that I am able to attain real, lasting change.

So I thought I would begin with addressing my marital / sexual issues more ... It entailed a history of me and my MOTHER... there are some serious issues there !!!! I know them... but was ready to deal with the obvious, my husband .... LOL Ahhhh She is Good she nailed the Jello me! At the end I told her... Ok, now you made me cry and I need to go pee so I am going home now! She has a good sense of humor, that is good... Houston, I think we have a match here!

My husband thinks that the counselor thing is a lapband insurance requirement, I didn't tell him I had my psych eval and this was on my own, of my own choosing .... I guess he would be happy to hear I wasn't in there roasting him! But I am not going to tell him that, not now.

Something has got to give here and I am great at psycho analyzing myself.... but I can't "fix-it", I am however great at helping and supporting other people.... I also admitted that I thought that people of my age who suddenly remember things from their childhood were nuts and I didn't believe it... over the last few years a lot of that has happened to me!!!! I will be 42 in a month!!!

So onward and upward! I am glad I went, and I am a person that has afew friends that I am really open with, but I am glad I made this step for myself. I am glad that we clicked and she gets my humor!

Edited June 6, 2009 by HappyHomeCC