just needing and wanting to vent

[MADE IT 2 MY GOAL..OH YEAH 0]

This is total off the subject of lapband or anything to do with loosing weight. I am just so upset and home alone with nobody else to talk to. I hope nobody minds my venting about this on this site. If anyone does, I am very sorry.

My 2 kids dad and I are divorced. They are spending a month of their summer vacation with him and his new bitch of a new wife. I want and need to go into just a bit of detail about their relationship. They met on the internet while I was the only one at work and supporting our family. While I would be at work, he would be on the phone with her and out seeing her. They were sleeping together when we were still married. I come home from work one day to him having his bags packed and him saying he had been unhappy for quite a while and was leaving. I tried my best to hold our family together but he was already with someone else.

I don't hate either of them for what they did to me and my kids. As a matter of fact, I am grateful for them meeting and him leaving for her. If this hadn't have happened, I wouldn't be with my new husband now, the man whom I love with everything within me. I do hate Sam (his new wife) for knowing we were married, and still sleeping with him knowing he was married and had 2 children.

As for my ex, he is such a dead beat ahole no good for anything piece of sh**. He doesn't pay childsupport unless the state of Tennessee finds out where he is working and takes it out of his check weekly themselves. When they start to do this, he ups and quits his job so he don't have to pay childsupport. His wife has told me they aren't paying childsupport they are smart and know how to get out of it. He has been summons to court 5 times since we have gotten divorced but has only shown up 1 time out of those 5 times he should have been there. He has her to lie when the cops show up at their door and say he isn't there cause he knows that if he don't get the summons for court, then legally they can't do anything about him not showing up, and once again gets away without paying child support. His wife tells me that my husband now, makes good enough money that the kids don't need their real daddy helping me out. I tell her she is right about the fact that my husband makes good money, but it is still their daddys responseabilty to help me support them.

They both tell both of my kids that they pay child support every week and pays more that what the court has ordered. My oldest comes to me and tells me that they say this then i have to show her online where it shows the last time he paid anything and she realizes that he hasn't been paying. I hate to do that, but I can't and wont let them lie to her. They say that I spend the child support on clothes for myself and spend it on stuff that dont relate to either of them. That is such a lie. When he did pay and was forced to pay, I would pay bills, buy stuff for the house that my husband is building for us, and buy them clothes or whatever they needed or wanted. I checked with the child support office and yes, I can use the money to pay bills and to help build a house that they will live in.

Right now, he is 3 months behind again, and guess what? He and his new wife just bought a new 2 story 3 bedroom 2 bath and a spare room. They got a new SUV, are always buying things for up there. He is supporting his 2 stepchildren and doesn't even care to help out his own flesh and blood. To me, he isn't their daddy, he is just a sperm donor with visitation rights.

It makes me so angry to know that I can't give them stuff like he can. He trys to buy their love and let's face it my daughter is 10 and my son is 8, it's not hard to buy love for kids that young. But me, I can't afford to buy a Wii and games for it, I can't afford to go out and buy them new shoes every couple weeks, I can't afford to buy them toys and all that stuff. I can only afford to buy them the things that they NEED, and every once in a while, I am able to buy them what they want. It hurts me and makes me feel like a bad mom and failure when I tell them Idon't have the money when they ask for something.

I work but don't make alot of money doing what I do. My husband pay and hours have been cut so we don't make alot of money. When we have extra money, we try to put it toward the house we are building so they will have a home to call their own. By the time we are finished building this home, we will owe NOTHING on it. It will be paid for fully.

But what is a fully paid home worth to a 8 or 10 year old child. They don't understand what that means.

Today, I got on myspace to send her a message to tell her I love her and to tell her brother I love him too and let them know that I will call them later this evening. I saw that she had added new albums to hers. I went to check it out, and its all pictures of her dad and her step dad. Not a single picutre of me or a single picture of her stepdad. Not a single picture of the only 2 people that actually try their best to provide for her. Not the ones that spend 100s of dollars for her for cheerleading, not the ones that stay up with her late at night when she is sick or sad cause something had happened earlier that day. Just her stepmom and dad.

Her stepmom is trying to take my place. Yes I am happy that she says she loves my 2 like her own. But there is a line between loving them and trying to take my place. I know she can't take the place of me, but I am so scared that eventually, with them buying all this stuff for them and the big houses they keep buying, and the vacations they take them on, and all the stuff they can do for them that we can't, she is going to take my place and my kids are gonna want to live with them.

2 yrs. ago, they took temp. custody of the kids by going infront of a judge telling him that we hit them, and that my husband makes my daughter kiss him on the lips and saying that we make them call my husband daddy. Yes, I spank my children when they need it, but I or we dont hit on them. My daughter freely kisses my husband on the CHEEK before she goes to bed. I have never ask either of my kids to call him daddy mark or daddy for that matter and they never have. Even if they did, so what she calls her step mom moma sam. Whats the difference in her calling her step mom that and her step dad daddy mark. He is more of a daddy to both of them than their real daddy has ever been. Come to find out, he only did what he did with the whole court thing because he didn't want to pay child support (which he wasn't anyways and at that time he was almost 2 yrs behind on it), and was mad because I moved on with my life. He expected me to stay by myself, lonely for the rest of my life. It tore him up inside to know that I was finally happy and had a man that loved me and my children.

OK, I'm sitting here holding back the tears. So I am going to stop now. I thank everyone that took the time to read this. If anyone would like to reply please do so.

[2livesmart 0]

I just wanted to tell you to hang in there. Trouble does not last always. Your children know the truth and karma is very real. Stay prayerful. I wish you the best.

PS. Feel free to vent anytime:rolleyes2:

[dolphanatic22 0]

I grew up in a similar situation and my dad always told us he paid all the time and more than enough and my mom should stop spending money on herself and my stepdad. My sister, brother and I learned very soon what a vindictive A** he was./is. I can tell you that my mom never talked bad about my dad like my dad did about her. She did explain the situation factually, and also explained how much a house and food and clothes cost. Show your children your grocery bill...have them use a calculator to add it up while going through the grocery store, that helped my son learn the true non-value of a dollar. They will learn soon that he is a butthead, but hang in there honey.

[MacMadame 81]

Your kids aren't always going to be 8 and 10 and they aren't going to be happy when they find out they could have had more stuff and an easier childhood if their deadbeat dad hadn't been constantly spending money on himself instead of paying child support.

ETA I'm speaking from experience here... my dad never paid child support either.

[pattygreen 5]

You don't seem to give your children much credit for being insightful. They know who is doing right by them, whether you think so or not. Children see beyond the 'gifts'. If you are loving them and caring for them and providing for them, if you are there for them when they need you and can talk to you about anything, then you will be the one who they will respect and treasure. They'll always love their dad, too. The 'things' they buy and do for them can not satisfy their need for love and discipline. Children need security and stability. Be their 'rock'. If I could give you any advice, it would be to always talk positively about your ex to the children, always tell them to enjoy their time with him when they leave. Even if it bothers you. Never let them see any jealousy you may have. If they tell you that he has said 'bad' things about you, simply tell your children that "daddy doesn't always mean what he says." One day, and it may even be already, your children will 'see' that you were always the respectful, mature, sensible, and righteous parent, and daddy always seemed to be the opposite. It's the character of a person that wins out in the end, not the giftgiving.

Divorce can be very difficult for kids, so the less drama they see, the better, IMO.