Troubled bandster needs advise (may be a little TMI for some readers)

[sue in ne 1]

:cool:J Whipple, How is it going? How is the new job? have you contacted your daughter? or her Mom? Let us know how you are doing?

[JWhipple 0]

Long story short...

1) Job is going well!

2) Daughter has spent most of the summer with me and is doing well. She'll be returning to school on Monday.

3) Mom worked with me the whole time on the child support situation.

4) I found out the WHOLE and REAL story with what was going on with my wife... We are working on ironing out all the differences and she is back on her medication FULL TIME. We are dating and she is living with her daughter. The "boyfriend" was bogus... She told me there was another man to make me jealous because she thought there was something going on between my prior wife and I. She found out the truth by watching my house for almost a week and found out that there indeed was nothing going on. Stalking? Yes, but, I won't complain since it cleared me of any wrongdoing. She came clean about it and told me the whole scoop as well as me having talked to the "boyfriend" face to face and found out there was indeed nothing going on, in fact, he was the one who urged her to Iron things out with me. He was never anything more than a roommate.

[sue in ne 1]

Glad to hear it!! Keep it up, Still keep yourself as your 1st priority!! hope things go well for you ..

[penny62 0]

I'm sorry for all heartache in your life. You said you lost your job , your wife and didn't want to lose your sweet daughter.There is hope. Hope is Jesus Christ. If you give your life over to him and have faith that he will answer your prayers, He will. The answers will not be instant but in God's time. HE is the one you should go to for answers, He will be your rock, your Savior. I will pray for you.

[JWhipple 0]

This just won't end....

We spent a few weeks together and I saw a marked improvement since she was back on her antidepressants full time (I verified each morning that it was taken).

We decided since I was starting the new job and would immediately have benefits that we should go make things legal again, so we went to the courthouse and remarried.

3 weeks later, she had only moved a little of her stuff back and we were planning on bringing the balance back over there that weekend.

When I got home on Wednesday, all of the stuff she had brought back over was gone, as was her Chihuahua.

To this date I've gotten no explanation that was worth even considering being the truth - she just spouted off a few random things and said they were why she moved out. I don't buy it.

So, she wants to get this annulled and if we can't, we'll have to pay for another divorce.

Since she has left the depression has kicked itself up a notch. I slept nearly the entire weekend away. I need to see about getting my dosage increased. I'm feeling down all day, when I can sleep I have nightmares about her over and over again. I just wish she could stop haunting my memory FOR GOOD!

At least I still have my job!

[sue in ne 1]

JWhipple, I am so sorry for this to have happened. :sad:It does sound like she has more than a few problems, she expects someone else to fix. She may be one of those people who has to hit bottom before they seek help to change themselves. The best way to help her is not to help.

You are someone with insight and the ability to deal with problems, even seek help when needed. :thumbup:That is a MAJOR PLUS.You can get through this, but you must focus on you. You still need to take care of you. If you were a Chick, I'd suggest watching the movie "1st Wives Club", and enjoy your favorite treat/ comfort food ( even with the band you can have a little- suggest buying only a small quantity), or have good cry, exercise, beat up a pillow or inanimate object. VENT your feelings.( i used to get in the car and say all the things I wanted to say to/ about whoever was causing me grief.- just not while driving) If you have a favorite FUNNY movie, now is the time to watch it. - Do something to vent your feelings on/ with/through.

Do see an attorney and a counselor to help you sort through this. Sounds like you have been abused emotionally and financially, in this whole experience. You have been given a lot of stress to deal with all at once and seek help is a good step .

You need to find other connections and people to be with. Go contact your daughter. Sounds Like you are a Good Father , too ( Another PLUS) I don't know what type of relationship you have with her Mom, but if it is amicable, let her know what you are going through. If not, how about other friends or co-workers at your old or new job. There are usually self- help groups for everything- even parents without partners, or those going through a divorce. The phone book often lists contacts for such groups. If you go to a church, maybe the minister/pastor can help. I am glad you have a job and see this as better than before.

Do look to other posts here and focus on you. Keep in touch. You are a smart, intelligent person, with good insight into yourself, and the ability to change.

Apologies, if you dislike the emoticons ( I'm kind of hooked on them)

Edited September 7, 2009 by sue in ne

[JWhipple 0]

Divorce papers were notarized AGAIN last night , plus I got her to sign off of the house.

To add insult to injury, the guy she was staying with before she is now in a relationship with and has made a point of plastering it all over her Facebook page along with photos of the "family thanksgiving".

She had been stringing me along for the past several months, saying that she was staying with her daughter (which I now know was a crock of bull) and coming to see me when she could. I would sit around the house waiting day in and out for the opportunity to see her if she could come over, and of course, the one time that I was utterly exhausted from a bad day at work and all I wanted to do was go to bed she called and was upset that I wasn't at her beckon-call . I guess I was the "other man" for a while and didn't even realize.

So, I won't be too terribly surprised once the divorce is finalized that she gets married PDQ to this guy... All I can say is that you can never trust a woman who you got by her cheating on her husband.

Also - I did a little public records research last night, turns out that she's been married a bit more than she had told me. Apparently I'm not the only guy she married more than once, some poor sap was gullible enough to marry her THREE TIMES. So, this makes SEVEN divorces she'll have once this one is final.

This year has been a real roller-coaster ride - one that I can say I wouldn't ever want to ride again!

[china 1]

at least you know and now you can close the book on that chapter and move on with your life. trust me god knows best and she just wasnt for you. dont worry she will get hers when you do wrong to someone it comes back 2x's fold. im praying for you.

[Just-Ice 1]

Holy cow Whip! Looks like you've gotten out with your skin intact at least! (Sorry to jump on the thread out of nowhere!)

Peace be yours :smile:

[sue in ne 1]

JWhipple,Well, It hurts now, but it is over. You can choose to keep her out of your life. Just keep thinking of all her other ex's when she tries to contact you. Don't wait for her any more. She isn't worth any more of your time, emotions, or money. She willl get hers. ( karma does work) - AS they say- living well is the best revenge,:willy_nilly: for now, focus on living well. Go out and be with others. Volunteer, at something- doesn't have to be anythng formal, Offer to hepl your neighbor or co-worker.. Helping others will help you. Celebrate the Season with others, maybe your daughter. You have had a heckuva year- time for some peace of mind.

Good Luck !!