The fat girl at the party.

[Anii 0]

So I am sure this has been brought up a lot, but I am so sick of being the fat girl at the party...

I kind of thought this kid was cute, and of course he hits on my best friend..like always.

I hate it because I don't know if it's because I am fat or because I am fat and respect myself. Its like these guys expect you to always want sex from them just because you are fat. And if you don't your just someone fun and chill to talk to and nothing more. Does that happen to anyone? And for all of you successful lap banders, did you have a complete turn around regarding that kind of stuff? I know I am ranting but I am just kind of sick of being the cool one and nothing else and I don't really know where else to rant... Let me know how you guys feel about that stuff! (I got my band March 17 and have lost 20 pounds so far...woohoo!)

[tlambright1986 0]

First of all congrats on your weightloss!! I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL!! I know how it is to be with your girlfriend and you meet a hott guy and then the guys wants your friend! It sucks! I used to be all the guys best friends and they loved me ONLY AS FRIENDS! Even though I have a boyfriend and love him to death, I still like to be hit on ya know?

You will find the tables have turned soon though! Then its going to be weird lol! I just recently went to a local festival that everyone and their brother goes to in Fernandina Beach, FLwhere I live, and I had a lot of guys talk to me! Of course I just talked and nothing came out of it because im taken! But it was nice to feel attractive!!!

Actually after a few guys hit on you, it gets kinda annoying!

That being said, the right guy will like you no matter what! Im sure you have heard this a million times!!

Good luck on your weightloss!!

[ALuv82 0]

I mostly tend to feel like I'm just up and up ignored at parties. Not only am I not hit on, but I don't get talked to that much as a friend either. I think it's because of my own insecurity in social situations. That's pretty much why I hardly ever go out anymore. I've become completely introverted and dont' put myself out there anymore. There are a lot of areas of my life where I'm secure, but socially is not one of them. I can't wait to be able to go out and enjoy myself and not feel like I'm somewhere I'm not wanted.

[Jaffa 5]

I assume you are in your 20s, since you posted here, but let me tell you, most guys in there 20's are shallow.

I know, I used to be one of them. The grass is always greener on the other side. So be ready for some disappointment, when they are hitting on you just for your looks. You are only going to start attracting even shallower guys, so it is going to get annoying.

[Fozzie-Bear 0]

Something I learned is that I fail when I try and I do alright if I don't try and just be myself. Just be yourself and someone will come around, life is tough as it is right now so all i can say is don't worry about it and don't make it a top priority to find a boyfriend just leave it on the back burner and you will eventually find a good guy.

[Nobody's Girl 0]

I relate to you feeling that you are "The fattest girl" at the party and no one will talk to you.

I am a cowgirl in Texas and I love to go out to honky-tonk bars here. In Texas, the whole reason that you go out to bars is to listen to the band and dance (two-step). It really fun, everyone dances with everyone! I am a good dancer... but NO ONE every askes me to dance! Every once and a while a super creepy old guy will but theyre usually gross. I go to the bar with my best friend (who is very pretty and thin) and within 10 minutes of walking in every guy in the bar is asking her to dance, and I sit all by myself the rest of the night. IT SUCKS.

I have lost half of the weight that I need to and I still have trouble with this. But I think its really more about how I carry myself. I get so depressed and sad that no one is talking to me that I put a sour face on, and who wants to ask the girl pouting in the corner to dance? I need to change my attitude and not be discouraged if it takes a while for someone to ask me to dance.

[sarahbellzz14-4 1]

Once upon a time, we would have been GODDESS's of the party. Thats why I detest mainstream society. I don't want to look anorexic, I just want to be healthy and run around with my kid. We'll show em.....

[BEK1986 13]

I think confidence is key. I walk into every room with my head held high and proud of who I am, even if I do notice that I am the fattest one there I don't let ANYONE see my insecurity. Especially now with lap-band I KNOW that I am doing something about my weight so that makes me that much prouder and gives me so much more confidence.

People feed on confidence and the higher you hold yourself the more someone will notice you. Don't dwell on your weight while you are out... have fun and let loose... that's why you went out in the first place right?! A smile is contagious and even more so is a laugh. If you're having a good time people will want to surround themselves by you.

[Angie1985 0]

Good attitudes from everyone. It sucks that society dictates that we are less worthy at our weight. As much as I am happy to be losing and changing, it bothers me in a small way that I know this is going to get easier, not because people got more accepting, but cause I am just conforming.

And I totally know what you're talking about Ani... Like hot guys thinking that you should be willing to do anything with them because they're... being so generous to offer the opportunity? UGH. I hate boys sometimes!

[loulou09 0]

What can I say but guys can be little ***** sometimes but girls can be to them as well.

I completely agree with BEK1986 - walk in with your head held high, smile, laugh and don't let them get to you. If you want to dance and no one is asking you, dance with the old man - it could be fun! Thats what you're there for to have fun and life is full of surprises.

You can't expect anything but surprises and thats what makes life so interesting. The cute boy may be watching you have so much fun but is too shy to ask you to dance - why don't you ask him? They have to put up with rejection from us girlys so sometimes they just don't ask.

Live your life girls - fat, thin, or normal. Don't let your weight put your life on hold. Believe me I have done that for too long. Just smile and know that you are doing something about that part of things and join the party!

xox

[Unforgettable 0]

You are definitely not the only one that feels that way. I always try to think though that we all have our preferences - so people prefer blue eyes, some prefer long hair on men, and some guys prefer smaller women so I try not to fault them for that. It's when they act like you don't exist and are rude that the line is crossed. I agree with what many say though, I think a lot of it for myself personally was my own insecurities, because it wasn't that I was the fattest girl at the party, it was that I NOTICED it. It messes with your head and sometimes you make it worse than what it is. I know no matter how much weight I loose, that will still be a demon I will have to battle within myself.

[Kayc7227 0]

Well for one I agree with Steve, most guys this age are so shallow and just looking for fun! Frustrating. Secondly, I know how that feels and it sucks being the "fat girl" or the "fat friend" but like Bek1986 said its about confidence. How do I know that? Because my sister is about as big as I am but sooo much more confident and sure of herself than I am and she gets all the guys plus tons of friends! It's kind of annoying being outshone by your little sister lol. But hopefully my self confidence wil rise as I lose weight and I can start getting out there again.

[Anii 0]

Thanks for replying guys! I guess it's something I just kind of have to ignore until I'm something to be reckoned with ha ha:wink2:. I am actually pretty confident and except for my weight I think I am pretty damn awesome so maybe I'm still too high up there in weight to get a reaction. I definitely agree that shallow guys aren't really worth my time but I think I just want some of that attention and ego boost. So maybe I'm shallow too? This is terrible but I cannot wait for the moment that my friend and I come into a party and I am the one flirted with and she's my wing man...

[savannahsmommie 0]

I know the feeling! I think a lot of does have to do with confidence and how you portray yourself. I met my husband and I was overweight then as well. Not as much now, but I was about 175lbs and 5'11''. My husband is four inches shorter than me and has a six pac and arms to go with it. I def didn't think he would talk to me. Our friends were talking and I let my sense of humor and personality shine through. I guess he fell in love instantly because he propsed 3 weeks later and we were married 7 months after that. It's been four years and two kids and we're happy as can be. I have put on 65 lbs and he still loves me and tells me I have the greatest smile and best senses of humor and he's sad that I will lose all the weight because I don't have an ass when I do. heh. You will find the one that sees beyond the weight and sees you. I promise!

[Kamie 0]

Everyone has such good points! I know how it is to feel this way too and living in a college town with a huge amount of gorgeous people I have gotten into some introverted habits as well. I have a wonderful boyfriend, but I give him so much credit for not being a shallow man. He has had friends (well now not-so-much friends) that have given him a hard time for being with me. He won't say it, but I can tell it is because if my weight. At first I would let this get to me, like I felt sorry for him when we were out, but he has made me feel so much better. While I am so happy I will be getting banded soon because it will help me be so much healthier and open my world up, we are beautiful people at our weight. I just can't wait to feel more of that confidence on my own and then to have others just telling me what I am already seeing in the mirror. I am a happy person and my weight has covered some of my smile and laughter. I think that as I am making this decision to really care for myself through a drastic process and hard work the confidence and inner happiness will shine even more brightly because there will be less to fight through. Hope that makes some amount of sense.:cursing: