Misscaraige with Lap Band

[rodriguezequal 3]

Hello. On May 6th I found out that I was pregnant. (We had been trying). May 13th I lost the baby. I know that it's not the fault of the band...I have been having trouble not turning to food in this time of Grief. That would have been what I would have done without the band. All I want to do is eat...eat and eat and eat until it doesn't hurt anymore, but I know I can't. Has anyone else misscarried after having the lap band? How did you cope? What helped you. By the way I am 22 and they told me after I had my son that I may not be able to get pregnant again and that if I did I would most likely misscarry or be high risk. My heart is broken...I am tired of hearing; you're young, you can try again...I don't want to try again...I want my baby...this baby! Anyways, Thank you for reading...

[Cherry_Blue 0]

I am so sorry for your loss, that must be awful. I have never miscarried, so I can't know what you are going through, but i am deeply sorry :Banane01:

My sister in law suffered a miscarriage at 15 weeks, she now has an 18 month old but she says she still thinks of and remembers her first baby. She still grieves for him.

I am no expert, but I think what you are feeling is normal and you should allow yourself to feel that way. Have you got supportive friends and partner, someone to talk to.

I'll be thinking of you, hope you will be ok :purplebananna:

[rodriguezequal 3]

Thank you so much. My husband is in the Army so I am pretty far from my family. Though I talk to my mom and dad several times a day on the phone. They wouldn't even allow my husband time off so I had to take myself and my son to the ER when I was losing the baby. I wasn't very far along, but I already loved my baby...already talked to my tummy and already dreamed of the face I would see in 9 months. My heart aches for a baby that I never even got to see, feel or even hear...not even a heartbeat.

[Cherry_Blue 0]

It must be hard being isolated from your loved ones at this time and it having to go through the miscarriage without your husband must be awful. I am sorry.

Do you have anyone you can talk to, did teh hospital offer counselling?

[heartfire 4]

I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. And to have to go through it alone. My heart aches for you.

What you are experiencing is perfectly normal and you shouldn't suppress your feelings (except maybe in front of your son).

Try to take good care of yourself, heal physically, and work to heal emotionally.

Take care and if you don't mind, I'll add you to my prayers.

Hugs.

[gamyj 0]

I had a miscarrige, but it was before my banding. It was easily the worst experience of my life. My heart was broken and it took a very long time to heal. how did i cope... that is a hard thing to answer. I think I took each moment at a time... I cried alot, I went into myself so to speak... I withdrew for a while. I just needed to take time for me and allow myself to feel anything and everything that I needed. I found that i didn't want to try angain t get pregnant for a long time... I think it was close to a year before I wanted to try again. that happened in feb of 05... now I have a baby boy who is nearly 2. Do I still think about the baby I lost? yes sometimes I do, but I like to think that she is watching over my son as his angel. I pray that your pain subsides with time... it is such a real loss and i found that ppl made less of it... but to me I had lost my baby and was devistated. If u feel like u need to talk please feel free to send me a private message. I know what you are going through.

amy

[rodriguezequal 3]

Thank you all so much. The hospital brought in a social worker/Grief Counselor. She basically said; "You are so young. You and your husband can try for another baby. The egg was probably deformed so your body did what it had to do. At least you already have a child...some women aren't even that lucky. At least it happened early on and not later in pregnancy." It was like everything horrible that someone could say. It was like are you here to make me feel better? Geeze. Thank you for the prayers. I cry a lot...barely ever around my son. I know that he needs his mommy 100% and I try my best to give that to him. He's special needs/disabled so it was really tough to even think about trying again. I had pre-eclampsia when I was pregnant with him. I had him 2 months early and he was very sick. They gave him an hour to live. (He just turned 2 in March). He was in the NICU for 4 1/2 months and in the PICU for 2 months. He's had 2 surgeries. I was so so scared to try for another baby. My husband and I always wanted a large family (I come from a family with 8 older brothers, my husband 3 siblings). Being so scared we finally decided that 2 years was enough time and we were ready. We found out I was pregnant and we were so very excited, but scared...I knew that this was a possibility, but I just hoped that it wouldn't happen to me. It was like pouring salt on the wounds that were left from my son...it hurts so much. Thank you all again for all of you support, stories, and prayers.

[heartfire 4]

The counselor needs to be fired! I'd complain to the powers that be at the hospital! That was SO unkind and uncaring! Sheesh! She might as well have ripped out your heart with her bare hands!

You are in NO WAY ready to even THINK about this, you need time to heal, both physically and emotionally but when the time comes, please look to your heart about adoption. You mentioned that the doctors are advising against another pregnancy and you will need to pursue that line of thought first. But you also mentioned how scared you and your husband are about further pregnancies and were so scared for this one. Adoption wouldn't be a second choice for you and your family but another choice in expanding your family. There are Fost/Adopt programs as well as private agency adoption and domestic and international adoption.

I hesitate to even put this out there because I don't want you to think I'm telling you to "move on already!" I'm not. You need to take as long as YOU need, to heal from the trauma of your lost baby. I'm mentioning this only to give you options when the time is right for you and your husband to decide what you want to do as far as expanding your family or if you even decide too.

I'm an adoptive mom, if you couldn't tell already! LOL! We went through YEARS of infertility testing and procedures only to find failure after failure. I was NEVER able to get pregnant. We wanted a family and we chose a different path to making that happen than the regular biological way. We now have a beautiful [almost] 3 year old daughter. Best thing we've ever done for our family!

I had to go through a lot of grief before I could move on to the thought of adoption as did my husband. But we are glad we got there!

Continued prayers for your healing.

Hugs.

[rodriguezequal 3]

I have discussed adoption with my husband and we decided to try for a few more of our own first and then if we still were unable or having problems that we would adopt :cursing:

[Cherry_Blue 0]

Thank you all so much. The hospital brought in a social worker/Grief Counselor. She basically said; "You are so young. You and your husband can try for another baby. The egg was probably deformed so your body did what it had to do. At least you already have a child...some women aren't even that lucky. At least it happened early on and not later in pregnancy." It was like everything horrible that someone could say. It was like are you here to make me feel better? Geeze. Thank you for the prayers. I cry a lot...barely ever around my son. I know that he needs his mommy 100% and I try my best to give that to him. He's special needs/disabled so it was really tough to even think about trying again. I had pre-eclampsia when I was pregnant with him. I had him 2 months early and he was very sick. They gave him an hour to live. (He just turned 2 in March). He was in the NICU for 4 1/2 months and in the PICU for 2 months. He's had 2 surgeries. I was so so scared to try for another baby. My husband and I always wanted a large family (I come from a family with 8 older brothers, my husband 3 siblings). Being so scared we finally decided that 2 years was enough time and we were ready. We found out I was pregnant and we were so very excited, but scared...I knew that this was a possibility, but I just hoped that it wouldn't happen to me. It was like pouring salt on the wounds that were left from my son...it hurts so much. Thank you all again for all of you support, stories, and prayers.

You sound like an awsome mum and have been through so much, I really hope everything works out for you :smile:

[rodriguezequal 3]

Thank you :smile: This has really helped me...it really has

[JaimeSTL 4]

I am so sorry for your loss. I got pregnant 7 months post-op, but lost my baby girl at 20 weeks in February. I went into pre-term labor from an infection and had to deliver her. It has been the hardest thing I've ever dealt with. She was born alive and passed away in my arms two hours later.

I wish I could give you some advice, but I'm struggling. I just eat and eat and I don't care. I'm trying really hard to get back in the right mindset to lose weight again. I gained 20 lbs while pregnant, lost most of it within a few days of delivery, but I've since gained back 15 lbs. food has always been my comfort and I don't know how to not want that.

I have found great support through my hospital and a group called SHARE. You should find out if there is a SHARE group near you. They support women who have lost babies at any stage of pregnancy or as infants. Their website is Share Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support Inc..

You can also feel free to PM me and I'll give you my email address so we can chat if you'd like. I have lots of links, blogs, and other resources I can send you.

[MyDay2Shine 1]

I am so sorry for your loss. This weekend one year ago (does that make sense?) I experienced my second miscarriage. I think of my lost babies, sometimes often, especially around the time they would have been due, and the time they were lost. I think things like "I should have a five year old and a six month old". It was because of losing that second baby I decided to get banded. I believe that my pregnancy losses may be weight/PCOS related. I do have the most amazing 10 year old daughter and she did bring me great comfort during both losses. Holding her close and tight did help me. My husband was also very kind and comforting to me, however he was also hurting, and it hurt me to see him hurting so much. I admit that after both of my losses I turned to food for comfort.

I'm sorry you and your family are going through this. I'm also sorry that hospital staff was so misguided in offering you words of comfort. I'm an OB nurse and we all have at least some training on what is and isn't helpful for families experiencing losses at all stages of pregnancy. The problem with OB nurses being the ones that are trained in pregnancy loss, is that OB is the last place to send a grieving mother.

Now, if you don't mind sharing, the OB nurse in me really wants to know why your doc feels you are at risk for miscarriages and difficulties getting pregnant after your son?Those are strong words for such a young woman. It makes sense to me that your pregnancies would be high risk because of the previous pre-eclampsia. Did you know that weight loss can help reduce complications like pre-eclampsia? I'm not insinuating your doc is wrong, I'm just trying to understand, I work in a very low risk environment. Anyways I wish I could reach out across my screen and hug you and your family. Best of luck to you and I am so sorry for your loss.

[Tameka1981 0]

I had a m/c last year in jul and prior to that at 19wks in 2001, I know what you going through, It's tough I know. But we have to pull ourselves through. My husband is in the army too. You are not alone, contact me anytime.

[mothermary 0]

Hi Holli,

I am so sorry for your loss. I have had miscarriages (long before the band). I lost my first son 24 years ago. The person who spoke to you in the hospital is obviously not educated in grief counseling. I am a nurse who has worked with women with high risk pregnancies and also worked with women who have had losses. It takes time to deal with the loss of a baby. You will not sleep, eat or think logically for a while. That's normal. It's grief. I remember the sound that came from my body when I lost my son - it's primal. Not everyone grieves the same way or for the same time. It must be hard not having your husband there. Try to find a support group. Sharing with others who have been through it helps. They won't say the stupid things that woman in the hospital said.

Your baby was precious and important. Your age or the fact that you have a child does not change the fact that you lost your baby. I don't know of your beliefs, but I will say a little prayer for your baby. Take care of yourself.