Is anyone keeping their surgery a secret?

[Brighton Belle 0]

I am keeping my band a secret from most people around me and after reading this thread from start to finish I am sure it is the right decision for me.

I am a health professional and am also self-paying as this is not an NHS option in the UK unless one has a really high BMI etc. My BMI was only 37 and was going up but I thought-why wait? My feet hurt now, my self-esteem is going down as I get fatter, I am snoring worse now ...

The only people that know are close family and three people at work that needed to know and they were very supportive.

Being in a position where I sometimes give advice about weight-loss there could be issues about this - but what the hell, it is my life and I think I am entitled to some privacy.

This thread has been brilliant. One bit that really struck home was a post from earlier on about the idea that we are cheating from Cathy in Georgia. She said

"But if anybody ever says you're cheating consider telling them this:

If I had a heart condition and a mechanical device or a valve transplant would help my heart keep working you wouldn't say I cheated. If I lost a leg and wore a prosthetic, you wouldn't say I cheated. How can doing something that HELPS me to not suffer be cheating? Remember that I still have the responsibility for what goes into my mouth .... bad choices or good ones. I still have to decide whether or not to get out of the bed at 5:00 AM to walk/run/skip 4 miles before I get ready for work. Explain to me how that is cheating. "

This has been a brilliant thread with lots of food for thought.

[Oliverdog 0]

Hi All, I have only told my husband as I needed to discuss it with him, and he would know anyway once it had been done! He was great just said he didnt want me to loose too much, as I did the Lighterlife diet and he thinks I looked too thin, obviously put it all back on again and more!!

Talked to two of my friends a couple of weeks ago, all three of us are overweight, one was ok but the other was not very nice, not sure if she was jealous? So when I met up again with them told them I was undecided so they both were nice and seemed happier with me. funny things friends.....

I have sworn my husband to secrecy and not to tell my daughters as they will all lecture me... I will tell them I am doing it naturally, until after a couple of glasses of wine - when I have lost quite a lot I might own up!!

How the world makes us feel guilty about being overweight and then trying to loose weight the best way we can is beyond me..... Cant wait...

:tongue2:

[amwash23 1]

I have only told my 3 closest friends and my mom and aunt and have sworn them all to secrecy. I haven't even told my boss, they just think I am taking vacation...I'd rather do that than explain why I need to use a week of sick time!! I just hate to have everyone in my business and my boss is the biggest gossip of the bunch, and also because there is someone else in the office who has already been banded and I notice how everyone (myself included) analyzes every single thing that she puts in her mouth. I will say though, that it has been good watching her because I know not what to do....she lost weight at first, but has not been losing anymore and almost looks like she is gaining. I have never seen her eat a vegetable and though I don't know how she manages she eats larger portions and the wrong foods. She claimed she would get re-motivated once her daughter had her gastric bypass surgery but its been 2 months and we haven't noticed any changes in her eating.....sheesh, I feel like a gossip :thumbdown:....but it's only the stuff I have picked on and the things I have promised myself I won't do. I say if you want to tell people it's up to you...but if you choose to shout it out on the roof tops to everyone, make sure you actually stick with!!

[Dan5099 0]

Other than my wife and closest friend, I'm telling everyone that I'm having hernia surgery. Don't ask me why. I don't know.

[thinin10 0]

I haven't kept it a secret but almost wish I had except for close friends and family. My opinion- it's none of their business. As far as your jealous freinds..again, my opinion but you need to surround yourself with every positive thing to can to achieve success and if they're not going to be part of the solution, then they will part of the ongoing problem. They can still be friends of course... but until you've got your "sea legs", I would try to find more supportive people. Jealous people tend to be the ones that think this is a quick fix and required no personal work or sacrifice.. SO far from the truth!

[Grandma26 1]

Before surgery I only told my husband! My daughters were upset that I didn't let them know I was having surgery, but this was something I wanted to keep quiet. Since the surgery I have only told a few of my immediate family members. People tend not to undersatnd we can eat anything we want, just in very small portions. They also think just because we had surgery the weight will fall off and we don't have to work at it, which as you know is not the case. I don't need anyone's opinion as to why they "would never" have WLS, they can do it on their own......sure they can! lol

[Sluggo 0]

Yes I am keeping it a secret. I'm not telling co-workers, friends, family, and will wait until the last minute to tell my wife. Several years ago I lost a lot of weight - only to gain it back. Everyone asked - did you get "the surgery"? Like my effort didn't count as though I cheated because I got "the surgery." Well I didn't but I am now once I get past the demons at AL BCBS. I don't want anyone's unsolicited opinion, approval, or condemnation because I got "the surgery." This is for me and it takes just as much, if not more, courage, determination, and effort that only others in the same situation would understand.

[Sooverit! 1]

I say in this case ....losing weight the big American past time...and everyone is an expert...Keep it to yourself. No one except close family needs to know, unless you feel comfortable telling them and could use the support~!

[untfluter 3]

I was banded on May 19th... I had a guy that I went out w/like two times who then disappeared, he emails me out of the blue.. I can't remember if I had already had the surgery or had my surgery date... anyway, so I tell him that I'm having/had the surgery and his response was I don't think you should do it... I've heard that it doesn't work/is a bad thing and whatever happened to doing it the natural way....

I was like WTF!! Who the HELL are you to say that to me??? You don't even KNOW me enough to have an opinion like that... I ripped him a new one and I never heard from him again... good riddance to bad rubbish...

but I didn't hide this from anyone.. hell, I was ALL over Facebook w/this both before and after my surgery... the way I look at it.. I have nothing to be ashamed about in having this surgery...I think I should be proud that I took this step to become healthy... that I admitted that I needed the help to take this weight off once and for all and keep it off....

Good luck and don't EVER feel ashamed for taking this journey....

It seems like EVERY TIME I diet someone has opinions about the way I'm doing things, it's so annoying! I really want to keep this one to myself and find it hard not saying anything to anyone. I keep telling myself that once its out then everyone will know and keep an eye on me. If there is any issues then I'm sure I will hear it.

How do you guys not tell people without lying? Ive told two of my closest friends and they aren't really support since they are fat too and are jealous/think its too drastic

[Sluggo 0]

To untfluter:

Good for you for your response to that guy! I like that. I still prefer to keep things quiet. What will I say when asked? Well in my case I am known to be pretty sarcastic and it is a benifit of being old and crabby. I'll dust off the same smart ass responses I used to such as "I just found that smoking crack helps me keep the weight off" off "You know I can't explain it but ever since I was with that hooker several months ago, the weight just falls off." I have several more and they understand the real answer is NONE YA! I don't consider saying you are on a diet after banding a lie either because you will be watching what you consume.

[untfluter 3]

Thanks Sluggo.. and you made me laugh w/your responses... LOL

as for my response to that guy... I have done a lot of internet dating.. and I am on SEVERAL dating websites that cater to BBW and the men who like us... I have had guys who stopped talking to me once I told them about the surgery.. and I don't regret telling them because it helps weed out the guys who are just looking to f**k a fat chick... I want someone who wants to be w/me for ME... not because I am a fat chick... if you happen to like me bigger but can handle that I am not going to be big the rest of my life and want to know me for ME.... then by all means, let's keep talking and getting to know each other because I am the same person fat or thin.. that will NEVER change....

To untfluter:

Good for you for your response to that guy! I like that. I still prefer to keep things quiet. What will I say when asked? Well in my case I am known to be pretty sarcastic and it is a benifit of being old and crabby. I'll dust off the same smart ass responses I used to such as "I just found that smoking crack helps me keep the weight off" off "You know I can't explain it but ever since I was with that hooker several months ago, the weight just falls off." I have several more and they understand the real answer is NONE YA! I don't consider saying you are on a diet after banding a lie either because you will be watching what you consume.

[realtruelady 0]

I have just started my process and have alot of appt dates scheduled. My supervisor at work wanted to know if everything was ok and I just informed her that it was personal. You really don't have to tell people your business. Even when I recieve my surgery date the answer will still remain personal. If after the surgery they question how I eat, I will say that this is what I feel like eating. Just like Sluggo, I can be a bit of a smart ass so they wont ask me too many times after. Only my family and my best friend know about my surgery and I feel it is my right to keep my business mines.

[Padanelle 2]

I was so excited about having the surgery I told absolutely EVERYONE. I only had one negative reaction (why don't you do it on your own), but everyone else was supportive, and told me about someone they knew of who had WLS and had great success.

There are a few friends who I didn't get around to telling, and when I see them I am eager to hear their reaction. What surprises me is that they usually don't mention anything, and I have to bring it up. I've lost 40 @$*!(%# pounds - how could you not say anything! One friend told me she couldn't figure out what was different about me, another that she thought I might be sensitive over it if she said something. What overweight person wouldn't want to be told they look like they lost weight!!! Now I'm not saying I need to have compliments on my weight loss - cause I already feel very proud of myself, and feel great - but it sure would be nice...

[cruzlady 0]

I am not telling anyone and once I start losing , I will tell them that I am using an age old remedy --

I am keeping my mouth shut and maybe they should try it .

OR

Maybe we should tell people we are on the "JUNK FOOD" diet and sticking to it faithfully and maybe they should try it .

Edited September 17, 2009 by cruzlady

[OnTheWay to Thin 0]

I so agree with you, I have lost enough now that when I went shopping this weekend I went to penneys, I fit a size 20 pants and size 1 x top! wow that was cool and so much cheaper, I bought cords, at LB they would have been 40+ per pair, at penneys they were 22 each, tops were 10-15 each, cant wait to get to large and size 18!