Spouse supporting a bandster

[mt_n_bz 0]

Hi...I am curious if I am the only spouse on here. Is there a group to join to chat with? My wife and I are over a year into the journey and have not found the success that other bandsters have found. I would really like to get some tips and suggestions on how I can help the love of my life get to where she wants to be. I would appreciate any and all nice responses but no negative posts please.

[RestlessMonkey 7]

My husband is very supportive but doesn't post. I sincerely enjoy his help (as in eating what I eat) but I wouldn't want the food police.

I think it's sweet you want to help your wife but can't she post? That would probably be of more help to her...she can get to the problems from her perspective and maybe get customized help!

[mt_n_bz 0]

Thanks for responding. My wife is registered here and post infrequently. The bad thing is that she has been met with alot negative comments on her struggle to make this work. I'm just not sure what to do to help. I lack the energy to be an excercise partner.

[ParrotheadCathy 0]

You say you lack the energy to be an exercise partner. I know personally the one thing I would love to have more than anything is a walking partner! Walking is good exercise, you should not walk so fast that you can't carry on a conversation so it's a great social time and it costs nothing to do...in these financial times, something free that's good is not to be sniffed at! Okay, you say, but I don't think I can do that. Well, tell her you will walk with her until you feel that must turn around. Every time you go out, try to walk a little further. You will benefit from this AND SO WILL SHE. You will get stronger, and she will feel that you are making a big effort for her and that should inspire her, too! Do you cook at all? You can cook simple meals and surprise her and provide meals that are within "the plan" and maybe even provide some leftovers that can then provide a healthy lunch the next day. Example? Grill chicken, steak or lean pork OR FISH. There is a flat thingie with small holes to put fish on on top of the grill grid. Spray it with PAM so the fish doesn't stick. Grill vegetables! Some fruits even taste better grilled because it intensifies the flavor! Experiment. A little leftover steak can be added to salad greens with some sauteed mushrooms and low fat or fat free Salad Dressing. Instant lunch. Support isn't complicated. Reward her with a surprise now and then. There's a thread here somewhere about rewarding yourself. I suggested a nice (though certainly not ostentatious) piece of jewelry at 50 pounds. Maybe a silver (or gold, if you can afford it) charm Bracelet with just one charm on it. Then add to it every 5 or 10 pounds. Silver would make more frequent charms more affordable. And what a nice surprise to have you pick these out for her! Love is the best support of all, my friend!

[RestlessMonkey 7]

That's assuming exercise is the reason she's not losing.

I can't address the "negativity" you say she's encountered...most people here are fairly nice but some are harsh (tough love as it were)

I really think this is something SHE needs to do...if not finding help here, then maybe the support group at her surgeon's office. She's the one who ultimately controls what she eats and what she does and in my experience it's what's going on between her two ears that is the vital part of weight loss. You honestly can't really impact it much. Maybe she should try again, posting and getting some help

And actually she can send me a "pm" (Private message) and I'll help her if I can.

Edited May 17, 2009 by RestlessMonkey

[gone 4 ever 6]

I am sorry to hear that your wife has had a negative experience on here. Most of us are very supportive. I commend you for helping her. You must love her very much. I have to agree that she needs to come back on here. Maybe you both come on together. I don't know why your wife isn't doing well. We definitely need more information. Please bring her back on so we can try to help.

Take care.

[ParrotheadCathy 0]

Monkey, I certainly did not intend for it to sound like exercising with his wife would be the end all of support. It was one of several things to do and I still say it's a good one. But my other suggestions are things I've talked about with other bandsters and I think they are excellent ways of showing support.

[nf1074 0]

I have to agree with mostly everyone on here so far, your wife needs to get on here more often. So sorry to hear she was confronted with negative feedback. I think it’s great that you are trying to support her, but ultimately she is the one that needs to make changes if needed or get help. your support will only help her succeed.

[bcassaro 0]

Hi...I am curious if I am the only spouse on here. Is there a group to join to chat with? My wife and I are over a year into the journey and have not found the success that other bandsters have found. I would really like to get some tips and suggestions on how I can help the love of my life get to where she wants to be. I would appreciate any and all nice responses but no negative posts please.

Agreed. I feel like I am alone too, I am having a tough time finding spouse specific information.

[jj jones 0]

I am in a similar predicament. My wife had surgery almost three months ago and is making incredible progress. In order for our insurance to cover the surgery, she had to go through physician supervised weight loss. She started that around April and is on the cusp of hitting the 100 lb. mark. She has done an amazing job and I am so proud of her.

Unfortunately, it seems as if the more success she is having, the worse off our marriage is getting. I never imagined this would put such a strain on our marriage. I have been reading the statistics involving divorce after weight loss surgery and it is not very reassuring. I have searched the 'net for anything close to a spousal support group for lap band patients. No success so far. I registered for this forum hoping to find something.