Confiding in family is a bummer

[heatherfeather 0]

Thanks guys. I really appreciate all of you. It is so nice to get some encouragment. I just wish my sister was more open minded because we are so close. I love her to death and don't want to lie to her, but if it comes up again, I am probably going to tell her I changed my mind about the whole thing (she's so sharp though she'll probably figure it out). At least my husband has been pretty supportive. He is in really good shape and feels bad that I am struggling with this. He is in the national guard and is in Iraq. He will be back July 2006. It would feel so good to have lost this weight by the time he returns. When I think about that side of the coin, it makes me feel a little better.

[kat72 0]

heather, I am experiencing a similar situation with one of my best friends. For some reason she thinks that I would be taking the 'easy' way out if I chose weight loss surgery over doing it the 'old fashioned' way (which she as well as myself have done before only to have the weight creep its way right back up the scales). Everyone on this site has given me the most support and encouragement than I could ask for. You do what you have to do, and worry about the rest later. At least that is what I'm trying to do. I have decided that I will not mention weight loss surgery AT ALL to my friend any longer; it is now off the board, and when she brings it up, as she always does, I will simply tell her that nothing is really going on with it. I've always told her that I was considering it. I am hoping that she either gets the hint that I will not share info with anyone who I consider to be a negative influence, or maybe she will think that I have given up on surgery altogether. I'll worry about the rest later. I am grateful that I have my mother's support since hers is the only opinion that really matters to me. Be happy that you have a wonderful hubby who supports you 100%. Take care, and keep your chin up.

[Jachut 487]

I think the thing is too people who are not obese simply do not understand the head issues and the absolutely insurmountable barrier you are up against. People who are obese and still think you can do it yourself have simply not faced their own issues honestly.

The more I've thought about it the more I've realised you cant cure obesity, you can only manage it. And the band (and other WLS) is really our only tool for this at the current time. I'd rather do something physical to my body that doesnt change its functioning than take medication to achieve that artificially. Tenuate, Duromine, Xenical, Reductil etc (things my mother has suggested) are not an option in my book.

[Kelliebelly 13]

I am different..I would just go ahead and do it without mentioning to her again, you gave her the chance to give you support. As you start losing weight and she starts gaining it again mention it to her that you had the band put in X amount of months ago and it is going wonderfully for you *voice dripping with sarcasm*. I know I am a biatch, I cant help it lol.

Good Luck

[loopylou 0]

hehehe Kel, thats what I longed to do to my Mother!!! Just show up (in SA) with 50 less kgs and watch the reaction, and THEN break it to her. Unfortunately it didn't workout that way ..., but nevermind, things are ok as is.

Heather,

It think there are probably several reasons why your sister could be against the band or perhaps, more specifially, YOU having the band:

* She's angry she didn't think of it first. ( na-na-ne-na-na)

* She is worried about you having surgery. (fair enuff - surgery is serious stuff)

* She's feeling a smidge self-righteous and preachy after her current success ('ALL HAIL THE ALL-POWERFUL JENNYC ....ATKINS ....WHEATGRSS ENEMA- or fill in relevant deity) Sadly we too (yes even us at LBT) get into the habit of developing a slimness god/dess, and naming it "band" and we can be just as self righteous sometimes.

* She is really frightened of gaining back all her weight, falling off the wagon, and wants some company when she does so (I'm not saying she's vindictive or anything, if she is feeling this its probably sub-consciously).

* She wants you to validate her choice and wants you to follow in her footsteps, so she can feel that she has helped you too.

Soooooo, I think I would be tempted to say something like "Hey, I am so proud of you, I think you have done a wonderful job losing weight and really hope that this lifestyle change lasts for you. But for me, I cant face the thought of yo-yoing anymore. I need to know that this time it is 'for real' and by having this surgery I am drawing a line in the sand. I know I am doing something rather drastic, but it is what I need right now and I would really like your support, infact, I need your support. Please dont worry about me, but know that I am doing what I know to be the right thing for me."

And if she doesn't support you after that, add "Dont worry you can always have the band too if you weight comes back on" :devious And then simply refuse to go into it anymore.

I would, however, give her brief factual statements (eg. I am having surgery on Wednesday) but then refuse to say anymore about it (unless she has confirmed that she can provide you with the support you have asked for at this point) and then change the subject.

Just my thoughts on the matter, good luck whatever you decide to do. And know that we are always here for you

[fee 0]

and yeah i totally agree with kellie

[CandySmooch 0]

I too decided to NOT tell anyone besides 2 close friends who I know don't judge me, my boyfriend and my mom & stepdad. Surprisingly the roughest person has been my boyfriend. My mom was all for it. He and I have been together a little under 2 years and he has given me mixed support. At first he didn't want me to do it because i haven't really "tried" then it was if this is going to make me happy then he's all for it. But since having the surgery I've heard the " I don't know why you couldn't have done it on you own - I would have been there helping you every step" where i flat out told him I'd done it all before and nothing worked and he'd reply with I've been with you for 2 years and have never seen you "try" to do anything on your own. in which I'd again state yea I'd given up and was bound to be what I was until I found this. Mostly he's supportive - but once in awhile it gets brought up that I haven't "tried" and it pisses me off to no end. I'm happy with not telling anyone else - if I could've gotten away with having it done and not telling my boyfriend I think I would have but that was impossible. I know one thing that he was pissed off that I didn't discuss any of this with him beforehand - I just came home one day and told him I'd like to have it done and my mom was going to use my education fund for it and asked what he thought. He wanted to be consulted before I went to my mom but my thinking was why discuss it with him if it wasn't a possible reality first. I kinda see his point - but he needs to see mine! We'll see how it goes - I don't mean to bash him because besides those few minor comments he's been really great about everything else.