Confiding in family is a bummer

[heatherfeather 0]

I am really close with one of my sisters. She used to be overweight, but she lost most of her weight this year. I told her that I was seriously thinking about getting the band. Her reaction was so discouraging for me. She said that I hadn't really "tried" changing my eating and exercise habits. That if I'd "tried" I would have lost this weight and wouldn't have to get the band. I also told her not to tell anyone of my intentions - I'm a little embarassed. She said that if I am going to do this, that I should "own" it (i.e. tell everyone). The more I tried to convince her it was a good idea, the more she dug in her heels and debated it with me. I feel really disappointed and discouraged. I wanted to confide in her and now wish that I could take back telling her. I feel like lying to her and saying that I changed my mind about the band even though I still want to go through it. I'm just really disappointed and wanted to vent.

[ReneBean 3]

Sounds like your sister wants you to suffer like she did to lose the weight... Or she is just still riding high from her success and thinks that anybody can do it.

Try to remember that everyone is different. What worked for her may not work for you - and I am assuming that you have tried numerous plans, as we all have.

Sorry your sis won't support you in this - but maybe she will be more supportive after the deed is done. She might just be worried for you.

HUGS!

[Carrie Daniels 0]

I didn't tell anyone in my family except my husband. I didn't want to be judged either. My step-daughter had a friend that got the gastric bypass and she just couldn't understand why her friend was "taking the easy way out" My mom would be much like your sister and I sure don't want my brother's wives knowing. I just wouldn't bring it up anymore. It is hard not to talk about it, but the board has always given me enough support.

Good Luck,

Carrie

222/206/125

7/25/05

[LilAngel 0]

Sounds like your sister wants you to suffer like she did to lose the weight... Or she is just still riding high from her success and thinks that anybody can do it.

How horrible. I think ReneBean is right on this one. I just have hopes that when you are feeling healthier and looking great, your sister will find having that in common will kill the great debate. I’m so sorry this had to happen. It was a HUUUUUGE fear of mine with my sister. Luckily, by the time I spilled the Beans, her best friend had just gone through the surgery and was doing fantastically and my sis realized it was a good thing. It was an interesting coincidence because we live 2000 miles apart and I had no idea any of that had happened. Anyway, HUGS!

[My_o_My 0]

When I told my sister, I let her know that it wasn't her secret to tell, it was mine, and when I wanted to share I would. I would share it with whom I wanted to share it with.

Much the same way that if she did something good or bad, and it was a secret, I cannot go around our community feeling I have the right to disclose it to everyone because if she's going to do it - she should own it (her lie, her overdrawn account, an affair, a messy house, a fight with a child or a spouse).

If your sister thinks she has absolutely nothing that she wouldn't want revealed to everyone - she needs to think again.

If I were you I would tell her you weren't going to have it done, do it anyway, and tell her you're just 'eating like you had it done' and trying to do it the old fashioned way. If she won't support you - don't let her know - don't confide in her.

If you don't tell her, she will NEVER know. You'll recover quick enough, and you can just go 'on a diet' - how would she know any differently?

[Marimaru 7]

It's hard wanting to talk to your siblings about something and not being able to. I would go the route of trying not to bring it up again. If it comes up, you might say you changed your mind and have it done anyway, but then later you might have to have the conversation about why you lied, which is also hard.

Hope it works out. Siblings can be the biggest pain.

[La_madam 20]

"taking the easy way out"

Anyone who thinks getting the band is the easy way out is crazy.

There is nothing easy about this, you can still eat around the band,you still have head issues , it does not cure emotinal eating, you can still NOT exercise, you can have complications ( I know I have) You have to give up certain things like carbonation and NO drinking with meals, small bites and chew your food to death, vomiting on a piece of food that is not chewed well enough, sliming, golf ball pain in your chest, reflux at night etc...nothing easy about this and anyone who tries to tell you otherwise, tell them to walk in your shoes for a while.

[Jachut 487]

This is really hard isnt it. I've told my mum and dad and its knocked my mum absolutely for six, she's so upset. Not that I'm going to do it, she's supportive of that but she's absolutely shattered at what she perceives I've gone through that she never realised. My dad is really upset too. They think that maybe they've contributed, done something wrong when I was a child, what could they have done differently that I not have had this happen to me kind of thing.

I'm really not looking forward to telling the IL's. Doug's mother drives me insane, she was a nurse 25 years ago and thinks she knows every surgeon in Melbourne, she has an obsession with seeing the "top" doctors for everything. Rather than sympathise at my recurrent corneal ulcer problems (have had surgery on my eye recently and need laser surgery in the next few weeks) she started crapping on about how Karen over the road saw mr So and So and he's the ONLY guy to see and the rest are butchers and she'll ask Laurel and get me his name (yawn, blah blah blah). Doug had to get cross with her and tell her to back off. Then Doug told her he's thinking of laser vision correction surgery and she went off the deep end "people go blind from that, blah blah blah".

So she'll have kittens when I tell her my news. I know her heart's in the right place but it really really gets up my nose how she thinks being a nurse back in the dark ages means she knows everything about everything.

[Angeleyes 1]

Heather , I told my husband, one of my children and one close friend. I am so glad that I didn't say anything to anyone else. I have been a slow loser and don't really want to talk about my personal life or explain why I haven't lost more weight. It would make me feel more stress.

[My_o_My 0]

NONE of my in laws know - why should they? I told my boss at work, my parents (who were concerned but are now fine) and my sister (who lovingly told me she was jealous). My sister told her husband (naughty girl) but other than that, I've told really no one - other than a stray person here or there.

No one needs to know if you don't want them to.

[sunnykim 0]

Thats the thing that i dislike people are going to judge you for having surgery... Most see it as the "easy" way to lose wieght... I deal with it every day... Im 20 and everyone tells me oh your too young for surgery... Screw what your sister thinks go with whats best for you.. I had surgeryJuly 30 and i could care what people think.... Tell her to mind her own

Kim

[nickie456 0]

If I could back up time I would not tell anyone. I think everyone in my town knows I have the band. I feel so much stress. you would not believe it, seems like everytime I walk out my door someone is asking well how much weight have you lost. The phone rings and its someone wanting to know how much weight I have lost. The worst thing of all is I've lost 25lbs in less than five weeks have no fill yet and they look at me like I haven't lost enough. Because they know so little about the band they think I should be losing like I had the gastric bypass. Please be smart and don't tell anyone.

[Jachut 487]

I cant imagine how I could not tell my IL's - we live near them they're a regular part of our lives. They would certainly notice if I was in hospital or recovering from surgery and they would more than certainly notice the liquid/mushy phase of the diet!

[theresa2mum 0]

I agree Jachut. As much as my initial feeling was to tell no-one...when I thought about the day to day stuff, there were people who simply would notice that something was different/wrong. So I've told those people, but expressed a need to keep this private. One close friend was so relieved when I did share the news, because she had been secretly really worried for me. I didn't realise during the 'finding out' stage I had mentioned the odd doctors appointment - she thought I was sick I wasn't telling anybody. So that confirmed for me that people we are close to pick up on more than we realise AND YES...several people would have 'noticed' the liquid/mushy stage lol.

[Parvathi 2]

She'll come around, when she sees you becoming healthier and happier.

Right now she probably feels like because she could do it on her own, you should be able to. That's not necessarily true (or atleast I know it wasn't for me). Unfortunately, when you lose weight through dieting, you're predisposed to gain it back, mainly because diets are so restrictive - they're not a life/health change and people won't stick with them forever. With the band, that's so much less likely to happen.

Try to keep your chin up and if you know this is something that's right for you, bugger what the rest think. We're all here if you need to vent.