Haven't Told Everyone! May 21, 09 Banding Date! Need some help. Please write back

Juliewants2bthinner · May 16, 2009

Hi Everyone,

My surgery is a week away... well 5 Days now...since I'm still up. Nervous as I don't know what.

I have been doing great on my pre op diet until today. It was my sister's birthday and we took her out I had bread and salade and felt so sick I threw up. I also felt gulity.(But that's another story.

The guilt mostly comes from not telling everyone I will be having surgery. I have told my parents and my sister. Have not informed my cousin who is like a sister because of fear she may tell her parents and the word may get all over the family.

See my sister had Gastric Bypass about 10 years ago and although she did great losing over 285 lbs. she is and was constantly judged. I really do not want this to be my life. After she got down to the 100's she became pregnant after being told there was absolutely No way she would ever conceive. Needless to say she has a Beautiful 6 year old now.

She has gained a little weight which she is constantly dieting off. Family and Friends often ask why did you gain weight after you lost it all she is only 20 lbs away from the weight she was when the family and friends made her feel too skinny and anorexic (Which she was not EVER).

I guess my fear is not being able to live up to what they will feel the surgery should be. I also, have not gone into full details with my husband. Only telling him I am seeking ways to be healthier and preparing my body to one day become a mother. He knows I plan on having something done on Thursday...but what .?, has not been reviled.

If anyone has had this problem or has been dealing with anything simular, please write back.

Scorpioqt · May 16, 2009

i must say i've experienced the same problem you have and that is not telling anyone....only 3 people know that i've had this surgery and 1 of them found out by accident. i've tried having this surgery 2 times before and both times have let my parents talk me out of it. so, then i finally decided to do it before my insurance approval expired. i'm blessed that the surgery went great and i came out of it w/hardly no pain. like you, i dont want to be judged or asked why are you eating this or that and constantly asked how much weight have you lost. so, i understand how you feel. i'm so excited for you and your surgery and i cant wait for our weight loss and healthy lifestyle success!! good luck to you!!

sailorChristy · May 16, 2009

Grrrrrrr. This type of situation really gets me steamed. I really feel for you, hon. I hope that the following doesn't sound like a lecture, as that is not my intent. :lol:

First of all, this is not a cosmetic procedure. It's a treatment to resolve morbid obesity and all the accompanying (and deadly) health issues that go along with it. Would these folks prefer that you keel over from a heart attack at age 50? That's pretty much what the choice comes down to for many of us here.

This procedure, like any other medical treatment, is your decision and your decision alone. Please don't let yourself be swayed by the people around you. The people who discourage you from proceeding - or give you grief after surgery - are either envious of you, have poor self-esteem, or afraid for your safety. If it's the latter, I'm sure you are armed with plenty of information about the low risk of the procedure to help reassure them. If it's one of the first two, all you can do is love them to the best of your ability while refusing to hear any negative comments about what you're doing or have done.

This is all just one gal's opinion, though, and I sure hope I haven't offended you with my little rant. :scared2: I really feel for you, doll. It's such a shame that those to whom you are closest are trying to steal your sister's joy... and now yours.

Your fellow Banditos are here for you, 'kay? Please keep in touch.

GonnaRide · May 16, 2009

I echo what the other girls say. However, I'm going to throw in my .02, so take it for what it's worth.

Tell your husband. Even if you preface it with something like "I've made this decision, and my mind is made up. I'm not asking for your approval or for you to try and talk me out of this. This is something I've thought long and hard about, and I need to do this for me. But I want to tell you what I'm doing, because it is surgery and I'm going to need your help, your unconditional love and support."

He lives with you. He loves you (I would hope!) and is there for you. Even if he doesn't agree with you having it done, he should support you emotionally and physically.

My doc's orders were not to lift anything heavier than a gallon of milk, which I think is pretty standard for after this procedure. At my house, that means a lot of times I have to get my husband to do it for me.

I totally understand not wanting to deal with the negativity from outsiders, but I personally feel like you should tell your husband. I know my husband would be having a fit if I was having surgery for something and not telling him why, because he'd be worried sick. Yours is probably pretty worried, too.

Kudos to you for making this decision on your own, regardless of what anyone else thinks. It's not an easy decision, and you're so strong to do this for you!

Crazylady · May 17, 2009

I agree! Tell your husband... and also let him know that you aren't telling anyone because you have made this personal decision for YOURSELF and am not open to other opinions. I am SO proud of you! It was a tough choice to make when I have so much support, so to do it without takes SO much courage! You obviously have the strength and tenacity to do this and I look forward to hearing of your great success. What your family has put your sister through is amazing. I would avoid that too! But if you should find yourself under crossfire, I would just tell them that if you were interested in what they thought, you would have consulted them BEFORE surgery. Good luck, my dear!

sailorChristy · May 17, 2009

I've gotta chime back in here and agree that you've really got to tell your husband. :-)

Juliewants2bthinner · May 17, 2009

Hi,

Thank you all very much for your advice.

Scorpioqt, SailorChristy, GonnaRide, & Crazylady....

You will all be happy to know that after reading this I have spoken to my Husdband.

Thank you all, I don't feel so alone because my Banditos are with me on my journey.

GonnaRide · May 17, 2009

Yay! I hope he was supportive and gave you a great big hug and told you it was all going to be okay.

You totally did the right thing. :rolleyes2:

LindaD · May 17, 2009

I suppose I'm the complete opposite. I've been very open. I don't want this to be some hush-hush people speculating about how I finally lost the weight (when I do) and I don't want to feel like a fraud acting as if I was able to do this without the surgical tool I'm seeking.

For me (and I wouldn't expect everyone to feel this way), I'd rather stand up against the mis-perceptions about obesity surgery. I have already told the people at work - those who report to me - and have told them they are free to share it with anyone they wish, or if someone asks about it, they can say "Oh, she had that LapBand surgery."

I refuse to be defensive about it. The odds of me losing it and keeping it off without some sort of tool were said to be around 2% (this from my doctor). I don't think we should begrudge ANYONE who faces a 2% chance of success whatever tools or strategies they find that may help them. And this issue has to do with our very LIVES - the risk we face of heart attack, diabetes, etc.

I know some people are very private and cannot take the judgment or having to fight that good fight. But it has to be done, so for those of us willing, we should. We should be open and not defensive and educate and explain to people.

I deplore that "easy way out" attitude. Easy way out my foot. You still have to change your eating and do the exercise. You still have to give up the bad foods and embrace the good ones. And now you HAVE to because if you don't, it could cause you issues. It forces you to do what you should be doing.

Saying it's easy is like saying "If you lose weight and exercise while someone has a gun to your head, that's the easy way out." This whole belief about it being easy is such a misconception.

(Sorry - I went on a bit of a rant there. :thumbup::rolleyes2:

sailorChristy · May 18, 2009

This is such a helpful thread. Thanks for sharing.

First, how did things go when you talked to your hubby? Are you feeling better about things?

Second, Linda you have inspired me to stop being so mysterious with my team. My boss, fellow manager, and a couple members of my team already know. I think I'm just going to stop being so secretive about it. I don't think it's because I am ashamed or embarassed. It's more about the way I usually share information freely, and I thought I'd try not to do that this time. ;-)

Juliewants2bthinner · May 18, 2009

Thanks SailorChristy. i went Great! I talked to him and he is supportive.

Thank you LindaD for sharing your experience. I understand your views on sharing information and educating others, however, for me it was the right thing to do. I am glad I started this thread to get other peoples feedback.

My surgery is in 4 Days I hope to see you all here before and after to share my feelings.