Emotions about surgery

[SpideyMom 1]

Wow, what great posts! I have felt everything that has been mentioned here -- and I've had the food dreams too! I was very depressed after having the surgery, and I had a session with a therapist about it. She said it was very normal to feel that way after major surgery. We are on the brink of a new life -- one that involves major changes. So it is normal to feel some sadness about so many things! I was really glad to hear that.

When I was in the hospital, I was lucky that I had wonderful nurses who were all very, very kind and supportive. What I didn't expect was to run into one of the ladies from the PTA!!!! She was my case manager! OMG, I was shocked. I didn't know she worked there! I was walking around the hall, and she and I just looked at each other with wide eyes. She said, "What are you doing here, Ann?" When I told her I had LapBand, she said, "Oh, that's great! Good for you! If you need anything, just let me know!" Wow, I was so relieved. I did have one nurse in the middle of the night, however, who told me she had had the Lap Band two years ago at a different hospital and how she lost 30 lbs and then gained it all back. She was very candid about how it really is a tool and that if you don't eat the right things, it won't work magic for you. She was still kind, though, and wished me luck.

It's great that we all have each other, I think, to lean on for support. What a wonderful group we have! :grouphug:

[GonnaRide 0]

I could have written any of these posts, I so understand. I only told my family, and my three closest friends. It's embarrassing for me to be overweight. I haven't always been. I was a size 6 when I got married. After my first child, I gained 100 lbs due to medical complications, and it's been a fight ever since. Not to mention an ex-husband who suddenly turned my weight issues post-baby into a way to mentally abuse me. Then he undermined everything I did to try and get healthy again. It was an abusive, physically and mentally, relationship and I was very young. What confidence I had in myself, he completely destroyed.

After the separation and divorce, I was dealing with PTSD and severe depression, and the weight had been there so long at that point, it wasn't my focus. Just getting to the next day was my concern. I had a lot of therapy, a lot of anti-depressants, and made some life changes.

Once I started being able to handle all of that, I started being more active. I started taking riding lessons with my daughter. I was so, so happy! There was something in my life I looked forward to every week! I started losing weight, being more active, bought a horse of my own and was down about 50 lbs. Without even "dieting." Then I injured my back (four tears in 3 discs in my lower back) in April 08, and started having gallbladder problems. The weight crept back on. I was (and still am) unable to walk for more than 15 minutes at a time because of the back pain.

I was stuck in this vicious cycle of "exercise" "I can't because my back is killing me" "gain weight because I can't exercise" and round and round. After over a year of this, something had to give. My back isn't going to heal. I'm not a surgical candidate. I'm living on narcotics just to get through the day. If the lap band can help me lose weight, so there's less pressure on my back, hopefully that will relieve some of the pain and I can get back to my life.

I'm also afraid I've put too much pressure on "the band" because I need it to be a huge, huge help to me. Mentally I'm completely ready, and had a farily decent lifestyle and eating habits. But once depression kicks in, I go downhill fast. And unless I can break this cycle, my back has no chance of less pain, and I'm going to balloon into a 500lb woman who has no desire to live. And that is SO not who I am inside.

I still question whether or not I should have done this, and I'm a week post-op. I guess it being such a major, life-changing decision, we always second guess our judgement. I'm trying to take it just a day at the time, make good choices now and let tomorrow happen when it gets here.

You all have been an inspiration to me, and I cannot thank you enough for being here and for pouring out your hearts and your thoughts to strangers on a forum. I sincerely appreciate all of you! :grouphug:

[SpideyMom 1]

GR, I know where you're coming from. I was thin when I got married the first time, and my wasband (as I like to call him) used to torment me about not gaining weight. Well, he was very abusive, and I ate for comfort. Then it just got worse from there. Within three years of marriage, I had put on 100 pounds. I became seriously, seriously depressed. I somehow got out of the marriage alive, but the weight has never come off completely. That was 15 years ago! Now I have so many health problems and take so many prescriptions, I have to keep a list in my wallet to keep track of everything.

I believe I've had every emotion in the book about having this WLS, and I keep coming back to the fact that I have to do this to get healthy. I had 8 doctors tell me so. That many can't be wrong!

Good luck to all of us! I'm glad to have found such a great group of people to turn to! :redface: