Negative/jealous Vibes From Others

[kat72 0]

I mentioned to a friend that I was interested in researching weight loss surgery several months ago, and she was extremely supportive and upbeat about it. However, the more appts. I get dealing with the surgery and the closer I get towards having this become a reality (hopefully), all of a sudden, she's telling me that she thinks that I shoud just try to do it with OA and without surgery. We had a conversation yesterday and she was not so supportive anymore. It bothered me A LOT!!! I tried to tell her that the OA and the weight loss surgery would be best for me (working them together) and she said that I should just do it the SLOW way with OA instead of jeopardizing my health. Then she got really negative and told me about how a woman shared her story at one of the meetings that I had missed. Apparently this woman shared that she had RNY a few months ago, and my friend told me that everyone immediately started giving her dirty looks as if she had done something wrong. She told me, "Yeah, you could tell that no one liked the fact that she had done that". I felt offended and replied by saying that maybe those people were just jealous. I could tell that I had hit a nerve, because, all of a sudden, there was silence on the other end of the phone. I feel so bad that everyone at the meeting was so judgemental and that my friend has turned a bit negative/jealous that I no longer wish to attend my meetings any more. I am having a hard time, because I want all of the support I can get. I feel as if she is trying to tell me that I am taking the 'easy' way out. Am I being overly sensitive because I am craving support at this time, or what? Have any of you experienced any situations similar to mine? Any advice would be greatly appreciated at this time.

[DevilMayKare 1]

Well, IF this were an EASY way out--why the hell not? Is there some reason you need to suffer as much as humanly possible to lose weight?

AND... it 'aint that easy. Wish it were.

[La_madam 20]

If it were that easy, there woldnt be an epidemic on obesity in the U.S.

People who are jelous are insecure about themselves, she may be in fear you will leave her in the dust once you lose your weight. I can bet if she was obese and had the chance to get the band she would, she may be jealous becasue you are getting the lap band and she is not .Dont let her sway you from your decision to a happier healthier life.

[divaliciousdee 0]

NO this is not the easy way out! I can Amen that one! Losing weight is hard we all have to work at this. The band is no quick fix it is a tool. Besides you can get more positive support here on this site than at a meeting with closeminded individuals!

[alatina 1]

just curious-is your friend also overweight and possibly financially unable to do it herself?Sounds like she is jealous that she cant get it done maybe.

I have a friend whos been acting like that lately and yesterday I asked her straight out what her problem was and she said nothing and I said well since surgery you been being a bitch and it seems like its over the surgery-after much debate she said yes she guessed she was-we worked it out and now all is cool-had to call her a snotty bitch a few times but hey what are friends for?lol

[vinesqueen 2]

Hi Kat, no I don't believe you are being overly sensitive about needing extra TLC. You are about to make a drastic and life altering step. This isn't "the easy way out." But then, many people like to turn weight into a moral failing.

[DeLarla 22]

Do me a favor. When you figure out why friends get jealous of you, please send me a PM or e-mail. It's not just with weight loss surgery, it's with anything you do to bette yourself. Heck, I've had girlfriends tell me outfits look cute on me when I know they look like crap. I've had friends encourage me to cut my bangs short like a Vulcan on Star Trek (like my big fat round face would support baby doll bangs.) Now a few friends are trying to sabotage my new business, but it's just giving me more power.

This might be hard to chew, but girl, WEED YOUR GARDEN. You'll know your true friends. If they aren't real friends, weed them out. If you make a mistake and weed out a good one, she'll grow back. Don't surround yourself with negativity. Move forward and upward. If you love this girl, talk to her and tell her how you feel. Either that or weed your garden!

[eh2965 0]

I have purposely not told most of my friends my plans for weight loss surgery. I don't like the negative vibes and Im just so happy and excited about my up coming surgery I don't want to hear any naysayers right now ! Im having my lap band placed next Thursday and I cannot wait to start living! I have only told my family so far not even my Husband's though ! I know they will watch me like a hawk cus they are overweight as well so too much pressure ! lol what if I don't do good ect...

[alatina 1]

yeah i tend to be in the group who tells no one-only people who know are my SO,1 sister(who can keep a secret like a steel trap) and 2 close friends-thats it-period.

[MerryHearted 20]

I haven't told any friends or coworkers. Just my husband and my parents for now. Although I can see how attending OA meetings and not mentioning that you have a band might feel dishonest, as your weight drops off and theirs doesn't. I have wondered about that since I've been thinking of attending a Thin Within support group. I'm not sure whether I'd mention the band or not.

[Jachut 487]

I've just been through having to justify what I'm doing to my mother, who's been away for 4 months so to her its news. I've shared with my friends and had no negative reactions but what I find frustrating is people who are only a little bit overweight saying stuff like "you can do it yourself" or "if you have to do all that headwork anyway, why not just do it yourself". My mother keeps suggesting Jenny Craig. None of these people know what it is to be obese or just what you have to overcome. Their intentions are good but it still drives me nuts.

And both my husband and my BIL were talking about how they "knew" how to lose weight, both have lost about 25kg in the past. When I respectfully pointed out that they had both regained it all they had excuses "oh, but I started work and stopped playing footy" that type of thing. If you havent kept the weight off then no, you werent successful, end of story.

Its MY body, they are MY issues and its MY decision. I dont care what anyone says about it or if anyone thinks I shouldnt do it.

[Pianoman 0]

I'm sure subconsciously, people think those who are overweight need to be "punished" for their lack of control. i.e. months of misery on a diet.

[katerzz 4]

I tell everyone I know.. even if I dont really know them. I guess being fat my whole life i stopped caring what people thought of me and realized all that matter was what I thought.

I would assume some ppl think its the easy way out.. one of my sister for sure. But frankily.. who cares? heh ive lost 60+ lbs and they can screw off as far as im concerned because the only person its changing.. is me. They were jerks to begin with if they even had any doubt i was making the wrong decision at the time I decided and did this surgery.

[wade64 0]

I also no what you are saying its bad when you have friend thats are jealous because you had the surgery .but me and a co-worker had it together and i tell you she has mention it to every one at work that still talks to her.how bad i look sense i have lost some of the weight all because shes jealous .i think she think i look better then her which i dont care .and what ever you do .i hope you feel good about it because if you worry about what people say about you .you would never leave your home.

[banded_for_life 2]

Kat, talk to your friend and tell her how you feel. If she doesn't say what you want to hear, let her go. Our journey is going to be personal and difficult with battling our own inner demons. We don't need outside forces tearing us down as well. We get that good enough from perfect strangers, we sure don't need it from "friends" as well.