Negative/jealous Vibes From Others

[Mita 2]

Wade64 I went through the same thing. I had my surgery 5 months after a girl here at work did and my weight came off alot faster than hers. She has since left this company but when she was here she told everyone who commented on how much I was losing what I did. Then she followed up by not talking to me anymore and ignoring me and I do believe talking befind my back.

Anyway back to the subject. Kat there are always going to be people around you weather they be your friends or not that are always going to try and bring you down with what ever choice you make to better yourself.. Stand tall and don't let them

[angiebell 0]

Wow, your friend just may be concerned for you. You should at least talk with her about the vibe you are getting from her and find out what she is thinking. She may have just been having a bad day.

I tell everyone about my surgery because I am proud of it. My friend had the surgery a month after me and she chooses to tell no one. That is her choice. She says I should be the spokesperson for the weightloss center because I am so open to share my experience. The way I see it, is that you can give other obese people hope that they can do something about their weight. So many people are uninformed about the lapband and once they see that it has not hurt you in any way but only helped you they usually say..."Can you get me some info on the surgery? I was always afraid to do anything like that because I've heard bad stories." We need to share the good side of how the lap band has made us feel better about ourself! Talk to your friend.

[Mrs Sabre 1]

I'm only telling a few people, mostly closest friends & family because I'm so early along in the process. I'm telling co-workers on a need to know basis. So far everyone has been very supportive. I hope that doesn't change.

I agree with Keri, we get enough of that from strangers without hearing it from "friends".

[vinesqueen 2]

I'm sure subconsciously, people think those who are overweight need to be "punished" for their lack of control. i.e. months of misery on a diet.

I think there are a lot of people who overtly thing that fat people need to be punished. Gluttony, is after all, one of the seven deadly sins.

Fat people are lazy, stupid, have poor hygene, and probably eat babies.

[My_o_My 0]

All my life I was small to normal size, and my sister was 10-20 lbs overweight. Then, a few years ago - I balooned - and I'm the one who was really overweight, while she probably was 50-60 lbs overweight.

When I told her I was having the surgery (my sister and I are very close), she was bound and determined to diet because she didn't want to be the fat sister. We were utterly honest, and she was thrilled to death for me - but still she didn't want to be the fat one.

She had visions of me being a size 4 by Christmas (so did I) but now that it's happened I'm an inspiration to her, and an encouragement. She went on a diet with me and lost 18 pounds the first month.

I don't begrudge her wanting to look good/better than me - I want to look better than her (despite the fact that I love her dearly) - we're sisters! And it's OK. We both want to be cuter and smaller and it's in both of our best interest to lose the extra pounds. She even benefits from me losing weight (since we live in the same community - it's not so great to have a fat sister - and now, I'm just overweight....it's great).

My sister and I were able to be honest because we are so close and the love is huge (we're close friends). I say, include her, have her do it with you as much as she can - do it together. My sister got Protein shakes and Vitamins and only ate one meal a day. Her husband joined in (he's maybe 10 lbs overweight - maybe) to support her, and then their daughter (whose not overweight at all) did it because she's a teenager - it was totally fun!

[kat72 0]

alatina, as a matter of fact, my friend IS overweight, and as soon as she saw me working on my weight (OA meetings and surgery info.), she, all of a sudden, decided that it was imperative that she too join OA and start trying to lose weight, as if we are in a contest. I love the fact that she is working on these things, but I am not big on her whole attitude about things. I do not view it as a competition to see who can lose the most weight the soonest. Besides, it is not just about losing the weight, it's about keeping it off as well. I asked her something about having an ice cream cone the other day, and she just went ballistic about how that is junk, and she would not dare put THAT in her body. She had not even been doing the OA program for a week at that time. She's already going a lil' nutty and too extreme.

Angiebell, I appreciate your point of view that my friend may actually be concerned about me. I personally feel that it is a mix of both concern and envy. I try to put myself in her shoes and she in mine, and maybe I would react the same way. Who knows? I think that I will definitely consider talking to her about my feelings, which will be difficult, because she is a very defensive person by nature. We have been friends for a long time, and I would hate for something as trivial as me losing weight to be the cause of an end to our friendship.

Thanx to all of you for your advice and experiences, and I agree, I actually get more support and encouragement from this web site than I receive from the OA meetings. I have told a handful of people about this surgery, and I think I will stop talking about it to anyone else. Also, my friend is constantly asking me for 'updates' regarding surgery. I mentioned to her that if my insurance would not cover the band I would have to consider getting it done in Mexico. She reacted as if I had said something gross that might make her puke, as if she was offended! She wanted to know if 'it' was so serious that I would actually consider having surgery in Mexico! She was appalled! I told her that many of the people on my support web site had surgery in Mexico and they were just GREAT. She thought that THAT was crazy. She reacted the same way when I told her that although I do not like the idea of having the RNY done, for financial reasons, I would probably have to consider it if my insurance was willing to cover it and not the band. Why should or would she be offended about something that I am deciding to do to and for MYSELF?! I don't get it. Maybe I'm just overreacting a bit, i dunno. She DID, however, tell me that the band sounded better than the RNY. I guess that's better than the negative mumbo jumbo about weight loss surgery altogether. From now on I will discuss 'things' with all of you, the friends that I have told who are supportive, and my mom (she's been supportive since day one, THANK GOODNESS). If my mom was against me, I think I would have some SERIOUS problems. Once again, thanx to everyone here! I don't think I would have made it as far as I have thus far without you guys. You are all special, remember that

[hodegard 0]

I am extremely open with anyone and everyone who will listen when it comes to my lap-band and the adventure it's been since getting it. I have been fortunate in that most everyone has been extremely supportive. That support has really kept me going. But I will also be honest and say that I have lost a friend since getting my band. I thought she was a really good friend, too, but I know now that she really wasn't. She was super supportive when I planned to have the surgery and even for about six months after having it. But once my weight dropped below hers (she weighed about 250 at the time), her attitude suddenly started to change toward me. In front of a group of strangers, she went on and on for about half an hour about how I had gotten a "really, really big head" and that I thought I was "all that and a bag of chips." (I think that phrase bugged me more than anything else because it's just so Jerry Springer-ish. LOL) My first reaction was, of course, to think, "I haven't done that!" But then I started to think, "Maybe I have, and I just don't realize it." So, I asked a few friends that I KNEW FOR CERTAIN would be honest with me and asked them if they thought I had changed in this way. They all said that they saw increased confidence in me, but in a positive way, and that they didn't see the behavior that she described at all. They all suggested, and I couldn't help but agree, that she was just jealous... especially since her attitude didn't turn negative until my weight became less than hers.

That was a really tough experience for me. Nobody likes for people to think things like that. But the sad truth is that there just might be relationships that are lost when you better yourself. It's hard but you just have to remember that it's their loss, and not yours, and if the relationship was a good one, it would have lasted.

[jqpublic 1]

ITS YOUR HEALTH! you are dealing with. When your have weight problems there is no easy way out! You must look at the long road ahead,Do I want all these complications that go with being over weight?

Let them judge me! six months people will forget......And if they don,t oh well. Your true freinds will under stand. and your own health & well being is what counts.

I have a friend who thinks that I went under the knife for the MAJIC CURE of weight loss Surgery! My Insurence would not cover it or I, would have..Its funny people just

Judge you and discriminate if you are heavy there no way around it. IF your FAT YOUR fAT & IF YOUR SKINNY YOUR SKINNY. In todays society.

People act like Fat people are a social disease & we chose to be fat! Yeah give me a side order of cancer to go along with my obeasty.....haha

Well good luck I, hope that will do whats right for you! and that you will meet your weight goals.

Take care God bless.

[alatina 1]

she doesnt sound like a friend at all-friends dont judge you and certainly dont try to make you feel like s**t-Im with Delarla-weed this crap out girl.

[kat72 0]

Ohhhh, you guys are all a blast!!!

Hodegard-thanx a bunch for your personal experience. It makes me sad to even think that I would have to lose a good friend. She and I have been through so much together. Hopefully, my plan of not mentioning it to her any longer will work, and maybe she will just get over it. Who knows?

jqpublic- I totally agree with your comments, and thanx for the well wishes.

alatina-I appreciate your advice, but its so hard to think that I could simply let a good friend just go without trying to salvage our friendship. Besides, she recently had a couple of children, and the children and I have a really AWESOME relationship. I would hate to think that I would not be able to see them again, which is what would happen if I terminated the friendship between my friend and I. We've known each other for over 10 years! I think I will give her another try and see where her head is. If she offends me in any way, I will let her know about it, and depending on her attitude/response, I will decide what to do about her. Whatever the case, I think that I now know where I stand with her as far as weight loss/weight loss surgery is concerned, and I know that THAT is a subject that I will just not be able to bring up in her presence. Thanx so much!

[NJChick 3]

I don't understand why people think letting some one take a knife to your body is the easy way out.

I told two people at work and one is a heavy woman my age who is tickled for me because she knows how hard I struggle, she has seen me cry because I get so frustrated. The other lady got so excited she hugged and kissed me.

Now on the other hand I will not tell my boss because he is so "military like" so disciplined and fit. I know he would look at me like, your gonna waste company time on something that I should be able to control.

Delarla is right, talk to your friend, set her strait. If she doesn't come around she was never really a friend to begin with.

Hugs and good luck, I hope she has a change of heart.

["with the band" 1]

Kat - people are just scared cause they don't like the unknown. I am sure she thinks she is being a friend to you.

Everyone is always jealous of me and I always think that's crazy cause none of them could even begin to have walked in my shoes.

I just be better than the petty crap around me in this world. It makes so much so simple in life.

Don't let anyone tell you what trip to make....life is a single file line.

nancy