Changes.....

[2Flyguys 13]

do u think the physical or mental changes of losing ur weight have been harder.... and why???????? the mental changes of my weight loss have been so much more difficult than the physical....which i thought would b the complete opposite....i would love to hear what some of u r going through.....

[luigismama 0]

First of all, congrats on your amazing weight loss! I completely agree with you that the mental ramifications of this journey are much more difficult than the physical. I'm a little over halfway to my goal, and I have a flabby tummy, flappy batwing arms, droopy boobs, and I'm still not used to people (mostly men) paying more attention to me. But I still struggle every day to make healthy food choices, make my health a priority, make time for exercise and activity, and not want to give up when I have a bad day.

This is one of the best decisions I've ever made for myself, and I would do it again in a heartbeat, but no one could have prepared me for how much I relied on food for EVERYTHING in my life- comfort, celebration, sadness, anger, loneliness, stress, etc. Until I had the band I had no awareness I would eat food just because I didn't want to waste it! I make sure to take care of my mental health in all this as well as my physical health- get massage, acupuncture, mediate, and journal. This site helps me get back on track, laugh, commiserate, and know that I'm not alone.

[Catherine55 43]

2FlyGuys, I am betting that because you lost so quickly (you lucky girl!) your mind is still catching up. I was curious to know what kind of things you were finding hard to get used to.

For me, neither the physical or mental part has been very hard (maybe I should thank my therapist and dr. for this!). I guess getting used to how I have to eat now -- which is part mental, part physical -- is the biggest challenge, but it has not been too difficult.

All in all, the changes I've had to make have such a good outcome that it's colored my outlook in a really positive light. Things like planning meals, chewing, getting stuck and sliming don't seem like a big deal to me in contrast. So, that's the physical side.

On the mental one, I guess I'm not exactly sure what I look like right now to other people, but I feel like I'm getting back to the lighter, more attractive version of myself that I was 10 years ago. I can't believe I am only just over 30 pounds from goal. Before the band, losing 40 lbs just seemed so impossible to me.

Last night, I went to Macy's to pick up a present for my mother, and it was the first time in years that I stopped to look at clothing (regular sizes) and felt like I might actually see something there that I would like and that would actually fit! Shopping just stopped being fun once I got into bigger sizes. It was a surprise for me to realize how long it had been since I just browsed like that.

Catherine

[2Flyguys 13]

i actually i'm not having any problems letting go of food...i was strictly an over-eater...i do not have a sweet tooth...the foods i enjoy i can still eat...i just cant eat 3 helpings now...what i needed this tool for was portion control...and thats exactly what the band does....

exercising hasn't been a problem either...i really enjoy exercising now....

i honestly sometimes forget that i'm not 296 pounds...this morning i looked at myself in the mirror and had to say to myself "this is me...this is you" and i can honestly say as of today i'm excepting me now

i've posted threads in the past in regards to my co-workers constantly asking me about my weight...i work for a large company...over 500 people and i literally feel like a circus clown...like a freak show

i know it's because i lost so fast....i want to get use to this...but when u have people around u constantly staring...asking questions...how much have u lost...is that all ur going to eat...u've lost enough...its like...when well this wear off...when will i b viewed as "normal" (whatever that is)

i'm fine around family and friends...they r all use to it...or people that didnt know me before surgery

i really am having a better day today...i woke up this morning feeling...living...breathing...realizing this is me...it does take some getting use 2 though...i hope i dont sound like a head case

[2Flyguys 13]

i wish i could've gotten use to me and the way i look now...b4 all the attention...i'm not use to the attention...i feel comfortable on this support group posting pics and threads...because everyone on here is or has gone through what i'm going through...but i guess it was the fact that i was so fat...i now have a hard time recognizing who the fat me was...i dont know if i mentioned this in my first comment...but it was so fast...faster than i ever expected....i cant walk around mad at my co-workers...i have no idea how i would've reacted to seeing one of my co-workers losing weight so fast....but sometimes i just want to say okay...enuff...

[Catherine55 43]

I hear you. It sounds like all of this has happened so quickly that even your co-workers are struggling to adjust, so clearly you still need some time too!

Just remember that you still are the same person on the inside, which -- fundamentally -- is the most important thing. Maybe you should log in some more mirror time to get used to how your new thinner incarnation really looks! Definitely enjoy it -- I am betting that your feet and back are thanking you -- and that you are looking better than ever!

Best,

Catherine

[esposa13 0]

WOW! This is exactly what I worry about. Each time I have lost a lot of weight I gain it back in part because I don't know HOW to live at a healthy weight. I have NEVER been at a healthy weight for more than 9 months in my life. I keep looking for resources to help me work through this issue but don't have a solution yet......

Sally

[Good4me1313 54]

2Flyguys.....when were you banded? You have done GREAT!!

[yeahitsme38 0]

Iam 10 months post op with the band and haven't been on this site in months. Everything going great. Was warned the mental would come and I thought NOT ME. I went from a size 18-20 to a 8-10. I was always told I had pretty hair and face!! Been over weight for the past 23 yrs of my 38 yrs of living. I was told twice this past week I had a nice butt? ONE was too my face! My poor son has everyone asking him if Iam his girlfriend! A guy he works with saw me at his work and told MY son how hot I was. My marriage is rock solid and has been for 11 yrs. BUT here comes the change. I have always been aggressive in the bedroom and now Iam thinking I was a take charge woman b/c I thought I had to be? NOT b/c it was who Iam? I told my husband a yr ago he needed to make more effort on coming up to me and showing me passion and take charge. I understand he is used to the dynamics of the relationship but so am I? BUT these feelings I have are very real, very POWERFUL. This conversation with him fell on deaf ears. We've since had it many times and each one falling on deaf ears. We talked yesterday and he says Iam distant. IAM. I will get to that in a minute. He is insecure about my new looks and the attn Iam getting. SO AM I!! I have all this attn and have no idea what the hell to do with it. It has woke up feelings inside me that I thought I didn't have. Iam craving such attn from my husband in ways that I have explicitly told him and yet it falls on deaf ears. Then I find myself getting this attn and recently started thinking I could get what I want outside the marriage. SO again I went to my husband and told him, you have to take charge a bit and ravish me b/c I want it badly enough Iam thinking about going outside the marriage to get it. Well that didn't go over very well. I told him I understand that with my physical change came the emotional change that Iam now dealing with. I too feel just as lost as he. I hate cheaters, talk badly about them and yet Iam having those very thoughts. Iam crying as I write this. Iam so ashamed. I don't want to cheat, I want my husband to change and I do understand its not easy to do so, but just a lil. I need him to show me more passion, foreplay if you will. I won't go into specifics but there is things he can be doing. I have told him these things in great detail and told him they don't have to be exact but here's an idea of what it is Iam craving, needing. JUST so he is clear. Yet here Iam, still waiting. This is why Iam distant. I just THINK. I asked him last night what was going on with him. He said he needs time. TIME FOR WHAT?? He loves me SO much, afraid of losing me, thinks Iam so beautiful. WHY can't he do this for me? Why am I craving it. It has taken over my every thought! NOW feelings are flooding me that I hate my new body. Causing problems, has turned my happy life upside down. Thrown everything and everyone off course. I sit in the local grocery store parking lot often. Just need space. I sit there and think. I have this insatiable need for a fix and can't get it. I sit in my car and listen to the radio, think, wonder what the hell is wrong with me, fantasize about some man putting his hands all over me yet I have no face or name of him, wonder why my husband can't step up, have no clue who Iam today. Ashamed for my thoughts, feelings, cravings, pissed off like you can't imgaine, find myself knowing these strange men would do to me what I crave but I don't want it from them, so what is up with my husband, Iam just beside myself. So there you have it, there's my emotional crap!! Iam prob at my lowest of lows. I tried discussing it with 2 friends. Both creamed me for the feelings. "reminded" me what a great man my husband is and how I should be grateful for him. Iam sorry I never said he wasn't great nor did I say I wasn't grateful. I hurried and smoothed it over. All is great and my fake face is really starting to hurt. SUX

[Jachut 487]

Mental definitely.

For me, the physical part of it was really very easy, the band has worked absolutely text book perfectly for me, I had it put in, I ate less, I lost weight, simple. I never had half the food issues that many others here have suffered from, so eating less of my regular diet has been absolutely fine. Of course, I had to cut out a lot of the extra crap, but I basically ate a health diet with extras. I wasnt a fast food junkie, a sugar nut, I didnt drink milk shakes or stuff like that and we're encouraged here to eat a normal diet in smaller portions, not Protein first or low carb or anything. So it just wasnt a huge change.

I knew I'd have to exercise, but I'd made the decision to have surgery so I was ready to commit to that and I found something I love - running - which helped enormously. I run purely for pleasure these days, I really love it.

But mentally, it wasnt anything deep and meaningful like coming to terms with myself or facing deep dark issues that came to the surface as I lost weight. Again,that part was easy.

Its now. I'm a thin, fit healthy person. But I dont know how to stop "being on a diet". How do I change the focus from always wanting to improve myself, now that I'm here? What do I replace it with? I still need every day to be a "challenge". I still get up affirming to myself "today, I'm going to be good", "today I'm going to run 10kms" even though those things are second nature. I even eat poorly for periods of time, I think just to give myself focus while I"m "getting back on the wagon".

Its really difficult to accept that the body you have is what you've got, there's no more weight to be lost, what's the choice now - accept it, relegate it to a lesser part of your daily focus or go on a never ending Quest for perfection through rounds of plastic surgery? I think about plastic surgery often - and truth is, I dont want it at all, but it would keep that journey going so I wouldnt have to face actually having arrived!

[2Flyguys 13]

thank u all sooooooooooo much....i was able to relate to each and everyone of u!!!!!!!!!!!!! u r all awesome and congrats on ur losses!!!!!!!!!!! well get through this....yes we will!!!!!!!!!!!:frown: