Wondering...

[So_Sweet 0]

Hi! I have decided to get banded and I have discussed it with my husband in length. Since our discussion, we have coincidently seen several TV shows depicting women that have had some sort of bariatric surgery and went on a new found Quest to seek attraction from men outside of their marriage. Now my husband is afraid that this will happen to me and our marriage will be ruined. I have tried to reassure him on several occasions that this will not happen to me, but he is not convinced. I have never had any self esteem issues due to my weight, and have always thought very highly of myself, so I do not forsee any issues, yet I am beginning to see this phenomena happening with alot of women that have had weight loss surgery. Needless to say, his fears are increasing. Any advice about what I should do? When the physical transformation happens, do you go through a mental transformation also? Just looking for your thoughts. Thanks for listening!

[Mirandajanaye 0]

I think you will definitely go through a mental transition as well, but i think you will still be yourself, just a better happier you. and i think that a lot of woman that have marriage problems afterwards are women that had marriage problems to start with. a lot of women get "stuck" in relationships with men because they dont feel they are good enough for a good man. and i think this is the main reason why you here of so many women who leave their husbands when they find confidence. But like me, My fiance and i have a great relationship and i think that our relationship will be stronger afterwards because i will know that he stood by me in the worst of my conditions. and I dont think i could ever leave somebody that is so wonderful to me and stood by me through so much.

[ParrotheadCathy 0]

Trust is the biggest component of any relationship. Of course, what he's concerned about does happen, but why is he suddenly afraid it will affect you? I would suggest a counseling visit together so that an impartial third party could discuss it.

Of course we change when we make physical changes. You'll dress different, probably walk a little different (head higher, whatever), you'll have more energy, want to do things you haven't done in ages. Maybe he's concerned that you'll be leaving him behind on other things and the fidelity thing is just an outlet for his emotions?

Personally, I believe the adage "once a cheater, always a cheater"....and just perhaps those women would have strayed sooner had they had the self-confidence to seek out a partner for these activities, irregardless of the weight.

It's a very complicated issue, which is why I suggest counseling...pastors often counsel couples and that, too is a possibility, though you might not want your pastor to know of the insecurities OR that you're getting a band.

Love should conquer all. Good luck.

[YngGram 73]

YES!!! You do change, however who you are doesn't. Therefore, IMO you won't do anything at say 140 that you didn't WANT to do at 240. I am down about 39lbs. since I made the decision to do lapband back in Nov. I have gone from a size 22 jean to a 14, I am so happy with me I can barely stand it. I was just talking to my husband last week about how some of the women seem to morf into wild women and that I didn't understand where it came from. He said that I didn't because I have always been so sure of myself and because I made this choice for health reasons. I have been married for 31 years and don't have plans to go anywhere, I love him, he knows. I will slide into the 100's soon and have made him some big promises, hopefully I really do have the energy to carry them out. As I have moved through this I have talked with my husband, keeping him a part of what is going on.

[Makulafamy 55]

Hi! I have decided to get banded and I have discussed it with my husband in length. Since our discussion, we have coincidently seen several TV shows depicting women that have had some sort of bariatric surgery and went on a new found Quest to seek attraction from men outside of their marriage. Now my husband is afraid that this will happen to me and our marriage will be ruined. I have tried to reassure him on several occasions that this will not happen to me, but he is not convinced. I have never had any self esteem issues due to my weight, and have always thought very highly of myself, so I do not forsee any issues, yet I am beginning to see this phenomena happening with alot of women that have had weight loss surgery. Needless to say, his fears are increasing. Any advice about what I should do? When the physical transformation happens, do you go through a mental transformation also? Just looking for your thoughts. Thanks for listening!

When I went through my psych eval the doc and i talked about this. She wanted me to know that the divorce rate is significantly higher for WLS patients. Clearly, several things can happen. Either the person loses weight and realizes they have been settling for a person or lifestyle just bc they are fat...and they want something more...

or...

the WLS patients partner cannot handle the added attention the patient is now getting...and this leads to fights, and so on.

I work at a hospital facility where loads of people are having surgery...bc our insurance covers it 100%. I have seen my divorced coworker go from a homebody to a drinking "sexual" person (saying it nice). She has replaced one addiction when several unhealthy ones.

the point of all my blabbering is yes...it can change a person. It is life changing surgery. But, it doesnt have to change a person. I, like you, have always thought pretty highly of myself, considered myself kinda sexy at times :thumbup: etc. My boyfriend and I talked pretty openly about his fear that I may "get hotter" and leave him. I explained that I am with him bc I love him...(I will spare you all the details). But, I just try to let him know that I am not with him bc I am fat...hahah...that doesnt even really make sense. So just talk to him. Reassure him. Put it in perspective for him. Ask him "would you leave me if you were fat and lost weight"? His answer will be no. And then you can say..."then why would I leave you"?

Just some thoughts!

Good luck with everything!

Amy

[talkalot1981 5]

You know I have been wondering the same thing. My husband and I have been together for the last 9 years. I have been heavy 8 1/2 of those 9 years with him. LOL I actually have always, even being as heavy as I am, had guys look my way. I don't think the added attention will effect us as a couple. Like some have said in other posts, I think it really helps to have a trust worthy and respectful marriage in the beginning. We do, so I am very confident in our marriage afterwards.

[So_Sweet 0]

Thanks to everyone who responded!