Deep Thoughts

[I_Said_NO 1]

I've been struggling to get over this hump. In the process I've developed awful headaches. I had my face turn numb and I thought I was or had had a stroke. I panicked a bit and went to the doctors. Turns out I have stress/tension headaches. I have been holding my neck, shoulders and teeth so tight that I caused this numbness. The cure? Stop stressing out. blah. LOL

Here it is 2 weeks later and they have lessened but they are still here.

I have some mental stress that is really not a big deal when you think of the nation as a whole... the economy, the swine flu, etc. My 'stress' right now is that my life is going through so many changes. I've been married for 25 years and our oldest is about to graduate from college, and my oldest son is about to go to college, my youngest, my little premie is about to start kindergarten. This would be the last to fly the coup. I'm struck with wondering what I should do. I've been a stay at home mom and a working mom. Neither is better than the other for the mom.:smile2: LOL. The kids do better with the first, and in some ways I did better with the later.

:wink2:I was struck with an epiphany during all of this. I got fat by turning to food for EVERYTHING. Especially stress. There is something soothing and calming that happens when I eat. Numbing. And here I feel like with the band, I was dropped on this stressful island with no other way to cope, or at least all the other ways did not compare to the way a big mac and fries with a tall diet coke could. And there are countless other combination's that sooth the beast inside me. Now I have to cope, to learn more ways of dealing with whatever life throws me. It has not been easy. And perhaps these "stresses" are rather low on the stress-scale but heightened with the lack of stress-relieving-foods i have coped with for years. Even in my thin years I was using food to cope.

Without the food to cover up my thoughts and my memories, past things are coming up and haunting me. Draining my confidence. But I can get through this. It is the past. I am the future.

I am not losing, however, I am not gaining. And though it may not seem 'great' to most ... it has struck me recently, thanks to prayers and Gods mercy, that this is all part of the messy process. I want this to be a lifetime 'loss.' I've seen so many gain the weight back. (not just lapbanders, but GB, and others who did it sans surgery) ... That thought is scary. Just thinking of that now, makes me feel nauseous. Deep breath. I'm on my way.

So I'm hanging in there. Facing anger, depression, stress, disappointments, and all without the food, not because my willpower is so great, but because my band is so tight. :biggrin: So thank you lap-band.

And to you, reading this, thanks for being there, and for reading this far, it is a lot to expect strangers to stop their busy days and read my thoughts ... strangers that are sharing this same process. You've helped me in ways you do not even know.

ty:thumbup:

[HeatherO 7]

Very interesting post, thanks for sharing.

I felt similarly in the early months after banding. I lost my method for de-stressing with food but eventually found workable substitutes. Exercise always makes me feel better after I get started. Going for a walk, taking a bath or reading a good book also help.

It gets so much easier after a little time when banding and what you are eating doesn't take so much focus and life moves on.

[ParrotheadCathy 0]

When I was in college (psychology major), one of the things that I used doing intake at an in-patient facility was an evaluation tool that assigned points for stress levels of events. I have to say I was young (21) and never thought about stress all that much. School was my stress. But even good things cause stress! Things like Christmas, vacation, weddings. And you simply cannot avoid stress because you choose to. Some people find relief from stress through therapy, some through exercise, some through food, some through social activities with friends and some people use a bit of any or all. Having no more "babies" at home is a big change, probably the biggest for any parent. Maybe instead of worrying/stressing about that child not being at home everyday, you could find a place to volunteer? Many hospitals have a "foster grandparent" program where you go in and basically love on hospitalized children and babies. Most volunteer programs let you set your hours and duration. I personally find holding a baby or feeding a baby or playing with a young child to be very relaxing. It's a thought!

[39andholding 0]

I've had these deep thoughts too. I am pre-band, so the idea of not being able to turn to food for "support" does scare me a little. :thumbup:

I think having these thoughts has been helpful to me. I hope. :ohmy:

Do you have any hobby you would have liked to do but haven't due to the various aspects of the kids' lives? Maybe gardening or scrapbooking? The volunteering is a good idea, too.

[I_Said_NO 1]

I personally find holding a baby or feeding a baby or playing with a young child to be very relaxing. It's a thought!

It sure does... hence the 6 kids. LOL... I LOVE holding babies... my dh always sez, "ought oh" when he sees me holding a baby. He grins and knows what a joy it is for me.

Thanks for your advice. Today has been a rotten one ... not food wise, just in general, and facing it head on and not numbing myself just makes it more intense... I can get through it. peace

[I_Said_NO 1]

Very interesting post, thanks for sharing.

I felt similarly in the early months after banding. I lost my method for de-stressing with food but eventually found workable substitutes. Exercise always makes me feel better after I get started. Going for a walk, taking a bath or reading a good book also help.

Oddly I did not face much of this in the early banding months... I seemed to have such satisfaction in the scale moving that that was my 'drug' of choice. But once the scale stopped moving, I had to start facing the demons that caused me to overeat in the first place. I'll get there... but it would be nice if the scale would move at the same time... there is something about having results for my efforts that helps get over the tough times.

[I_Said_NO 1]

I've had these deep thoughts too. I am pre-band, so the idea of not being able to turn to food for "support" does scare me a little. :ohmy:

I think having these thoughts has been helpful to me. I hope. :thumbup:

Do you have any hobby you would have liked to do but haven't due to the various aspects of the kids' lives? Maybe gardening or scrapbooking? The volunteering is a good idea, too.

I really want to go back to school and do something completely different... the prospect is scary... another thing that keeps me up at night.

Thanks for your input.