How to tell someone I just started dating that I'm having surgery next month?

[Mrmer63 0]

I'm scheduled to have my surgery next month and I'm afraid to tell the guy I just started dating. My doctors believe the surgery would of great benefit to my health because of my current co-mormidities. My BMI was 36 when I started this whole process, but on the liver reduction diet I've lost almost 20 lbs over the last 3 months. They guy I'm dating doesn't think I need to lose any weight (maybe he's just being kind) but it's obvious to me that this could really improve my health and self-esteem. I'm worried about his reaction when he finds out. Has anyone else out there been in a similar situation? I don't want to be dishonest and say the surgery is for something else...I don't think lying is the best way to start a relationship. I also don't want to cancel the surgery, though the thought has crossed my mind. Any ideas? I apologize is this is a thread already... I looked and couldn't find one.

[RaleighLap 0]

Hey from North Carolina!

I think this is a great question. My situation is a little different but maybe it will help. I've been in a relationship with a guy for 6 years now. My weight has been a long struggle and I finally decided that getting a lap band is a healthy way for me to lose weight so we'll have more years together.

I understand how it is when you first start dating someone. You want to be honest but you don't want to lay anything heavy like that on the person for fear they will judge you or try to talk you out of something you've already probably struggled with. I say if you really like this guy tell him. What's the worst that could happen? He doens't understand? Educate him. He dumps you? Why be with someone that doesn't accept you for you?

I wish you all the luck. Don't let someone else make this decision for you.

[Mrmer63 0]

Thanks for the good advice Raleighlab. Yesterday I found out that my surgery is scheduled for May 15...suddenly is all seems more real. Three great things have happened in my life recently...I met someone great, finally found a new job after being unemployed for a while, and was approved for lap-band surgery. Not wanting to spoil any of the three might seem a little greedy to some...but you're right, if he can't accept me for this, then there's no future in our relationship. I'll let you know what he does when I break the news. I don't have much time since my surgery is just about 3 weeks from now. I better start rehearsing my speech...wish me luck!

[BLAKQUEEN 33]

Hi,

I just want to thank you for your post. It is a good question. I am female so we don't always see the weight issue the same way in relationships. I have recently decided to date again. I am wondering how I am going to tell people I may want to date. So good luck with your surgery and good luck with your relationship.:ohmy:

Peace Kimtwan

[Mrmer63 0]

I still haven't told him. I know I should, but it's the "how to" that's getting me stuck. Thanks for wishing me luck.

[littlefroggy 0]

I didn't date much before the surgery, but after the surgery and about a 50 lbs loss, I was ready to date!

I told some of the people I dated on the first date that I had the surgery- especially if they were overweight themselves.

But then, I met an amazing woman and we started to date seriously. I told her I had surgery, as she could see my scars but I never told her the details. I don't know why... it was definitely something I wanted her to know but we were dating for several months by that point and I hadn't been able to tell her the details.

Finally, she went to visit family out of state and a cousin had just had gastric bypass. When she came back she asked me if that is what I had. I explained to her the difference and she was really supportive. However, I think it would have been much better for me to tell her early on.