why such secrecy?

[BethFromVA 5]

Exactly! So like when someone comes up to me and compliments me on how much weight I've lost and asks how I did it--I'd be honest...and tell them that with diet, exercise, and a little help from your local bariatric surgeon, you too could lose 20 lbs in eight days...

I just tell them perserverence. I STILL have to make good choices. The band (as Lulu said) does not do that for you.

My issue was usually the amount of food I ate. I didn't snack that often, and I didn't have a huge sweet tooth or eat fast food all the time... I just ate huge amounts.

The band helps me with that, but I STILL have to choose to bypass the ice cream and Ho-Hos at the grocery store. I can still eat badly and put on weight. The band doesn't do anything for you in that area. So yes, it IS us who are doing the hard work.

[BethFromVA 5]

You're right...I am an open book by nature. I'm very honest. I'm also very opinionated.

It's up to the individual to disclose how/why they've lost their weight. All I'm saying is that it's--in my opinion--socially and morally reprehensible to mislead people into thinking that the success you've had was not at all in part due to the fact that you were banded. If you say, "I eat right, I work out everyday," and don't mention the band, it sets false expectations. For example, I have a friend who's overweight, and we've bonded over our overeating and self-loathing...hell, we've made it an art form...how could I look her in the face and watch her struggle with her unsuccessful diets and have her see me and my success and let her believe that I lost my weight all alone? There's no way. I guess I'm just a different kind of person than others...and that's ok! To each his/her own, right?

I disagree with you about the false expectations.

On average, I am losing exactly the same per month (about 10 pounds) as I did on diet and exercise alone a few years back. It's not like I'm losing like on The Biggest Loser, where in 16 weeks they are down 130 pounds.

The people I tell may be inspired by my weight loss and be able to keep it off better than I could. However, that said, I am not my brother's keeper. My closest few friends and my mom and dad know, but beyond that, nobody else does. If my best friend was struggling, I would tell her what I had done and answer any other questions she has, but if it's somebody on the street or a coworker, maybe my weightloss alone could inspire them, but it's not up to me to bare my soul for somebody else.

If somebody else wants to do that, I give them much credit. But for me, I don't tell people all my business. Nor should I be shamed into doing so because somebody out there feels I'm being "socially and morally reprehensible" or "misleading" by not telling people personal things about my life.

[Gracey 7]

All I'm saying is that it's--in my opinion--socially and morally reprehensible to mislead people into thinking that the success you've had was not at all in part due to the fact that you were banded....

First of all, you have GOT to be kidding me that it's "morally reprehensible" with all the pedophiles, greedy bankers, et al in this country. Not telling everyone on God's green earth my business isn't even 9Mth on the list or "morally reprehensible" things.

Secondly, why do you think other people even give a flying flip how anyone else lost weight? Ever since I turned 40 and had my first mammogram, I'm on a 6-month return cycle, not an annual like other women. Should I walk through my city with a sign on my chest that states, "Hi, I'm on a 6-month mammogram cycle."?

Wow. This is the first time I've really wanted to post something snarky on this site. Please know that I am holding back considerably.

Clearly, you are not getting the distinction between setting boundaries and being deceptive. That you are not a private person and do not mind disclosing your medical information to others, does not somehow make you morally superior. I am pretty shocked by how judgmental and narrow minded your posts in this string are.

I'm not going to engage on this any further. It seems clear that you are just posting this to agitate people. I truly hope that none of the other bandsters who read this post are caused to question their own personal decisions.

Catherine-I have been major stressed at work and have worked more hours than I can count. Whew, this was a great post!

Catherine,

You have to consider the source. First, she's 26 years old. Maybe she doesn't have much life or worldly experience. We were all pretty narrow minded in our own way at that age. More importantly, she was banded less than 10 days ago. For her to believe that this band is anything other than a simple tool is because of her lack of experience. I hope the original poster will re-read this thread in say----OH, another hundred pounds---and see how she feels about the weight loss not being due to hard work and nutritional changes.

I've had my band for 16 months. I assure you that if my overweight friends restricted their caloric intake to merely 800-1000 calories a day AND exercised for over an hour a day at the intensity I do, they, too, could lose a hundred pounds. The band is not the reason I've lost the weight.....it was simply a tool that enabled me to stop compulsive behaviors and focus properly on what needed to be done.

You can't be offended by what someone says when she comes ill equipped to judge....

Another great post! Judge not lest you be judged, OP.

[jukebox81782 0]

i think the whole purpose of this post--initially--was either mistaken or communicated poorly (most likely by my own fault). i am young. i'm also someone who has been fat ALL HER LIFE! i've worn my weight problems on me for the world to see for as long as i can remember.

initially, i was confused as to why someone would have to hide the fact that they are having surgery from someone as close to them as their father. it was my lack of life experience with an unsupportive family that lead to this confusion, but after the first couple of posts explaning to me that not everyone has great relationships with their family like i do, i made a pretty clear mea culpa and even commended those people with unsupportive family members for going through something like this so alone.

now, the fact that this whole thing spun was when i felt that luluc (i think that's her name) said that not admitting that the band helped her to lose her weight bothered me. again, yes, this may have been said irrationally and without adequate experience being banded. my doctor gave me permission to integrate food back into my diet, and i'm feeling no restriction (i haven't been filled yet), and i want to keep eating--i do--but i CHOOSE to stop eating and not go over 800-1000 calories a day. i'm hoping that once i'm filled i will not have to force myself to stop--that i will actually start feeling full and feel satisfied.

okay. all that said, i guess i am apologizing for things being taken so far out of hand and out of context. i was a bit snarky, but i do not feel that i was the only one. two wrongs, however, don't make a right.

just as my parting words from this post. i was in no way trying to scare people out of getting a lap band. all i'm saying is that if a obese person in my life (colleague, old friend, family member i haven't seen in a while/am not close to, someone from the gym, etc) sees my success and asks me how i do it...i will tell them that i had a lap band surgery, and i really had to evaluate what i eat and how much of it i eat, and it changed my life forever. the only reason i would tell them that is because they may chose to consider getting the lap band too, and it might save their life...that's how i came to get one. i ran into two people from my past when i moved back to my hometown after eight years--they'd both lost tons of weight and looked great, and they'd both had the band.

they didn't tell me "maybe if you order fish/sushi to eat and get your a$$ to the gym, you'll lose weight too."

good luck to all!

[BethFromVA 5]

For me personally, it got ugly when we who choose not to announce it to the world were told we were socially and morally reprehensible and misleading. :thumbup:

[notateechanow 7]

Jessica Rae,

I admire your willingness to come back and explain yourself. Remember you're "young" in this process. I did everything I was told to do, then 10 times more. I ate only 800 or fewer calories a day for the first 3 months. I worked out at least 5 times a week, sometimes 6 or 7 days for at least an hour to an hour and a half a day. I'm not talking about waddling on the treadmill. I was a scholarship athlete in college. I know what it is to work....and after three months? YES, I lost 25 pounds post surgery. Yep, that was it. I was beyond frustrated, but at that point, I was never happier with my decision not to tell people. Many people don't understand this surgery. They expect you to lose weight instantly, as with Gastric Bypass. They ask questions like, "Should you be eating that?!" It's bothersome. People police you, whether intentionally or not. I didn't want any of that in my life. Aside from that, my primary care physician told me she didn't think I'd lose the kind of weight I needed to lose with this surgery. She was worried that I would lose the 40-60% of my excess body weight after surgery and still be over 230. She thought that having surgery wasn't worth that. I'm 16 months out and have lost over 100 pounds---However, it wasn't steady and it wasn't fast. I lost 40 of those pounds in 2 months after moving and leaving my live-in boyfriend of 3 years. HE was the only person who knew about my surgery at that point.....

So.....while I admire your willingness to share, I will assure you as you go through this process, there will be times when you will wish that you didn't tell people. I, on the other hand, had times when I wished there were people I could confide in. My process was tremendously lonely. I did it all by myself. You're so lucky to not have to go through that, but now....I'm there. I'm still about 30 pounds heavier than I'd like to be, but after suffering my entire life with more than 60+pounds to lose (even at my lowest....) it's amazing that I'm finally this close. I'll get there, one pound and one day at a time. I would be lost if not for my support group. Good luck with your journey.

[jukebox81782 0]

For me personally, it got ugly when we who choose not to announce it to the world were told we were socially and morally reprehensible and misleading.

i think i was thinking too logically--i do now realize how hard the people (myself included) have to work to keep the weight loss going and going. it is really up to the person to use the band to help them lose (i guess i just still feel that without the band, my success wouldn't come because i've never had success in the past).

I'm 16 months out and have lost over 100 pounds

I'm still about 30 pounds heavier than I'd like to be' date=' but after suffering my entire life with more than 60+pounds to lose (even at my lowest....) it's amazing that I'm finally this close. I'll get there, one pound and one day at a time. I would be lost if not for my support group. Good luck with your journey.[/quote']

you have done inspriationally well with your band. i hope i can mirror your success. i, too, love these forums for all of the support and answers to my many many questions. good luck to you in meeting your ultimate goal, and thank you for everything.

[luluc 6]

now, the fact that this whole thing spun was when i felt that luluc (i think that's her name) said that not admitting that the band helped her to lose her weight bothered me. again, yes, this may have been said irrationally and without adequate experience being banded. !

actually jukebox, what bothered me most is why another wls patient would question why another one got the same procedure. your thinking it morally reprehensible not to share is not my deal - rather yours....so it had no impact on me.

for just a brief history - was a fit athlete my whole life, never had a weight problem till after marriage, several miscarriages & resorting to food for comfort without exercise. so when i said i had to incorporate exercise - i meant it, cause the one time in my life when i didn't have it, the weight piled on.

another good reason for keeping this private was by the 6 month mark i hadn't lost but 30lbs - barely went down in the next size clothing.

it's also important to note that for those who do not share - arent' w/out a wonderful support system of friends & family. i mentioned that i did share w/my parents and brothers once i was comfortable, and they were extremely supportive & very happy they don't see the sadness that i had w/the weight on.....can't hide that look in pictures.

so it's a personal journey & when i said good luck to your and yours, i meant it.