why such secrecy?

[agentcmc13 0]

i have only told selected people. mostly really close people or those who i am around a lot so they know why i have to stick to my change in eating habits etc.

i have found that some people who know--like my dad--tend to think they are the lap band police. when i try to eat anything he says things like "why are you eating" "you dont need to eat that" "you have lost some weight, but you still need to lose a lot more" "you just shouldnt eat at all"

he thinks he is helping...but actually it makes me want to binge when he is not around so i dont have to eat in front of him and endure his annoying comments.

i wish he didnt know...but he helped me finace the surgery so i had no choice in telling him.

[WendyII 0]

My concern with not telling people is that I will have a hard time explaining all this weight loss. I've only been banded a few days and I'm down 12 pounds! I'm determined to get 50 pounds off by 4th of July and there is just no way to explain that given that I've struggled with my weight for the biggest part of my life.

[luluc 6]

My concern with not telling people is that I will have a hard time explaining all this weight loss. I've only been banded a few days and I'm down 12 pounds! I'm determined to get 50 pounds off by 4th of July and there is just no way to explain that given that I've struggled with my weight for the biggest part of my life.

not sure about others - but i made this a lifestyle change.

i shop & cook healthy meals & i exercise regularly. when i'm out w/friends i always order some type of fish/sushi - they see my eating habits changed, know i'm a gym rat ... so no one would ever question the weightloss other than what it is.

[notateechanow 7]

I chose not to tell anyone for a variety of reasons. First, my mother claims to have had her own weight struggles. Being 20-25 pounds overweight to me does not constitute a struggle....Growing up, my father had two nicknames for me--thunder thighs and fat sh*t. My uncle called me Buddha. Ironically, I went to a division one college on a full athletic scholarship. I have had success other plans and have lost 75+ pounds several times. Unfortunately, with each new stress in life, I managed to gain it back at one time or another. I knew my family would not understand my very personal struggle with my weight. The hardest part has been realizing that my brave outward face has been a well received facade that people prefer to see because they would not want to know the real pain I faced.

My primary care doctor called me after giving me a referral initially. She had done some more research and decided I would be more successful with the Gastric Bypass and that I would never lose the amount of weight I want to lose with the band. I am now down 100 pounds. I surpassed her expectations and my own. I had enough self-doubt and didn't need any detractors.

After about 14 months, I told my best friend. I knew she would support me unconditionally, but I also knew that another friend of hers might benefit from my experience. I told my mom and dad a few weeks ago because my mom voiced concerns that I might be bulimic. They were supportive, but only because they have seen the success I have experienced. They haven't been privy to my struggles. They don't know how hard this has been.

I would have liked to have a support system, but when you're the person others lean on for support, you can't do that. I don't have room to be the needy one in my life. I have to be the provider....so with this in mind, I have gone to my support group meeting religiously. I have made some fantastic friends who support me unconditionally there. I did what I needed to for my own reasons---yes, some shame, but mostly because I have never voiced the pain I've lived and I don't think people could understand this journey.....

[Bikerbabe40 0]

i agree with you catherine.

i was banded the same day w/my husband and we have kept this private for 18 months now. i did tell my parents and brothers about 6 months out & while they are nothing but supportive i, rather "we" did not want watchful eyes - questions about slow loss (me) - food police... you name it.

am i embarrassed? absolutely not, but managing my health & fitness is my business, one i don't feel the need to share.

to those that are comfortable letting friends/family & the mailman know - have at it.....i don't particularly care to hear when someone has a BM, so i'm not overly interested if they had WLS or are just dieting & exercising.

Yep, Catherine summed it up perfectly!

[JillBengt 0]

Here is an interesting perspective. My friend and I had the surgery within two weeks of each other, hers Dec.29th and mine Jan 13th. My friend decided to tell everyone. I decided to only tell my family (who have been incredibly supportive). My reasoning, which I have not attempted to anyone but you guys, is that I have failed at so many diets that I figured if I failed at this one too, nobody would be any the wiser.

From the beginning, people were telling my friend their concerns, encouragements and objections. As a result, she second guessed her decision, although still went through with the procedure. No one said a word to me...no encouragement, no concerns, no criticisms.

After her surgery, my friend got immense help from her friends and family. She did not drive or cook or clean for weeks. After my surgery, my dad came to help out with the kids but, after only four days, he was gone, my husband went back to work and I went off pain meds. My surgery was on a Tuesday and I was back carting my sons to their basketball tournaments by Saturday. My recovery was so fast-tracked (although the pain lingered) that no one would even suspect that I had had surgery.

My friend got immediate feedback on her weight loss. As I would stand beside her, everyone would rave about how great she looked. Even though I had lost the same amount of weight she had, I kept my mouth shut, happy that she was getting the attention and not me.

Incredibly, I had to lose 40 pounds before anyone said anything to me. Now people are really noticing and they have started asking questions. I have just told everyone that I have set a goal of losing as much weight as I can by July in time for a cruise my family is taking (which is the truth). So far no one has questioned me further since they see me outside jogging with sweat pouring down my face and they know I have been working my butt off. Still, I am now wondering if it is best to just tell everyone. My friend wonders if she should have kept her mouth shut.

[Cingulus 0]

For me, it is just a personal choice. I will gladly tell anyone who asks, I just don't plan to advertise. At this point in my weight and life, if people don't understand, I can't change their minds and I not going to bother with trying. Like many things in life...only those that have had the experience/issue they will never understand.

[wstorms 2]

Everyone has different opinions on this very subject, all being VERY valid.

I chose to tell. I have very supportive family and friends which helps a great deal. I have a very public job, so I thought I could possibly help others by being open about it. Now I do not wear advertisement by any means, I dont talk about it in speeches I make. Though I do have to say that it is amazing what gets around by word of mouth!!!

Though I do have to say, at least for me, I do get tired of the weekly, "So how much have you lost now?" question. Many people associate WLS surgery with the results of bipass. So they expect fast results, so I feel I am doing a lot of education when talking to people as well .

This is such an individual decision, to tell or not to tell. I can see positives in both.

[jukebox81782 0]

I want to make sure that I was in no way trying to imply that people should or shouldn't tell. I completely agree that it's a personal choice. I think the thing that was bothering me the most was that people online here would post something like, "I'm having dinner with my dad tomorrow, and I'm on a liquid diet, and he can't find out about my surgery...WHAT DO I DO?"

Now, I know that some people do not have the support system and relationships with family/friends that I have. I've always been able to be open and honest with everyone in my life about everything I chose to be open and honest about. But you are all correct--it was MY CHOICE.

On a side note, I think it's slightly irresponsible to allow people to encourage you and believe that you are having such success and weightloss simply by diet and exercise alone. If that were the true case, why have the surgery at all? In my opinion, it sets false expectations for other overweight/obese people. Just my two cents...

[luluc 6]

I want to make sure that I was in no way trying to imply that people should or shouldn't tell. I completely agree that it's a personal choice.

On a side note, I think it's slightly irresponsible to allow people to encourage you and believe that you are having such success and weightloss simply by diet and exercise alone. If that were the true case, why have the surgery at all? In my opinion, it sets false expectations for other overweight/obese people. Just my two cents...

well which is it?

your ok w/it being a personal decision, yet feel it's irresponsible not to share?

with all due respect - there is nothing false about diet & exercise. the lapband does not go food shopping for me, does not cook my meals, does not haul my a$$ up out of bed and drag it to the gym when i'd rather sleep in. those are lifestyle choices - so therefore there's absolutely no false expectations i'm purporting out to others about my weightloss.

my 3 cents.

[jukebox81782 0]

well which is it?

your ok w/it being a personal decision, yet feel it's irresponsible not to share?

with all due respect - there is nothing false about diet & exercise. the lapband does not go food shopping for me, does not cook my meals, does not haul my a$$ up out of bed and drag it to the gym when i'd rather sleep in. those are lifestyle choices - so therefore there's absolutely no false expectations i'm purporting out to others about my weightloss.

my 3 cents.

You are right. I just have one question for you: If you've done it all yourself through lifestyle changes (which is awesome and fully respected by me), why did you have the surgery in the first place?

[luluc 6]

You are right. I just have one question for you: If you've done it all yourself through lifestyle changes (which is awesome and fully respected by me), why did you have the surgery in the first place?

how about to keep the weight off long term & prevent regain?

[jukebox81782 0]

how about to keep the weight off long term & prevent regain?

keeping the weight off long term and preventing regain will not take place due to the lifestyle changes you've made?

[luluc 6]

keeping the weight off long term and preventing regain will not take place due to the lifestyle changes you've made?

it's my secondary insurance bank that it won't.

enjoy your banding experience -

[jukebox81782 0]

it's my secondary insurance bank that it won't.

enjoy your banding experience -

i plan to.

you've done great with your experience as well, and i know i'll do just as well. i, too, have made lifestyle changes and am using the band as a TOOL--in addition to a healther diet and regular workouts--to reach my goals. i don't, however, have any misconceptions that the fast success i'm having would mirror that of the same success i would have EVENTUALLY had with the same healther diet and regular workouts and no banding.

enjoy your insurance bank.