why such secrecy?

[jukebox81782 0]

I've noticed throughout my browsing the forums that a lot of people choose to keep the fact they have had or are planning to have surgery a secret. Why? I don't consider it shameful in the least bit, and I haven't kept it a secret from anyone. Granted, I haven't worn a nametag that says, "Hi, I'm Jessica! Ask me about my lap band!" but why such secrecy?

[ParrotheadCathy 0]

Jessica, I haven't kept my surgery a secret either BUT not everybody is blessed with supportive friends and family. I've heard too many horror stories about family members who are hypercritical of "taking the easy way out" (yeah, like this is easy!) and second-guessing every bite a bandster puts in their mouth. It's a fine line, and I completely understand not telling anybody except those nearest, dearest ... most dependable to be supportive. And you and I can count our blessings!

[hallelujah.girl 1]

I've told almost everyone I work with that I am having the band. I have had a lot of questions which is fine, but i have also had them show concern for me. A lot of people hear stories about friends or family that have had weight loss surgery (mostly bypass) and have had serious complications and so then they worry about me. Others are not afraid to give their opinions on whether they think I'm crazy for doing this or not. Most people, even if they are very thin, are self conscious about the way they look. I just ask them flat out if they were my size and have tried everything under the sun to lose weight, succeeds, then gains it back, would they consider surgery if they knew this time they could be successful and they usually agree.

I think a lot of people may just not want to have to defend their decision to others. That is my guess.

[LittleRed30 38]

Not me I tell everyone!!! I wasn't going to at first but then I tought.. hum..this is a GOOD Thing and there is nothing wrong with getting some help. I am lucky though I have VERY supportive friends and family and that does make things easier.

[pappyny 0]

I agree with ParrotheadCathy. I have told very few people, my husband, my mom and step-dad, and a few close friends. I am choosing not to tell my brother and dad. I have been overweight for as long as I can remember. My brother and my dad have always been the first to point it out to me. Whether is was them joking about it to me or behind my back. It was VERY hurtful, still is even after all these years later. I don't know for sure, but I'm assuming that they would not be supportive. They would be ones that would think this is the easy way out (this is NOT easy!). To save myself from more embarrasment and hurt, I have chosen not to tell specific people. I more likely to talk to a stranger about it than some of my family.

Just my thoughts!

kp

[Maranda 0]

I too have told 90% of the people in my life.. the one person I have not told out of my dr's is my podiatrist. Its funny. He was a big guy and about 2yrs ago joined a gym got a trainer and lost a ton of weight. I just can't tell him I had the band. His office is laid back. I am very close to his secretary and the 3 of us chat it up while he waits for his next appt. I am embarrassed to tell him. Funny to me that I just can't/won't. So I think the point is everyone has a reason for telling or not telling people. You have to find your own reason why. :smile:

[Bethanyblondie 0]

I've told my immediate family and a few close friends that I am getting the band. I figure when I start dropping enough weight to be noticeable in the near future and people ask me about it, then I'll be glad to share with them. For now, I'm not going to make a big announcement of it. I'm not hiding it, just not advertising it, ya know?

[jukebox81782 0]

I guess I never stopped to think about those people out there with unsupportive (i.e. downright mean and terrible) family members. I've been fat since childhood, but I've NEVER had an issue w/an unsupportive family. I've also never had a hard time socializing and making friends since I entered junior high. The only aspect of my life that my weight caused issues for was my romantic life, and most of the time it was because I wouldn't accept male advances out of embarrassment.

Wow...confession session...I guess the long story short is that my heart goes out to those who feel the need to go through this in secrecy because their family and friends and the people in their life suck!!

On a funnier note, I was sure to make it VERY known at work because I work as a government contractor, and I didn't need my co-workers, boss, or customer thinking I'd developed a drug habit to lose weight...hAhA!!

[Marmite_crumpet 0]

Yep, the misconception that the band is "the easy way out" - something I was guilty of believing ... before I had surgery :smile:

There was a television prog last night here (UK), where some overweight teenagers were filmed. All of them talked about wanting the band as it would be "the easy way out" ...

The other reason I kept it to partner/kids only, was that I did not want people constantly watching me when I ate and/or commenting on the speed of my weightloss - i.e. the expectation might be that the weight would fall off in huge amounts very quickly :w00t:

[hakunamatata_ca 0]

I've noticed throughout my browsing the forums that a lot of people choose to keep the fact they have had or are planning to have surgery a secret. Why? I don't consider it shameful in the least bit, and I haven't kept it a secret from anyone. Granted, I haven't worn a nametag that says, "Hi, I'm Jessica! Ask me about my lap band!" but why such secrecy?

For me I have told my most of my family as they are always supportive although they also know I have done my research and comfortable in my decisions. No-one at work knows or others yet anyway. I get sleeved on April 27. My reasoning is the questions you get once you tell someone that doesn't understand as they have not researched it like we have had to. It's hard to explain to everyone how you know your doing the right thing, what it is your doing, what it will do for you and all the rest in a few brief sentences. It feels like your defending your decision because they don't understand which if they have not had to research they likely wouldn't. I may however explain after if I feel the need but It's not due to embarrassment it's due to others not understanding therefore easier to just say nothing. Besides like everyone knows it's not the easy way out so why shouldn't we take some credit ourselves for working it right. If we had done zero research and someone came up to us and said - you should have a sleeve done or get the band - and we knew nothing about it - what would our reaction be before any research on it - so that's where lots of others at at.

[Kate1973 0]

Only my husband knows.

Jukebox, I would consider you very lucky to have a supportive family/friends. Not all of us are that fortunate.

[Dana36 0]

I'm in the very early phases of researching lab band. I have an appointment with a surgeon for a consultation next week. I've only told my immediate family, and I've talked to my boss since she has to approve my time off for the dr's appointments. Those are the people who are supportive, and I feel will keep my 'secret'

I've not shared it with other people because, like mentioned above, I don't want them watching every bite I put in my mouth or watching ever pound I drop.

Also, in my work environment, it can be catty and back stabbing. I have one SKINNY, male coworker who would JUMP at the opportunity to 'out me' and use me for his own funny little jokes. He is lazy, I'm a hard worker and he doesn't like that for some reason, so I am his 'target' at work. I'm not giving him or anyone else a 'weapon' to use against me by letting them know I'm doing this.

[tapshoes 2]

For me it has nothing to do with supportive or not supportive family/friends. My question is why tell anyone about anything? I don't announce my hysterectomy, or my cancer, my hair color or my shoe size, or any of the MANY other things so why would I make mention of this? It's no one's business.

[Catherine55 43]

I'm surprised that you think people keep this private because of any feeling that it is shameful or embarrassing. I am so happy with my decision and feel very proud about taking such a big step for the benefit of my long-term health and appearance.

That said, I do not consider my health, my weight, or my medical care (or my love life, deepest personal thoughts, etc.) to be public topics that everyone is entitled to know about. I have told most of my family and all of my closest friends about the band because they are an important part of my personal support network.

However, I did not tell people at work out because that would be too big an infringement of my personal privacy. I can't prevent people from discussing my weight if they want to do that, but I certainly don't need to invite that discussion (or contant observations and questions about what I'm eating) by telling them my personal medical information.

[luluc 6]

I'm surprised that you think people keep this private because of any feeling that it is shameful or embarrassing. I am so happy with my decision and feel very proud about taking such a big step for the benefit of my long-term health and appearance.

That said, I do not consider my health, my weight, or my medical care (or my love life, deepest personal thoughts, etc.) to be public topics that everyone is entitled to know about. .

i agree with you catherine.

i was banded the same day w/my husband and we have kept this private for 18 months now. i did tell my parents and brothers about 6 months out & while they are nothing but supportive i, rather "we" did not want watchful eyes - questions about slow loss (me) - food police... you name it.

am i embarrassed? absolutely not, but managing my health & fitness is my business, one i don't feel the need to share.

to those that are comfortable letting friends/family & the mailman know - have at it.....i don't particularly care to hear when someone has a BM, so i'm not overly interested if they had WLS or are just dieting & exercising.