Should I keep this a secret?

[Guest dardar24]

I'm not scheduled for the surgery yet. I'm going to a mandatory seminar on Wednesday, then we shall see how it goes. However, I have my heart set on this and I am going to do anything I can to make it happen. I have told only my mother and my husband.

After being overweight her whole life, my old sister recently lost about 75lbs in the last year from diet and exercise. I am so proud of her, but I know I just can't do it that way too. I live in a different state, so it would be easy for me to do this surgery in secret. I know if I told her, she would be furious with me and accuse me of cheating or taking the easy way out while she works her but off at the gym five days a week.

I think I've decided not to tell her before I do it, but I will probably tell her afterwards, especially if I start losing gobs of weight. I don't want to lie. But what about strangers? What about people I hardly know? Losing a hundred pounds will not go unnoticed. I am a hairstylist, and I just know every person in my chair will ask me how I did it. Should I keep my lap band a secret, only telling close friends and family? or Should I tell every single person who asks? I don't think its fair to pretend I did it all on my own, but its also a little embarrassing to admit to everyone I needed surgical help to get my weight under control. What do you guys think? Also, when do I have to tell my thin husband how much I weigh? He has no idea just how overweight I am, but he will be seeing doctors with me and going through this too.

[wannabthinagain 0]

everyone is different in thier decision, but I'll tell you what i'm doing.

I have ONLY told my husband and mom. my mom came to help me with my two youngest children, so she knows. My 2 older children know i had to go have test and surgery but have never questioned for what. I did have a hernia repaired, so i have mentioned that to them.

I live about 2 1/2 hours away from my family, so we don't see each other more than about once a month, if that. It is easy to not let them know.

When they ask how i'm losing weight, i just say that i am watching my portions, taking my time eating, and not eating between meals...every bit of that is the truth. The fact that i have NO restriction right now shows that i am totally doing this on my own right now also.

as for my husband knowing 'the number' on the scale... i asked that that NOT be mentioned in from of him (you may have to remind someone if it's asked or about to be said in front of him...polietly say, i would rather THAT not be said (outloud). pateint confidentiality right? lol

my husband hasn't asked and i know he knows how much it bothers me and that i would rather him NOT know!

i had a few things determine my decision to not tell people. my youngest obsesses about things and one thing is his weight. he is tiny and has NO REASON to worry about it. we talk about just eating healthy and not to obsess about everything you eat. i do not want weight to be an issue with him and i don't want him to be affected by watching everything i do/eat.

good luck in whatever you decide.

[DENTALSPIT 0]

i only told my mom and husband in the beginning. my brother only found out about it because i hardly ate at christmas. no one really needs to know about the surgery. i just told most people that i was watching what i ate and exercised more . good luck!

[allielee 263]

Hey there,

I had these same questions pre band.. I ended up telling everyone.. I did it at first to hold myself accountable. By telling everyone I felt I had to really step up and follow the band rules. I wanted to be thin as fast as possible. I have to tell you it worked for me. I also have to say that now I tell everyone because I know they probably already figured it out. To lose over a 120 pounds in less than ten months would be really hard to do without surgery. I try to not tell people but I end up blurting it out. I am not embaressed about it and have not had one negative response. I say whatever makes you comfortable is what you should do.

I told my hubby what my weight was at the beginning. I figured that way he could Celebrate with me as I lost. I started at 305 so let me tell you it was tough telling him. But it is so exciting now that I am almost to goal weight. He is super proud!

I wish you much success and know that there is no wrong way of doing it. You do what feels right for you. It really doesn't matter in the end if you tell people or not as long as you end up healthy and happy!

[klp713 0]

I know it is a decision everyone has to make, but I chose to tell everyone. I have been so embarrassed about my weight my entire adult life, I didn't want to be embarrassed for finally getting help to control it. It's a great feeling to be able to share with family and friends, know you have their support and prayers, and have them help keep you accountable. To have strangers (yes, I mean I've told everyone!) encourage you and wish you the best is an added bonus.

My surgery is May 1st, and I have no regrets about people knowing about it. I hope you find what feels right for you. Good luck.

[ParrotheadCathy 0]

I think I told everybody I know because I was so excited about it. But I also knew my family and friends would be supportive of what I was chosing to do. Not everybody will be supportive. And even those who are may ask a lot of questions that you don't want to go into. Realistically, this is what I told someone else who knew her father and sister would be totally negative about her choice. Pre-op diet: Lots of people go on "quick start" diets of Protein Shakes or combinations of Protein shakes and lean meals. You aren't doing anything different. After the band: You will have the liquid diet and then mushy foods and then regular food. You can say you are just continuing with trying to get rid of 20 or 30 or [fill in the blank here] before you settle into a regular diet plan. Once you're back to regular food, you will be making healthy food choices and as long as you chew your food well and don't rush you probably won't have any stuck events but try new stuff at home or by yourself, not when you're with others so that if it just doesn't work for you, nobody sees it happen. This is the way you can keep it to yourself. You AREN'T taking the easy way out! You'll have to make good eating decisions every day for the rest of your life. You will just have assistance with Portion Control.< /p>

[workinit 6]

Hi, I was banded on 02/14/09 I started only telling my Husband and kids. I didnt want any negativity going around. I knew what I was doing was necessary for me regardless what anyone said....I have not to this day told my husband how much I weigh-when it was time for them to weigh me I made him step out-I made sure the Doctors and nurses and staff wouldn't tell him. They wrote it REALLY BIG on my medical chart!!! I finally told my mother and sisters and a select few about having the surgery-since it ws already done-what more could anyone say!!!!!!! Do what you need to do for you Be blessed

[PATCHELTON 0]

I would tell whoever you are comfortable telling. I told my coworkers, and aside from one who asked me if I was doing it for health reasons (Duh! No I actually thought I wanted to look like Barbie for my 65th birthday!) and a post-op lap bander telling me I didn't look fat enought to need surgery (I am 5'7" and started at 252--in my 2x or womens 22 I sure felt fat), no one said much. But one of my coworkers had the surgery, too, and that made for some interesting comparisons.

I started going to group support 6 months or more before surgery, started coming here Nov. 2007 and I read everything I could find. I had to do a 6 month diet for insurance. So did she but she fudged most of the info, and the insurance actually accepted WW online for 3 months and a supervized diet for 3 months, done simultaneously! She doesn't exercise, doesn't go to group support, didn't follow up with the dietician, and she eats the same junk she ate before surgery. She wanted something to curtail her binge eating. Her result: 20 lbs lost total. My result: 100 lbs lost.

If people suggest you are taking the "easy" way out, tell them the band is just a tool to help control portions. You still have to make th choice to eat healthy and exercise. One of the quotes I like from one of the books I read says "The band is not around your lips; it is around your stomach. It cannot keep food out of your mouth; only you can do that." Amen.

Good luck on your journey.

[MissBS 3]

Hi. I agree with the previous posters - you need to do what feels right to you. I tell everyone cause that's how I am. I am so excited about having my band, that I just want to share it. Now about your sister - first of all - you will be doing it on your own too. You will be chosing the food that goes, or doesn't go, into your mouth and you will be exercising a lot too. Not much different than what she is doing. Acquaintences - of course they will notice as you lose - if they ask, you can just say I've made the decision to eat healthier and exercise more, and it's working. No lie. They don't need to know you have a little helper inside you. Just remember - YOU ARE DOING THIS ON YOUR OWN and getting the band is NOT the easy way out. Staying the way we were was the easy way out. Good luck to you!!!! Becky

[spud.mama 7]

I have told everyone except my family. They are very judgmental and a little protective as I am the baby of 5 and have made my fair share of mistakes. I will tell them at a mini family reunion in August--AFTER I have the surgery.

I, too, am a hairstylist. I tell almost everyone when the topic of weight comes up, or pop, or counting calories.....anything that will allow me to slip it in. You can tell with your clients when it might not be appropriate to bring it up.

The reason I bring it up is twofold. One, I get to educate people who only think of the by-pass as WLS.

Secondly, by talking to people I have come across several who have had the surgery and have been very encouraging.

I am a big believer that when things are kept quiet that ignorance is kept alive. NOT at all to say everyone should take that stand! I am an extrovert so it is easy for me.

Good luck on your decision.

[OnTheWay to Thin 0]

Lapand surgery is not EASY and it is not the easy way out, you will be working at this, just as hard as your sister, you will just be using a different tool. We all have to use what works for us, so dont feel guilty that you need help and tell those you want to tell, but by no means feel obligated to tell other who are coworkers or aquaintances. If you choose not to tell others, if they ask how you are doing it, tell them the truth, hard work, counting calories and not eating much cause that will be the honest truth. People do not have the RIGHT to know your personal information, you have the RIGHT to decide who you wish to trust with your personal information. I have not had my surgery yet, I am in the process... but I have told my husband, brother and 1 friend who is actually going to be doing it about the same time as I am. As time goes on I may feel better about sharing with others but I don't feel obligated to tell anyone about my decision, just as I would not feel I had to tell them if I was having a female procedure that was too personal to share.

[crzytchr 3]

To this day my husband does NOT know my starting weight. Isn't it funny how I tell people on here, but wouldn't DARE tell him?

Ok, I tell anyone and everyone that asks or comments on my weightloss about being banded. I don't feel it negates any of the work I put in. I tell, because someone I worked with at my last school had it done and when people commented on how good she looked, she would smile and say "oh, I am just watching my portions and exercising more". Technically true, but it makes others feel like failures and wonder what is wrong with them that they aren't able to do it on their own. Later, we all found out because she actually told one person. Yes, if you tell one, all will eventually know. I felt that if she were more upfront, it might would have had me considering the surgery a little sooner. So, another friend of mine that I worked with and I did it within two weeks of each other and we tell people. I find that people are supportive and I have actually been a reason that others are looking into being banded now.

This is a personal decision that only you can make, but I have never regretted my decision to not keep it a secret.

[sms1964 0]

I am new to this forum and have been seeking advise on this topic. I am going through the process of testing and have my third and possible final appt on May 4th with the Dr. A date will be set after that. I have told my family, who have been very supportive, and that is about it. I am not sure what to tell people at work when I'm off for a few days - or how ever long I'll be off. I will probably tell them afterward because I'm a blabber mouth, but don't think I will before the surgery. Maybe I'm embarassed, not sure.

[Lady Lap Band 71]

I'm not scheduled for the surgery yet. I'm going to a mandatory seminar on Wednesday, then we shall see how it goes. However, I have my heart set on this and I am going to do anything I can to make it happen. I have told only my mother and my husband.

After being overweight her whole life, my old sister recently lost about 75lbs in the last year from diet and exercise. I am so proud of her, but I know I just can't do it that way too. I live in a different state, so it would be easy for me to do this surgery in secret. I know if I told her, she would be furious with me and accuse me of cheating or taking the easy way out while she works her but off at the gym five days a week.

I think I've decided not to tell her before I do it, but I will probably tell her afterwards, especially if I start losing gobs of weight. I don't want to lie. But what about strangers? What about people I hardly know? Losing a hundred pounds will not go unnoticed. I am a hairstylist, and I just know every person in my chair will ask me how I did it. Should I keep my lap band a secret, only telling close friends and family? or Should I tell every single person who asks? I don't think its fair to pretend I did it all on my own, but its also a little embarrassing to admit to everyone I needed surgical help to get my weight under control. What do you guys think? Also, when do I have to tell my thin husband how much I weigh? He has no idea just how overweight I am, but he will be seeing doctors with me and going through this too.

I can relate 100%!!!!! I have only decided to tell the people who I live with because obviously you can't hide it from them! That includes my Husband and my Mom and Dad. It has been very hard for me to swallow that I need surgical help to loose weight, so you are not alone in feeling that! Second of all, you don't ever need to tell your husband how much you weigh! I have my surgery June 19th and my husband has not come to any appointments with me, in all honesty you don't need him. You can do it, and you can do it all on your own! This website has been so much help to me, use it use it use it is all I have to say! Find some friends and ask them to help you!

I have no told anyone because I know that they will all be critical and try to talk me out of it and I don't want that to happen. This is my body and my privacy and I don't want them to know. I don't think that you or I are taking the easy way out at all, this is going to be HARD! I've been reading that you can eat your way around this band, it's only a tool! If you don't eat right and exercise you won't loose any weight, or a very minimal amount. You could eat icecream all day and not loose a pound, even gain! So please please please don't let your mind fool you into believing you are anything less than your sister because this is going to be hard for you just like her diet and exercising was hard for her!

You can do it and you can do it without telling anyone! The urge to tell will come but I really think that in the long run if you don't tell you will be happier. Not to say that 5 years down the road you can't tell, but I would say in the early stages, keep it to yourself!

[Lady Lap Band 71]

p.s. You are taking a week off work for Vacation, work doesn't need to know how you spend your vacation!