psychiatrist?

MADE IT 2 MY GOAL..OH YEAH · April 17, 2009

My husband and I have been married a little over a year but been together for 3 years and were together only 5 months when I had my band placed.

These past couple months (since the weight has been falling off rather fast) he has been telling me that alot of marriages break up after one spouse has this surgery done and looses the weight. I love my husband more than I could ever even begin to put into words, but lately he has been driving me crazy. He is always calling second guess if I am going where I say I am going. Example: I went for my fill this Wednesday and when I got home I decided to take a shower and wash my hair. He calls right when I get in the shower and gets the answering machine, leaves me a message saying, I need to talk to you call me back now. I finish taking my shower and call him back and he is like, why didn't you answer? I tell him that I jumped into the shower and he gets mad. He then tells me that some truckers (he drives a big truck) say that 2 woman in a small car was flashing every truck driver they passed and accused me and my cousin of being the ones. Then goes into this spill of, you are loosing the weight fast now and looking sexier than ever and you are going to want to see if you still have it. Your gonna want to show your body off to people and eventually have sex with someone else just to see if you still have it.

Now let me explain, this is his 3rd marriage and his other 2 ended because they cheated on him. I have never cheated or even thought of cheating on him. I know what I have and I WILL NEVER DO ANYTHING TO LOOSE IT! I have told him this time and time and time again, but he just wont believe me.

He is always telling me i am suppose to see a psychiatrist to let them know what i am going through and talk about my feelings now that I am loosing so much weight. I don't think I need to go cause I know that I am not going to cheat. My first marriage ended cause he was cheating on me so i know how it feels to be hurt in that way and i will not put the man i love through that.

I was just wondering if anyone else is going through this same thing and if they are, how are you handling it. OH AND BY THE WAY, ALL OF THIS IS COMING FROM A MAN THAT IS ALWAYS BEGGING ME TO HAVE A 3SOME WITH HIM AND ANOTHER MAN BECAUSE I HAVE NEVER EXPERIENCED ANYTHING LIKE IT. MY ANSWER IS ALWAYS THE SAME THOUGH....NO WAY!! Cant you just imagine him after it happens. If he is so insucure now OMG think of how it would be after that.

Sorry that was so long winded, but I just need someones advice on how to handle this.

ParrotheadCathy · April 17, 2009

Stacy, this is something that does come up in a marriage following dramatic weight loss of one partner. But, honestly, it sounds like HE needs the psychiatrist rather than you. He is the one feeling threatened for no reason. You sound like you're pretty solid and have a level head about this. You could say you would consider COUPLES COUNSELING/MARRIAGE COUNSELING and that would give both of you the opportunity to discuss your feelings with an unvested third party. So he could vent that he fears you will cheat on him/leave him now that you are looking pretty, etc. and you can express your concern that he is expressing such a complete lack of trust in you. I mean, did he marry YOU (the person you are no matter what) or did he marry a fat girl he thought wouldn't have the opportunity to cheat on him?

circa · April 17, 2009

gosh its almost like he's trying to get you to cheat on him - because its what he KNOWS. Its what women have always done to him - its a familiar pain to him. It sounds like he does need some counseling but YOU DO TOO! If for nothing else, how to deal with the insecurity you're being presented with. There's nothing wrong with getting an unbiased opinion - therapy is a wonderful thing. We all need it - some of us just get it from other places than a guy/gal with a framed diploma on a wall :blink: I plan to start very soon myself. Not because I think I NEED it, but because I WANT to have that security.

BearSpiritGuide · April 17, 2009

My ex-wife and I spent 8 years in couples and individual counseling. My current wife is SOOOOOOOO grateful for all of that counseling. It made me a better listener, a better talker, a better husband, a better father, a better person.

My first marriage did not work out for unrelated issues, but I learned how to truly communicate with everyone that is important in my life.

If you find a very good Couples Counselor, they will request or even require you to each be in individual counseling as part of the Couples process. This will be good for both of you.

Good luck,

-BSG