Terrified new member

[glassarttist 0]

Hello everyone. I just joined last night. I've not had surgery yet but had my first consult with my family doctor last week and he has referring me to a surgeon. I'm hoping to

be able to get some information here as to what I can expect and also find some support amongst people who've been through what I will experience. I've looked for other places online to find support and only found a few places that have very sporadic activity. I was grateful to find this forum last night.

I'm 34, a mother of 4 kids, engaged to a wonderful man, live in

Canada, and have two hectic and stressful jobs. I'm very active but have some health and physical problems from my weight. Despite diet and exercise I've not been able to lose anything. I'm looking to lose about 200 pounds. I want to do this while I am still young and my weight hasn't caused Diabetes or affected my blood pressure or heart.

To be honest I'm terrified to have this surgery, but mostly because I have never been thin and have no way to imagine what I will be like after I lose weight. I'm afraid I'll lose my identity. Yes I'm seeing a counselor and will be working on this issue. I'd just like to talk with others in a situation similar to mine.

I've been reading the body dysmorphia thread and can relate to everything said.

[maudeispam 2]

To be honest I'm terrified to have this surgery, but mostly because I have never been thin and have no way to imagine what I will be like after I lose weight. I'm afraid I'll lose my identity. Yes I'm seeing a counselor and will be working on this issue. I'd just like to talk with others in a situation similar to mine.

I know exactly what you are feeling. I was scared, nervous, happy, anxious, and a whole heap of emotions, prior to surgery. I was banded July 29, 2005. I have lost 14lbs since surgery and am currently stuck. I won't get my first fill till September 14th. I am and was heavy alll my life. My highest weight was in September 2004 I weighed 327lbs on a 5' 2" frame. Yikes. I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes & had suffered from high BP since my highschool days. I went on a low carb (10 carb a day diet per a Reg. dietician) and lost 24 lbs. At my initial consult with my surgeon in May 2005 I weighed 314. I now weigh 280lbs. I am 33 years old. I have been heavy, fat, obese, morbid obese since age 2 or 3. chocolate is my enemy. I like food period. I dont know what it is like to be a healthy weight or what kind of person I will be. I know I am a huge person with a heart of gold now, I hope and pray that I am a "normal" size person with that same heart of gold when I reach my goal. My goal is 150lbs or less. Best of luck to you!

[Jessiebear 2]

I don't think I got the fear of losing my identity til after I had the surgery. But I'm okay now. It took me a while though. I think what you are feeling is normal though. If you didn't have those thoughts & feelings I would think you had issues. LOL! You came to the best place in the world for support though! The folks here are awesome & can answer just about any question or fear you have! Best of luck to you & welcome to Bandland!.....Jess

[glassarttist 0]

Thank you so much for your replies. With me it's any food. It doesn't have to be sweets. I do lean towards carbs. Last night I had two Soup bowls of steamed rice with butter and soy sauce on it. I could eat rice until I pop (and I'm well on my way). Rice and potatoes and bread are my downfall. I binge emotionally and really have to deal with that. I'm afraid but I'm excited and impatient. I want to have my surgery asap. I'm tired of being the fat mom, the fat neighbour, the fat coworker. I'm tired of waking up in pain every morning. I'm tired of not being able to shop for clothes. I'm tired of knowing my health is at risk.

I'm a lucky one because the entire procecdure is covered by insurance where I live. I just wanted to say I feel bad for those of you who have to pay for it, but it shows how dedicated you are, and how much you want a healthier life, to be spending thousands of dollars on this procedure and the follow up treatment.