Why are people so MEAN???

[PATCHELTON 0]

I had my surgery at St. Agnes too (Dr. Singh) and I started going to group support a good 6 months before surgery. I was talking to some post-ops after one meeting and one looked at me in my 2x scrubs and told me I didn't look heavy enough to need a band! At work people would say "you are doing this for your health, right?" (No, actually I thought I would turn myself into Barbie in my old age!)

Fortunately one of my sisters had gastric bypass a couple years ago so she was very supportive. The other sister, not so much, so I didn't tell her. She lives in another state and we don't see each other often, so her support or lack of it didn't really matter. I found the support group (with the one exception noted above) very helpful. Sometimes they have emotional issues as the theme and that would be a good time to bring up family issues, if you are comfortable doing that. This month is nutrition with Arlene. Hope to see you on Monday 4/20 6pm in the Alagia Auditorium. People at all stages pre and post are welcome.

[lilith 6]

Thanks for the replies, everybody! For some reason I didn't get the email that tells me I had a new reply, just happened to come in to look up a name... I appreciate all of you support, it's so GREAT to know people understand!

[JABBA THE MUTT 0]

Old people talk about and obsess on food because in their youth, eating on a regular basis was considered a luxury.

They grew up in simpler times, with less stress, more booze, and no cable. food was a big part of their day.

In my humble opinion, Old People Suck! Closed minded, uninformed, long winded, and they think they have earned the right to say whatever they want without consequence.

Don't bother with them, they will be dead soon anyway. They will suck the life right out of you.

Losing a lot of weight is like buying a company. There is going to be some turnover in you life. Some people simply will not fit in with the new plan, they need to go.

Also remember, only you can make you feel bad about yourself. Take some responsibility for your own mental state.

Do not give food that level of mythical power that many people do. Food is your enemy, treat it with respect and disdain.

And remember, Old People Suck.

[Marine mom 3]

I'd suggest that old people do not suck. Mean people, rude, overly opinionated become moreso as they age. sometimes people don't even wait until they are old to become stagnant in their belief system.

Kind people, people who don't make random negative generalizations based on race, creed, color, gender or age, tend to remain the same, only getting better like a nice wine.

OP, sorry you had to deal with crappy people. It really is a drag on the emotions, even when you do take responsibility for them.

[lilith 6]

I'd suggest that old people do not suck. Mean people, rude, overly opinionated become moreso as they age. sometimes people don't even wait until they are old to become stagnant in their belief system.

Kind people, people who don't make random negative generalizations based on race, creed, color, gender or age, tend to remain the same, only getting better like a nice wine.

OP, sorry you had to deal with crappy people. It really is a drag on the emotions, even when you do take responsibility for them.

Thank you, Missy! And I agree, all the older people I know that are mean started out that way... and the ones that are precious to me always have been!

[lilith 6]

I had my surgery at St. Agnes too (Dr. Singh) and I started going to group support a good 6 months before surgery. I was talking to some post-ops after one meeting and one looked at me in my 2x scrubs and told me I didn't look heavy enough to need a band! At work people would say "you are doing this for your health, right?" (No, actually I thought I would turn myself into Barbie in my old age!)

Fortunately one of my sisters had gastric bypass a couple years ago so she was very supportive. The other sister, not so much, so I didn't tell her. She lives in another state and we don't see each other often, so her support or lack of it didn't really matter. I found the support group (with the one exception noted above) very helpful. Sometimes they have emotional issues as the theme and that would be a good time to bring up family issues, if you are comfortable doing that. This month is nutrition with Arlene. Hope to see you on Monday 4/20 6pm in the Alagia Auditorium. People at all stages pre and post are welcome.

Thanks Cat Lady!

I won't be there this Monday as I have my pre-band class Monday morning and I have to get my work caught up before Thursday (surgery day!). The family issue isn't really that big of a deal as I only talk to them about 2-4 times a year, it was just something that hit a nerve that day and I wanted to vent... I'm over it!

Now, another question, I know that Dr. Singh is no longer with Dr. Averbach, do they still have their support groups together??? Where is the Alagia Auditorium? I've only heard of the meetings held in the office...

[lilith 6]

Old people talk about and obsess on food because in their youth, eating on a regular basis was considered a luxury.

They grew up in simpler times, with less stress, more booze, and no cable. food was a big part of their day.

In my humble opinion, Old People Suck! Closed minded, uninformed, long winded, and they think they have earned the right to say whatever they want without consequence.

Don't bother with them, they will be dead soon anyway. They will suck the life right out of you.

Losing a lot of weight is like buying a company. There is going to be some turnover in you life. Some people simply will not fit in with the new plan, they need to go.

Also remember, only you can make you feel bad about yourself. Take some responsibility for your own mental state.

Do not give food that level of mythical power that many people do. Food is your enemy, treat it with respect and disdain.

And remember, Old People Suck.

Most days I just think all people suck, lol. But really I get your points (I also recognize the humor you are interjecting) - points taken and I'll try not to grow up to be an old person... :tt1:

[sunnydreams 0]

Just wanted to jump in and and offer support too. I'm waiting to be banded and am debating if I should tell my generally negative family. One thing I've learned is that it's almost impossible to change someone else's behavior or way of thinking, so the best thing you can do is change your response to it -- which in your case could mean ending the call as soon as they start in on what makes you feel uncomfortable or bad. Or you can get mad and set them straight. Or you can avoid talking to them until they are willing to really try to listen, understand and be supportive.

I had to take a 2-year bread from talking to my sister because she brought me down or tried to manipulate me all the time. Like someone else said, I felt happier and more balanced during that time. Be proud of yourself and what you know is right for your health and your children.

The results will speak for themselves! Good luck!!

[flowers 0]

My Dad has trouble making himself eat enough and got a feeding tube removed recently. Mostly my conversations with my mom consist of what she was able to get my Dad to eat that day.

I guess just because I changed, I dont expect everyone else to change their behavior. My parents want me to lose the weight, but are more concerned with themselves. just how it is, why fight it. You see commercials on tv about food, you just have to adjust.

[aubrie 6]

Respect is something that is earned. Some people feel that old people deserve "respect". In my opinion, they are no different than anyone else. If they've earned it, by all means give it. If they haven't, don't waste your precious energy on it. You don't have to be mean back. Just avoid them. Explain what you need from them. If they can't give it, then no reason to feel guilty. You've done what you could. We can't "fix" everyone.

[sweetheart181 10]

My surgery was just scheduled for the 23rd, I'm currently doing two Protein shakes during the day and salad at night, so I'm hungry and tired but hanging in... I called my Grandfather and his wife today to see how their Easter was, they started off by telling me about everything they ate, so I mentioned the liquid diet and to please stop talking to me about food, at which she giggled and started telling me all about the pies and brownies they had... I was gritting my teeth together. Then she puts me on the phone with my Grandfather who says, "I wish you wouldn't have that damn surgery, just get off your ass and spend some more time cleaning your house and less time shoving our face". I gave up on the conversation and said well it can't be in the top five of the things you wish I never did, love you, bye! I'm so aggravated....... I'm doing this for my health and my children, why do people have to act like I'm doing something wrong! You would think after a six month supervised diet and every specialist there is saying I need to have this surgery that would be enough!

Somebody talk me down, lol.

HAHAHA sorry to laugh but this sounds exactly like my family. When I told my dad about my surgery(I didn't tell him until about 4 months after) he told me "you know if you hadn't gotten fat in the first place you wouldn't have needed surgery." It just makes me laugh.

[Livingthe Dream 0]

You are either with me or against me. I am not going to waste alot of time figuring it out. Lift me up or get out.

[talkalot1981 5]

Some of my family can be just as mean, but for different reasons. My whole family is over weight. The reason they are mean is because they are jealous that I am actually doing something about my weight. I am actually smaller than the rest of my cousins and I am 239. All of us girls(we have a big family) would get picked on by all of our uncles, but the thing is all of our uncles were over weight also. The comments my female cousins make are "Well you wouldn't be losing weight if you didn't get the surgery" One even has the nerve to say," I bet you will fail this just like all your other diets" They just don't understand what this surgery is. I try to explain but they don't care. I feel bad because I actually avoid calling home(Illinois is home, I am in Alaska) just so I wont hear the comments. My mom is behind me 100% because she is having GB next month. She knows what it is like because she has struggeled with her weight her whole life also. I hope to be banded late next month or early july, so right now I would only like to be around(or talk to) people who support me.