Why are people so MEAN???

[lilith 6]

My surgery was just scheduled for the 23rd, I'm currently doing two Protein shakes during the day and salad at night, so I'm hungry and tired but hanging in... I called my Grandfather and his wife today to see how their Easter was, they started off by telling me about everything they ate, so I mentioned the liquid diet and to please stop talking to me about food, at which she giggled and started telling me all about the pies and brownies they had... I was gritting my teeth together. Then she puts me on the phone with my Grandfather who says, "I wish you wouldn't have that damn surgery, just get off your ass and spend some more time cleaning your house and less time shoving our face". I gave up on the conversation and said well it can't be in the top five of the things you wish I never did, love you, bye! I'm so aggravated....... I'm doing this for my health and my children, why do people have to act like I'm doing something wrong! You would think after a six month supervised diet and every specialist there is saying I need to have this surgery that would be enough!

Somebody talk me down, lol.

[lapbandtalker 0]

Wow, but really? Did you expect something different? Or was this behavior just so out of the ordinary for these people?

One thing many people who are overweight have to fight against the norm....the people in our lives that suck our energy or put us down-even in small ways.

Since you know 'them' ....don't subject yourself to it anymore. Call to say hello, but don't ask questions and keep the conversation short.

My mother has passed away but every time I called she talked about what she ate....may be something in common with older people.

The 23rd? Coming close! Keep up the good work and let us know how things go.

[lilith 6]

Wow, but really? Did you expect something different? Or was this behavior just so out of the ordinary for these people?

LOL - no, I don't really expect any better of them, but I do feel like I should be able to call and say hope you had a good Easter without the conversation turning into what it did. I don't really have much interaction with any of my family, both of my parents died when I was young and I don't have any sibling, yet I feel guilty if I don't at least call on holidays - believe me, if I could figure out a way to get them all to forget I exist it would be just fine with me.

One of my most vivid memories of him was one Thanksgiving when I was little, first he told my mother how fat she and I were getting (which I would love to be the size my mother was at the time, she was probably a size 12) then when she didn't finish her dinner he told her people in China were starving and she better clean her plate, she stood up, grabbed her purse, took out a book of stamps and threw them at him stating, "So mail it to them!" then she grabbed me by the wrist and we left... just a case of damned if you do, damned if you don't.

I don't expect much of anyone... but it is nice to have a place like this to vent where people understand what you're talking about.

[Libbyjane1976 1]

Being around food the first week of the Protein diet was very tough. Once you adjust to your new diet you will be okay and it will be easier being around those foods and not indulging. I'm sorry that your relatives are insensitive. You are doing the right thing by getting the lap band done. Just stay focused and don't let anyone bring you down. You are on your way to a healthier and happier life!!!

[lilith 6]

Being around food the first week of the Protein diet was very tough. Once you adjust to your new diet you will be okay and it will be easier being around those foods and not indulging. I'm sorry that your relatives are insensitive. You are doing the right thing by getting the lap band done. Just stay focused and don't let anyone bring you down. You are on your way to a healthier and happier life!!!

Thanks! I can't wait!

[GoyaChula 0]

LOL - no, I don't really expect any better of them, but I do feel like I should be able to call and say hope you had a good Easter without the conversation turning into what it did. I don't really have much interaction with any of my family, both of my parents died when I was young and I don't have any sibling, yet I feel guilty if I don't at least call on holidays - believe me, if I could figure out a way to get them all to forget I exist it would be just fine with me.

One of my most vivid memories of him was one Thanksgiving when I was little, first he told my mother how fat she and I were getting (which I would love to be the size my mother was at the time, she was probably a size 12) then when she didn't finish her dinner he told her people in China were starving and she better clean her plate, she stood up, grabbed her purse, took out a book of stamps and threw them at him stating, "So mail it to them!" then she grabbed me by the wrist and we left... just a case of damned if you do, damned if you don't.

I don't expect much of anyone... but it is nice to have a place like this to vent where people understand what you're talking about.

I know exactly what you mean! I always thought it was more in the hispanic culture. I was practically raised by my grandma. So in high school when I would go to grandma's house she would say, "Goya, you're really getting fat." and almost in the same breath would be, "I just made some enchiladas you want me to serve you a few?" I mean what am I supposed to do with that! Is this a trick a question? Is it a test!? I feel you!

[lilith 6]

I know exactly what you mean! I always thought it was more in the hispanic culture. I was practically raised by my grandma. So in high school when I would go to grandma's house she would say, "Goya, you're really getting fat." and almost in the same breath would be, "I just made some enchiladas you want me to serve you a few?" I mean what am I supposed to do with that! Is this a trick a question? Is it a test!? I feel you!

LOL - nope, it crosses all divides! We can have a black president, almost a woman president - I'm waiting for the day we have a fat woman president! We should all riot and sit on them, that would shut them up!

They are family, and elders - you have to respect them right? But it would be nice if they would actually think about what they are saying... before they start feeding us, lol.

[Cleo's Mom 257]

lilith - I'm older than you (58) and have dealt with mean people in my family and at work, etc..Here is how I deal with them. If they don't treat me in an acceptable way - they are out of my life. Period. Life is too short to deal with people like this. Tell your grandfather that you are having this surgery for your health and based on medical opinions. You are doing it so you will be there for your kids. Ask him for his support and to refrain from any negative or mean comments about it. Tell him what you need from him. And tell him that if he is unable to do that, then you will be unable to call or contact him. People have to be motivated to change. If he wants you in his life, he will change, if he is not willing to change - well, then, that tells you a lot.

My beloved husband died 3 years ago of cancer and I haven't spoken to his mother in over 6 years. Because of her treatment of us. I also haven't spoken to my brother or his family in almost 15 years -again because of the way they treated us and my parents. I don't miss any of them. My life is much better, healthier without them. No more negativity, drama, battles, etc... I have only people who care about me (and me them) in my life. One of the big lessons I've learned.

Good luck with your upcoming surgery. I wish you much success.

[lilith 6]

lilith - I'm older than you (58) and have dealt with mean people in my family and at work, etc..Here is how I deal with them. If they don't treat me in an acceptable way - they are out of my life. Period. Life is too short to deal with people like this. Tell your grandfather that you are having this surgery for your health and based on medical opinions. You are doing it so you will be there for your kids. Ask him for his support and to refrain from any negative or mean comments about it. Tell him what you need from him. And tell him that if he is unable to do that, then you will be unable to call or contact him. People have to be motivated to change. If he wants you in his life, he will change, if he is not willing to change - well, then, that tells you a lot.

My beloved husband died 3 years ago of cancer and I haven't spoken to his mother in over 6 years. Because of her treatment of us. I also haven't spoken to my brother or his family in almost 15 years -again because of the way they treated us and my parents. I don't miss any of them. My life is much better, healthier without them. No more negativity, drama, battles, etc... I have only people who care about me (and me them) in my life. One of the big lessons I've learned.

Good luck with your upcoming surgery. I wish you much success.

Thank you, Cleo's Mom! I totally agree with you - my head knows that you have to let negative people go and move on, but for some reason I can't let go of the guilt I feel when I don't contact them. Maybe it's something that just has to come with time...

[spud.mama 7]

We should all riot and sit on them, that would shut them up!

LOL!! I totally agree! I love it!! :wub:

[GoyaChula 0]

LOL!! I totally agree! I love it!! :wub:

HAHA ME TOO! LOL! :wub:

[ckoon73 0]

It's all about surrounding yourself with a support system, and not letting the negative elements get to you. My wife and I are going thru this together, but she is having her surgery on friday, while mine is 5-8. Well, I didnt want to be eating food while she is having to endure the liquid diet, so I put myself on the diet at the same time as her. It just didnt seem fair that I should be eating in front of her.

I don't know why, but there seems to be a mis-conception, especially with the older generation, that bariatric surgery is the weight-loss equivalant of a get-rich-quick scheme. Luckily, we were able to bring my wife's parents around to the facts, so they are on board and supportive. Lord knows they were not at first...

Topher

[Cleo's Mom 257]

Lilith - if you have a hard time telling family members what you need from them, try writing it in a letter and sending it to them. Don't be critical - just tell them what you want and how it makes you feel when they are unsupportive or critical. Then tell them that the next time you call, you hope they will be supportive and understanding. Then if you call and they still say mean things - just say "Well, it's obvious you aren't going to change and I need supportive people in my life right now, so when you're ready to be supportive, give me a call." And hang up. That's all you can do. You can't really change people - only your reaction to them. Forget the guilt. You have nothing to be guilty about. If you do the above, the ball will be in their court.

[Bikerbabe40 0]

You have to do what is best for you.. but I didn't tell my family., or my friends; for alot the reasons everyone has posted.. they just don't get the struggle.. yet my father made me eat everything on my plate before we could leave the table..and now when I do see them or call them,, its very positive.. because they dont' know i had the surgery.. they think i am doing it on my own,, and I am ! but with a band to help!!,,lol,,

When I went in the hospital for the day, I just told people at work that I was having a hernia repair.. that was on the thursday, and I went back to work on the Monday,, it was never brought up again... -

Good luck!

[cristina 0]

I love that your mom threw the stamps at him and said to mail it to them... hilarious!! I can totally relate, my grandfather would always tell my mom that I had gained weight... when I was in the room. If you're going to say it, at least say it to me, old man.